Silence
by staceycj
Summary: Series of one shots...Sister fic that has nothing to do with the sister...Basically a look at the Winchester life from an outsider looking in.
1. Chapter 1

She was sitting under the dim lamp in the dingy motel room sewing a button onto one of his shirts when he came back from hunting yet another preternatural creature. Every single motel room they stayed in seemed to not like to shine too bright of a light onto the occupants surroundings. The owners were probably afraid that their customers would see the stains covering the old carpet, or the rust streaks in the sink and shower, or really take notice that the mirror in the bathroom was cracked, or see the insects that ran about the dirty room and that their customers would demand a refund. Dean never quite understood that. People who stayed in these kinds of places were only concerned with cheap, and some, like him and his family, were more concerned with the fact that the owners of these kinds of places didn't ask questions. He often pleaded with Hannah to buy a lamp for when she did these kinds of tasks, he didn't want her eyes to be any more strained than they already were. Her glasses reminded him of coke bottles as it was. She never said anything and she never bought another lamp. He was sure it was because she didn't think it was necessary.

A lot had changed since Sammy left. He didn't have his hunting partner, sparring partner, his friend and companion. Their dad had always stayed in the room next door and since Sammy had left, Hannah now stayed in the room with him rather than their father like she usually did. He often wondered if she did that to try to comfort him in their brother's absence. She looked up at him when he shut the door and her face registered concern. He probably looked like he had been pummeled by a ten foot grizzly bear, and honestly that's how he felt, but he knew that most to all of the wounds were superficial and nothing to worry about.

She stood and crossed the small room as he put the keys to his beloved car on the small table and took off his black coat. When she reached him she looked into his eyes and then surveyed the rest of him.

"I'm fine Hannah. Really I am." She said nothing but the look in her eyes said volumes.

"I know, I'm getting pummeled more often. But Sammy isn't there to tell me when something is coming up behind me." She raised her eyebrow.

"Come on Hannah, give me a break. It's only been a couple of weeks since Sammy left. I'm just not used to it." She sighed.

"I know I know! You don't have to yell." He turned away from her and wiped the blood out of his eyes. "You're right…maybe I don't want to get used to it. Maybe I want him to be there, and I figure if I let myself get hurt enough he'll just know and come back." His shoulders slumped and he turned back around. He ran his hand down his face and sighed.

"I hate it when you are right." He took another deep breath. "I'm gonna go take a shower." When the bathroom door shut and the water turned back on Hannah sat back down and continued to fix the button on Dean's favorite shirt. Just as the water was shutting off she heard her phone ring and she answered it.

"Hello?" she said in her soft whisper of a voice.

"Hannah? It's Sam." She smiled.

"Hi." She said and Sam could tell that she was happy to hear from him.

"Is Dean okay?" 

"He's in the shower."

"He got hurt pretty bad tonight didn't he? God I miss him."

"How are your grades?"

"Straight As."

"Like it?"

"I absolutely love it here. I have friends and there is this girl that I want to ask out……" He continued in her silence to share what was going on in his life. What he didn't know was that it was no longer her that was on the other end listening to him prattle on and on about his new wonderful life, it was Dean. She had handed the phone to his brother and Dean sat there, eyes closed a mix of emotions playing across his heart. He was torn between being pleased that is brother was so happy and sad that his brother didn't miss him enough to want to come home. Dean had trained himself for years not to allow himself to cry and today was a test of that training. There was no way he could let Sammy hear him cry.

Sam would never know that it wasn't his sister, for it was rare that Hannah ever spoke. Dean watched his silent sister tie the thread off and appraise her work. He mouthed 'thank you' and she nodded.


	2. Sammy's Leaving

Dean closed the door to the Impala, looked up for a brief second to enjoy the late summer afternoon, before heading into the apartment building that they had been calling home for the last couple of months. As soon as he reached the landing to the second floor, which was one floor below their apartment, he heard screaming. His head jerked up and he took off like a bolt of lightning, taking two, sometimes three, stairs at a time to get to the apartment he was sharing with his family.

He stopped next to the door when he heard the word 'college'. Dean knew what this was about now. He leaned against the wall and slid down and ended up in a crouch. He put his face in his hands and wished that Sammy was less head strong, or that he had been there when Sam had decided to broach this subject with his father, but something deep in him knew that Sammy had waited for him and Hannah to be out to have this conversation with their father. Sam didn't want there to be a mediator or someone who looked at him with disappointed eyes when he started yelling at their father.

"I never wanted to hunt dad! This isn't my life! I'm living your life!"

It was the same fight they always had; Sam wanting his own life and their father not wanting to allow him to leave the family. Dean didn't agree with how his father went about things but Dean didn't want Sammy to leave either. If Sammy got to go to college it just solidified that Dean wasn't worth much, he had raised Sam and he thought that at least Sam would miss him and not want to leave them because he loved Dean enough, but when Hannah had showed Dean the letter from Stanford, he knew that nothing was going to keep Sam away from the school.

Hannah always cleaned out their pockets before she did laundry because she had heard one too many stray bullets rambling about the washer. So it wasn't surprising that she had found the letter telling Sam that he had a full ride to one of the most prestigious schools in the country. She had showed it to Dean and then they both had confronted Sam about it. Well, Dean had confronted, Hannah stood there and looked frustrated and sad as Sam told Dean that he was going to go and he didn't care what Dean, or Dad thought about it.

The fight was getting worse inside the apartment. Sam was starting to yell things about being normal and his father was starting to yell things about how Sam was an ungrateful child and that he should take him over his knee and beat the obstinate streak out of him.

Dean heard soft footfalls come up the stairs. It was Hannah. Hannah's blonde hair was in disarray and Dean realized that she must have been on one of her all day walks. She gave him a quizzical look, and then Sam yelled that he didn't want to blindly follow orders anymore and she nodded. She crouched down on the other side of the door and rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes. Dean could tell she didn't want to hear this either.

"You should try to be more like your brother!" their dad screamed.

"Who would want to be like Dean?" Dean's head shot up and Hannah noted he went pale. "Why would I want to be daddy's perfect little soldier? Huh? I want to be my own person. Dean will never be his own person because he is so freaking busy trying to please you. No. Thank. You!" Sam shouted. Dean felt a tear slip down his face and before he knew what was happening, he felt a hand curl around his. He looked over and saw Hannah crying too.

She cleared her throat and said in her soft voice, "I would." Silence was always Hannah's preferred method of communication and for her to speak those two words meant more than any mouthful of words. Instead of stopping the tears, it made the tears flow faster and he gripped her hand tighter.

"Sam you walk out that door don't you think about ever coming back." There was silence and Dean felt his heart sink into his stomach. The door opened fast and Hannah pulled her hand out of Dean's. Sam stalked out of the door and slammed it. He looked at Dean briefly and then just thumped down the stairs.

"Sammy!" Dean yelled and scrambled to get up and follow him. Hannah stopped him. She shook her head.

"No. We can't stop him." Dean allowed his sister to hold him back. What was left of his heart shattered. The boy he had raised had grown into a man that didn't want to be around him. Hannah was right. There wasn't anything to say or do. Despite the hateful words and the lack of goodbye, Dean still wanted to protect him-to love him.

A/N please let me know if you guys like this and if you think it's worth continuing. Thanks!


	3. Looser

Note: I made up the town. ) Thank you for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this installment!

After they destroyed the Djin and they knew for sure that the girl was going to be all right, Dean made them book it out of there. Sam had looked for a hunt while they were on the road and managed to find one in a backwoods area of Montana. The whole ride to the town of Pokan Dean had been quiet. He hadn't turned on is blaring rock music or made fun of Sam while he slept, which is what he did most often since Sam's return to the hunting fold. Sam often slept in weird positions, and nine times out of ten he had his mouth open, and God forbid he was sick, because then he would snore so loud that it sounded like they had a snorting bull in the car with them.

Dean usually made comments about their sleeping brother that weren't flattering or even nice in some respects, but he liked to hear Hannah laugh even if he did run the risk of Sam hearing, because in Dean's opinion she did far too little of it. Dean even went so far as to make fun of himself if it made Hannah laugh on long car rides. However, this car ride was completely and utterly silent. Even the normally loud Impala was quieter. It seemed to sense that its owner was tired and depressed. Depressed. That was a word that Dean had never associated with himself. Angry, yes, short tempered, yes, kind, yes but never ever had he put the adjective depressed in front of his name before. But right at this moment that was exactly what he was. And he would give anything to shake this particular adjective from his name, but currently it seemed to have been affixed with some killer super glue. Not only did he want to get back to normal because he was tired of this empty space in his stomach and the cold that his coat or long johns couldn't fix, but if Sammy asked him one more time if he was doing all right, he had changed his phrasing from 'are you okay' when Dean had threatened him way back in the fall after their father died, he was seriously going to start hitting the younger man until he lost all of his teeth.

Sammy also wanted Dean to tell him EVERYTHING about his dream life, and Dean was starting to wonder if Sam just wanted to know because Sam had a better life in that particular scenario. Sam seemed to forget that Dean didn't like to share. It was difficult to tell your brother that you were a looser. Hannah, he was thankful, never said much of anything. So it wasn't surprising that she didn't say anything about this either.

They had been in Pokan for several days and Dean and Sam had split up. Sam was at the library researching the monster of the week and Dean was out speaking with the townspeople to get a better understanding of what had been going on. It was almost dusk when he pulled his car into the parking lot of the motel, and he unlocked the door and found his sister standing in front of his bag putting folded clothes into it. She smiled at him and he smiled back, it always made him just a tad uncomfortable that his sister did his laundry and folded it neatly and returned it to his bag. And as usual, he found the baggie, with his name on it, which contained everything from his pockets on the table beside the door.

He took off his leather jacket and laid it on the chair and sat down and pried his boots off.

"Sammy should be back soon and we'll go get dinner," he said off handedly. She nodded and continued to put clothes back. Hannah methodically put things away as he watched her he and noted that she licked her lips, a sure sign that she was going to actually speak, and he wondered what on earth was so important that she felt the need to speak.

"I'm not going to ask if you are all right. I am going to demand that you tell me what happened."

Dean laughed at his little sister's choice of words. "You are going to demand huh?" he asked trying to be funny. She stopped putting clothes into bags and came around to the edge of Sam's bed and sat down.

"I don't ask for much Dean." Those words were her weapons. She only said that when she really wanted something from him, and because she didn't do it often, he always gave in. Plus, it was different talking to her…he didn't have to hold on to his protector of Sammy façade when he talked to her. His shoulders slumped. His left hand reached over and started to spin the silver ring on his right hand. He looked up at her briefly before starting.

"Sammy was happy, Mom was happy, everything was so perfect," he said his voice low and distant. He looked around the room avoiding her eyes and then snorted. "Perfect for everyone but me. I can't even be a good person in my dreams."

"You are a good person Dean."

"No, I'm not. I'm a killer, I'm a looser, I'm an idiot." His voice held venom and hatred. Did he really hate himself that much? Did he really believe the things that he felt? Was it the depression talking? He felt the tears sting the back of his eyes and he refused to let her see him cry. He had let her see his tears once or twice before but not this time. "Sammy believed that I would owe money to a bookie and that I would steal from mom in order to get the money." A bitter laugh escaped his lips. "Sammy thought it was normal. The look on his face when he said that he couldn't believe that we were even related, you should have seen it Hannah, he's given me that look before. Now, I just know what it means." He concentrated on the ring. "Mom was so proud of him, she just kept asking me what I was doing there. The only time she was really affectionate towards me was at the end when they wanted to keep me in the fantasy." Standing, running a hand through his hair he sighed. "Hannah, I didn't even go to college there either. I know Sammy is the smart one but…" he trailed off and he moved to look out the window. She was one of the few people that could move around him undetected and he jumped when she touched his shoulder.

"I love you Dean." He turned around and saw the tears running down her face. Her words were simple and yet they held so much power. When one didn't speak normally, anything they said seemed powerful and important. She touched his face in a loving sisterly way and continued. "You just don't love you. That was why the fantasy was like that. The Djin only had your memories and feelings to go from." She hugged him. "You are not worthless," her words whispered into his ear. That one simple sentence was it. That was what he needed to hear. He held onto her tightly.

"Thank you." She nodded into his chest. The door opened and Sam entered and the moment he saw his siblings his face went from plain unreadable lines to a mask of confusion and worry. Dean saw the look on his brother's face over the top of their sister's head and he gave a weak smile, kissed the top of Hannah's head, and let go.

"You all right?" Sam asked and for the first time in a long while Dean didn't want to kick Sam's teeth in at the sound of the question.

Instead he replied, "I'll be fine" and he meant it.


	4. Sleeping Arrangements

Not sure if I managed to get this installment on paper the way I saw it in my head. I sure hope you guys like this. Thank you so much for the positive reviews!

The first night without Sammy was a hard one. Two minutes after the door slammed shut with Sammy on the other side of it, their father had come out of the small apartment and said only, "Get your stuff, we have other places to be." Both Dean and Hannah had taken one last lingering look at the stairs that had led Sammy away from his older siblings and taken him to what he hoped and believed was a better place. Both older siblings looked at each other, sadness evident in both sets of eyes. Dean put an arm around his little sister and gave a squeeze. Putting his hand on her back he gave her a gentle nudge back inside the apartment to gather up their meager belongings.

It was almost a blessing that the siblings were riding in the Impala alone together; because their father was so angry with Sam for leaving that he took it out on the two remaining children. He screamed at Hannah to "move faster" and "answer me when I'm talking to you", which wasn't something anyone had ever really expected of the blonde. He rode Dean harder telling him that now since Sammy was away it was going to be impossible to watch over him. He had even accused Dean of instigating the whole situation. Dean had been taken aback by that accusation. The last thing in the world he would ever do would be to encourage Sammy to go away. He needed the younger man around more than anyone knew. Sam was his life. It truly showed how little his father understood his eldest son.

By the time they reached the car, Hannah had tears in her eyes and Dean had a wide eyed frightened look. They were driving to the next state. John had said that there was a haunting there. Dean didn't care what the hell was there; he just knew that his father wanted as much distance from the apartment where it all went wrong as possible.

About two hundred miles into the trip, Dean turned off the blaring AC/DC and turned to his sister who was watching the scenery fly by her window.

"You think Sammy's okay?" she looked at him and her mournful blue eyes said that she did in fact think he was okay.

"Of course Sammy's okay. He's a grown man. He can do what he wants. He doesn't need me to protect him anymore." Dean continued to watch the road albeit is features were a little more strained after his last declaration. "I'm proud of him," he muttered quietly. Hannah touched his hand gently and rested her head on his shoulder for the rest of the drive.

Once they arrive at the dingy motel they asked for the same room arrangement they had had since Hannah had become a young woman. Dean set his bag down and immediately went and took a shower. He had been driving for 9 hours straight and he was road weary and exhausted. After his shower, he didn't even bother to flip through the channels. He just got into the bed closest to the door and tried to sleep. Falling asleep wasn't much of a problem, however, staying asleep was. His mind raced with worry for Sam, sadness for himself, and fears that his father would never be happy with just him around. Dean had known for the last couple of years that Sam was worth more to their father than he ever would be. That was the reason that he had always trained harder, learned more weapons and followed every order their father laid down. Dean wanted to be noticed, wanted to be loved.

There were few things in this world that Dean Winchester knew. One was that Sammy loved him. However that had all changed this afternoon. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure Sammy loved him. It had been way too easy for Sam to just leave without saying good bye. In fact, the last words out of his mouth had been "Who would want to be like Dean?" Maybe Dean hadn't done such a good job after all. Pressing his hands to his eyes he tried to clear his head of the unwanted thoughts and feelings. His mind worried at the question, "am I worth anything to anyone?' like a dog worries at a bone.

He turned on his side trying to find a more comfortable position and the empty bed beside him starred at him. He hadn't slept alone since he was four. He was used to the sounds Sam made when he slept; the deep rhythmic breathing, the snoring, the drooling. However, tonight the only sound that could be had was the sound of the crickets in the distance singing their love song. He was just used to Sam. He turned back onto his back and rubbed his face with his hands and tried to fall back asleep. Sleep eluded him, however, he felt edgy and uncomfortable and short of Sam walking through that door, he didn't think there would be a way to fix the situation.

A knock on the door startled him. He pulled his knife out from under his pillow and slowly went to the door. The knock turned into three knocks with a finger tap and he knew that it was Hannah. He opened the door and there she stood in her duck jammy pants, that Sam had bought her for Christmas, Dean's old Led Zeppelin tee shirt, and white socks. She looked down at the knife and then back to her brother's eyes. She stepped inside when he moved away and she turned down the unmade bed as he closed and locked the door. By the time he was at his own bed she was inside the covers.

"I know I'm not Sam," she mumbled as she turned on her side and curled up into a ball.

Dean sat down on his bed and realized that she knew exactly how he felt. No she wasn't Sam and there was no way she could ever replace him, she knew that. But she could at least allow him to protect her-- to love her. She knew that was his purpose in life, to protect his family and without Sammy around to protect, he was lost. Hannah had decided that she would do her best to nudge him out of the darkness and back into the light. He was thankful. He asked God to protect Sammy, the first prayer he had given in a long time, rolled over onto his side, and was finally able to go to sleep.


	5. All Hell Breaks Loose

This takes place during "All Hell Breaks Loose" Part 1.

Dean held onto the gun so tight that he knew his hand was going to hurt in the morning, but right at this second he didn't care how much his hands hurt, he needed to find Sam. Sam was the most important thing right now, possibly ever. Bobby stood at his side, ready and willing to fight for Dean's little brother. Hannah was behind them, she had a gun and she knew how to use it but it had been a very long time since she had actually used one. Dean didn't care. All he cared about was that she was one more body that had weapons knowledge. She would kill for Sam, he was her brother and she loved him. She may not say much of anything but Dean knew that she would lay down her life for her brothers and right at the present second that was all he needed.

From the moment Sam had disappeared Dean had panicked. He and Hannah were his only family now. He hated to even think it, but at this precise moment he would trade Hannah's life for Sam's. Sam was his brother; the two of them had a bond that no one could ever fathom much less replace. He loved Hannah with all of his heart, but she wasn't Sam. She had even said as much the first night Sam had been away from the family. Today, when he had had the vision, she had hugged him tightly and whispered, "Sammy will find a way back to you." She had helped him up, and taken the keys from him and gotten inside the trunk and looked for the one gun that their father had given her years ago. She hardly ever touched it, and she had never used it before. However, with an expert's touch she checked to see if the gun was loaded and she looked at her brother who was now standing, shakily, beside her. She said, "I'll kill what ever son of a bitch has taken my brother, and so help me God if he's hurt..." Her voice was shaky with emotion and Dean wrapped an arm around her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Dean was probably the only other person in the world who understood her feelings, without each other they had no one.

Bobby watched the two with silent interest. The Winchester family had always intrigued him. Hannah had never spoken more than three words in his presence and he wouldn't have known what her voice sounded like if she had come up behind him, but here and now her voice was loud, strong, and clear and she was threatening whoever came to harm her family. The words were Dean's and the vulnerability in her eyes was Sam. They all got into the car without further conversation and they began the long trek to find Sam.

Now, here they were in the middle of the woods, Hannah holding her gun and hoping that she wouldn't have to use it, and Dean holding his and hoping that whatever was keeping his brother would be hurt by either rock salt or consecrated iron rounds. Both siblings were wound tight. Brother and sister alike were ready to spring into action to defend or murder for their brother.

Dean took a deep breath and yelled Sam's name hoping that they were close enough for Sam to hear. He also hoped that if Sam could hear him that he was still able answer him. 'If Sam is dead…' Dean's mind strayed. 'No, Dean! You can't think like that. Sammy is fine. You will find him in one piece and he will get into the car and we can crash at Bobby's and regroup. Everything will be fine.' His mind reassured himself. He yelled one more time and off in the distance he thought he heard "Dean."

Dean looked at Hannah and she nodded. She had heard the same feint sound. Sam had to be out there. A flood of relief streamed down his body and the three hurried on their path following the sound. Dean yelled a third time for Sam and finally they both saw Sam coming towards them. His tall figure was holding one arm, but otherwise he looked relieved to see them and no worse for wear.

Bobby glanced over at the two elder Winchesters and saw that the coiled muscles had relaxed and both didn't look so ready to murder. In the time Bobby had taken to look at the two Winchesters he had missed what Hannah and Dean saw and were unable to prevent. A man in a uniform, obviously a soldier, came up behind Sam with a knife in his hand. Dean yelled, "Sam! Look out!" and both he and Hannah took off running towards Sam. Dean with his long legs was able to move faster than his sister, so when he dropped in front of Sam's limp form she was several paces behind her brothers. When she saw Sam's face over Dean's shoulder, she dropped to her knees, her brother; her big strong baby brother was lying limp and lifeless in Dean's arms. Hannah's hands flew to her mouth and a strangled scream rushed past her lips and joined Dean's frantic cry of "Sam!" Both brother and sister wailed for their fallen brother.

Dean cradled their brother and Hannah bent over on all fours and retched up the little food that Dean had insisted she eat. Her blonde hair drug in the mud and her tears melded with the rain. When she looked up, her mind half expected Sam's eyes to open and for him to wink at her, this all being a cruel joke that Sam had decided to play. But when her eyes looked back, her brother was in fact not moving, not breathing—not alive. And her fearless older brother, the one person in her life that could laugh in the face of any dire situation, make a joke to ease the tension or sadness, cure a broken heart, or take away fear was broken. Crying. No, sobbing his very essence onto the dead man.

No more Sam. The thought rushed through both Dean and Hannah's mind. Dean held onto Sam as tightly as possible and tried to fathom how he could go on living. Hannah slowly forced herself up, her legs not wanting to succumb to her commands, made her way over to her living and dead brothers and she wrapped her arms around Dean and thereby Sam's lifeless body. She felt Dean's wracking sobs and she added her own wretched sobs to the mix. Dean rocked both of his siblings, like he had done when they were little; Sammy in his arms, and Hannah at his back. No one said it would be all right, because it wouldn't be. It would never be all right again. The demon had finally taken too much.


	6. All Hell Breaks Loose P2

**Author's Note: This takes place during the opening scenes of "All Hell Breaks Loose" part 2. Also, I wanted to thank everyone for reviewing. You guys are too kind. **

The siblings worked in tandem to get their larger baby brother off of the muddy ground and into shelter. Bobby offered to help but both siblings had replied that they could handle him. Bobby watched as Dean hoisted half of Sam's dead weight onto his shoulders and waited for Hannah to do the same on her end. They slowly walked him to the nearest shelter, the toe of Sam's shoes dragging and collecting mud the whole way. Bobby opened the door for them and they managed to maneuver him onto the bed. Dean pulled his shoes off, Hannah moved his hair off of his face, Dean straightened his legs, Hannah pulled his coat around him a little more, and they came together in the middle, each taking one hand and arranging it on his stomach. When they were finished Hannah came around to Dean and slipped a hand into his. The two starred at their dead brother, silent grief on Dean's face, and open weeping coming from Hannah.

Dean's heart was in his throat. His baby brother, his reason for living, was lying there, dead, lifeless, motionless, devoid of a soul on a filthy bed in the middle of nowhere. There was nothing he could do to make anything better. He couldn't even give his brother a proper bed to lie upon even in death. Flashes of a younger Sam ran through Dean's head, Sam smiling, Sam frowning, Sam playing pranks on Dean, Sam fighting with hair that was too long, Sam fighting with their Dad, Sam fighting with Dean, Sam sneaking a kiss on the top of Hannah's head. Dean felt a tear roll down his cheek. He knew it was going to be the first of many. His breath hitched and Hannah leaned into his shoulder. That was all it took. A dam broke in Dean's mind and he started to sob. Hannah wrapped her arms around her brother, and Dean held her tightly and together they sobbed over their dead brother.

Hannah held onto Dean and hoped that he would never let her go. Never in her life had she thought that Sam would die. Expecting her dad and Dean to die, was something that she had come to accept, but Sammy was supposed to be protected at all costs.

"I let him down." Dean started saying over and over again. Hannah held him tighter. She didn't try to tell him otherwise because she knew Dean too well; guilt was going to gnaw at him until he died. It wouldn't matter what she said, this would bother Dean for the rest of his life, and she sincerely hoped that he wouldn't allow himself to die. Hannah couldn't go at life alone. The Winchesters were like a pack of dogs. They protected their own and when the pack was gone, they weren't likely to just go off and find a new pack; they were more likely to roll over and die. Dean's sobs subsided and he pushed Hannah gently from him.

"Change your clothes Hannah. I don't want you to get sick." Hannah didn't make a move. Dean watched her pale face, and for the first time in a long time saw her face unadorned. Her glasses had been removed a while ago. Her hair was pulled severely from her face and she was pale. She barely shook her head no.

"It wasn't a suggestion Hannah. It was an order. Go. Get your clothes changed." Hannah stood. It had been a long time since Dean had given her an order. His voice gave no room for disobedience and if his voice wasn't enough to make her move, his swollen red eyes, with the fire intense green irises were the clincher. It was a childhood reaction for her to stand up and exit the cabin for the Impala to get a change of clothes.

She changed clothes and she returned to the room in which Sam was laying. She sat up against the wall and each time Dean passed her she brushed his hand, needing the reassurance that he was in fact alive and well.

Bobby came in while Dean was watching his dead brother and offered him food. Dean said no, Hannah heard Bobby starting to talk and she could feel the tension rising in Dean. She stood and went to stand behind her brother to offer what little strength she had. The power of Dean's voice when he said "Let it in" actually scared her a little. She backed away and Dean stood, he actually pushed Bobby and then tried to calm down. Hannah touched his shoulder and he reached up and put his hand atop of hers.

"Hannah, talk some sense into your brother."

"We've paid enough." She said softly echoing Dean's words. Bobby's wide eyes took in the two wrecked siblings and he backed away. He said something that Hannah didn't quite catch.

She didn't sit in the room with Dean and Sam, but she heard everything that Dean said. He was blaming himself for Sam's death. She had figured that he would, but actually hearing the words broke her heart. Dean screamed again and she jumped up and there was a realization in his eyes. He looked at her and she knew. Knew exactly what he was about to do.

"I'll do it." She said quickly grabbing onto his arms. "He needs you more than he does me." Dean's heart went out to her. But he couldn't allow her to make this sacrifice.

"No Hannah. No. I couldn't live without either of you. If I don't come back, protect him. That will be your job. It's an order young lady." Hannah nodded shakily. He wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumb. "I love you." Her eyes closed she heard the door slam and the Impala's engine rumble. She crumbled to the floor and sobbed. The demon just kept taking.


	7. Penguins

**Author's Note: Welp. This was definitely not how I saw it in my head. I don't know if it is better or worse. Let me know! Thank you for reading.**

Dean and his father came home late Sunday night from a hunt. They both expected the house to be silent. Sam usually liked to be in bed by 10 on a school night, and since Dean expected Sammy to have adequate rest, Hannah usually stuck to Dean's bedtime rules. Hannah never liked to stay up late; she was usually in bed shortly after Sam. So, when Dean opened the door and found the lights in the kitchen on, and the radio playing softly he was more than a little worried.

John looked at his son and Dean mumbled, "This isn't right." Dean walked softly towards the kitchen. He took the gun out of his coat and cocked it. If something had a hold of his family he would blow them away without a second thought. He crept into the entry to the kitchen and waited for a moment and then threw himself inside with his gun pointed directly in front of him. Instead of finding some creepy crawly of the night, he found a rather unfazed Hannah at the kitchen table cutting out kissing penguins in front of a heart.

"What are you doing?" Dean demanded. She jumped at the sound of his voice, dropped her scissors and glared at him. Like a typical Winchester, guns didn't startle her nearly as much as unexpected outbursts. John laughed and clapped his son on the shoulder.

"You are going to be one very over protective father Dean." He went over to his only daughter, kissed her on the head and said, "Hey there sweetie, you have a good weekend?" She nodded and gave him a small smile. John sighed when he looked back at Dean. "Son. I'm going to bed. Go easy on her. It's not like she was out gallivanting around town. She was working on something. Be understanding."

Dean wanted to smart back to his father. Be understanding? Why did everyone have to be understanding to Sammy and Hannah? Why was it that every time he needed someone to be kind, gentle and understanding to him they always yelled that much louder and made him feel that much worse? How dare his father tell him how to raise his siblings! If John Winchester wanted to raise his own children then he shouldn't have always told Dean to 'Watch out for your brother and sister. Take care of them Dean. It's your job to keep Sammy safe.' Maybe if John wanted to dictate bedtimes then maybe Dean should just quit school and move away.

Hannah watched the rage fill Dean as their father left the room to go to bed. When he turned back around to glare at his sister, she noted that he had a rather large cut on his arm. It was hardly visible under the coat he was wearing, but Hannah had trained herself to notice little things when it came to Dean. He was very good at hiding things; weather it be emotional or physical wounds. Dean got a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, opened it and took a swig. He was trying to calm down just enough to start interrogating his sister. Since he was taking a drink and was too angry to remember to hide his wounds, she was able to see just how bad the cut was. In fact, it was still bleeding. Sighing at her brother's lack of interest in himself, she stopped in the middle of cutting her penguins and went to the cabinet next to the refrigerator, stood on her tip toes, and retrieved the medical kit.

"I'm fine," he grumbled. Hannah felt herself want to growl at him. She sighed instead and took the bottle of water out of his hand and put it down on the counter.

"Hey. I was drinking that." Her eyes said she didn't care and that she just wanted him to shut up. She tugged at his coat. She wished she was just a little taller in order to reach up to his shoulder and force the coat off of him. "I'm fine Hannah." She glared at him and he sighed and allowed his coat to be removed. After examining the wound and deciding that it probably wouldn't require stitches, she took out a couple of cotton balls and the peroxide out of the kit and began to clean the wound. He hissed with the first swipe of the cool liquid. His eyes found hers and he glared.

"What are you doing up? It is past one am and you have school and college classes tomorrow." She nodded.

"That wasn't an answer Hannah Mary Winchester."

"I had to get the penguins done for Homecoming, and I didn't have time this weekend. Sammy needed to go to the library, I had homework and work and it was just busy." Dean sighed. "You need to take better care of yourself Dean."

"What does it matter?"

"I don't want you sick." Dean closed his eyes as his sister wrapped the wound with gauze. Dean snorted.

"It wouldn't matter if I was sick or dying. Dad still wouldn't care. As long as his precious Sammy is fine it doesn't matter what happens to Dean." So there it was. Hannah watched his eyes go from rage to pain in less than thirty seconds. "Sammy asks to stay home from a hunt because he wants to study and he can. No questions asked. But my God if I ever even thought of missing a hunt." Dean shook his head.

"You like hunting."

"I do. But….there are weekends where I would like to be able to take a girl out." Dean sat down and she sat next to him. "I did everything he asked this weekend. Everything. But I make one little mistake and that is what he talks about the entire way back to the apartment. 'Dean, you can't hesitate. It's coming after you, you need to shoot.'" Dean ran his hands up and down his face. "It looked like a kid Hannah. It couldn't have been more than 10. I can't shoot something that looks like a kid. I don't care how evil or dead it is. It was innocent. Innocence should never be murdered."

"You feel like your innocence was murdered." Dean shot up.

"Don't put words in my mouth Hannah. I don't even know why I'm talking about this. It doesn't matter. You need to be in bed in an hour. I don't want to be dragging your butt out of bed in the morning." He started for the back of the house, her scissors were again cutting the construction paper when he turned, 'Thanks for wrapping my arm." She nodded.

Dean turned and again took off for the back of the house. Hannah stopped cutting and watched her brother's retreating form. She would give her life to allow him the innocence that he craved. She would give anything to make him feel like he was worth something.


	8. Sam I Am Not

**Author's Note: Thanks again to all who have written me reviews!**

Dean came back to the crappy motel that Hannah, he and their father were sharing in Athens, Ohio and for the first time in a super long time when he entered the motel he didn't want to sigh at the ugly wall paper or the disgusting green carpet. He took off his coat and he heard his sister moving around in the bathroom. Glancing at his watch he noted that it was 7:30 in the morning and that was a typical time for her to be finishing up in the bathroom. His sister was nothing if not predictable. Even on nights when she had stayed up much later than she ought to she would be up at the crack of dawn, have her shower, and be ready to start the day.

He put his leather coat on the bed he should have slept in the night before. He laughed as he thought about the girl he had been with and how he had yet to sleep. Hannah came out of the bathroom and smiled at him. She raised an eyebrow and her glittering blue eyes told him what she thought of his late night excursion.

"It wasn't like that Hannah," he said as she went digging through her back pack for her hair brush. She glanced up at him and her expression clearly said 'fine prove it.'

"I will not tell you what I did last night." She shrugged and pretended to not care. He rolled his eyes and lay back down on the bed and rubbed a hand down his face. Exhaustion hadn't even set in yet. He was still riding high from last night. The experience had been like the adrenaline high you get during a hunt. Every sense had been tingling last night. Everything about him had been stimulated and exhilarated. He felt his legs being tapped and he moved them to allow his sister to sit down. He heard the brush pulling through her long blonde hair and felt the drips of water sting his face. The flowery scent of her shampoo wafted into his nose and added to his remembrances of the night before. Cassie had smelled so good. He remembered thinking that he hadn't ever noted the smell of a woman before. He had always appreciated their bodies, sometimes their minds, but rarely had he ever thought 'Wow. She smells good.' Cassie had smelled rich and inviting. A smile played on his full lips and suddenly he felt a lot more water being splattered onto his face. He opened his eyes and found his sister kneeling over top of him flinging her wet hair in his direction. He laughed and sat himself up.

"You can stop with the Chinese water torture little sister, I ain't telling you anything." She stood and put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"I think since I covered for you last night you can at least tell me what you were doing?"

"I can't tell my little sister these kids of things." Her eyes flashed and she went to her bag and pulled out an oversized flannel shirt. It had been one of the uglier ones Sam had owned, and Dean had always wondered where exactly that shirt had gone; now he knew. She pulled it on over her pink shirt, looked around the room and grabbed the chair that was sitting at the desk and pulled it over in front of Dean, pulled her shorter bangs into her eyes, and stood on the chair. Standing on the chair she was a little under 6'0, but with Dean sitting, she was able to glare down at him with her hands on her hips.

"Dean." She said in her best Sammy voice. Laughter erupted out of the older hunter. Hannah, continuing with her charade, said, "Dean. Come on. You need to express your feelings. You can't keep them pent up. It isn't natural." Dean laughed so hard that his eyes began to tear up. "Dean, why are you laughing at me? It isn't nice to laugh at people." She wrinkled her brow and she looked so like Sam for a minute. She tried to keep the stance but she couldn't and she started laughing herself. She ended up sitting next to her brother and resting her head on his shoulder.

"You know what; you are pretty good at imitating him." She looked up and offered him a smile. He wrapped an arm around his little sister.

"Just know that I met a girl that I really liked and that I didn't want to have sex with." She looked up at him and she gave him a sad smile knowing what he was about to say. "I met her in library at OU and she was sitting there looking so beautiful and of course I hit on her, I really intended to just blow off some steam with her. But we got to talking and we ended up at an all night coffee shop just talking and talking. I really like her Hannah." The rush he had been feeling earlier began to subside and he looked down at his hands. "I can't have her though can I? We'll be here a couple of weeks and then I'll have to leave her and it isn't like an educated, beautiful young woman will want to give up her life and go on the road and leave everything and everyone she knows to stay with a blue collar hunter." He rubbed a hand up and down his face.

"You never know Dean. She just might."

"But for me?" he asked.

"Yes. For you. You are more than a hunter. You are a good person. You are someone a girl could spend the rest of her life with. Maybe she would be willing to love you enough to do just that." She put her head back down on his shoulder. "Give it some time. Maybe tell her the truth."

"You know Dad's rules."

"Dean you are 23. You don't have to follow all of Dad's orders."

"But the last time I didn't follow Dad's orders-"she put a hand to his mouth.

"Sam is fine. He is at Stanford."

"But-"

"You make life more complicated than it is. This isn't about Sam either Dean. This is about you allowing your heart to be vulnerable to someone other than your family. Just try. You'll never know until you try." Dean took a deep breath and sighed. Finally, after a couple silent seconds he nodded. He ran his hand up and down the thighs of his jeans and stood.

"I'm gonna catch a shower. I hope you didn't take all of the hot water." She smiled as he walked the short distance to the bathroom. Turning on the light, he turned to face his sister. "By the way, you do Sammy so well that it makes me a little uncomfortable." A smile broke across his face and his original good humor returned to his hazel eyes. The door shut and Hannah lay back on her bed and hoped to hell that she had given him the right advice.


	9. Sibling cat fight

**Author's Note: This is very Dean centric. Okay, most of this story has been Dean centric, but this part is extry Dean centric )**

Hannah sighed and starred at the computer. Her eyes were starting to go cross and she hadn't slept well the night before. She had fought with Dean and that never settled well with her. Fighting, verbal or otherwise, was just not something that Hannah Winchester did often or liked to do period. Fighting with her father was easy. He usually got mad, gave and order and left, but Dean…well he would fight until he thought he won. She regretted them going to bed angry last night. Dean hadn't left her with much of an option. After they fought he took the car and went to a bar. She supposed that he got himself pretty drunk because he didn't come in until the wee hours of the morning. When he had awakened at noon, he hadn't said anything to her except "Thanks for the coffee" and went with their father to finish the research before the salt and burn this evening. She had managed to slip a note into the Impala that read that she loved him and hoped that he came back safely. She had watched him read it from the hotel window. The smile on his face had let her know that she was forgiven. She supposed that note would wind up in his black journal that she had given him for his last birthday.

The phone startled her out of her thoughts and she glanced at the clock and it read 9:00 in its large red digital numbers. She gave a small smile as she realized that the only person that would call would be Sammy and sure enough when she saw "Sammy" on the screen of her cell phone.

"Sammy?" she said in her whisper of a voice.

"It's Sam," he said with a chuckle.

"Fine….Sam…." she drew out his name as she rolled her eyes. "How are you?"

"Great. I was wondering if you could tell Dean that I'm thinking about asking Jess…you know….the question… and I want his help." She sighed inwardly. She had started this fight with Dean the night before and she supposed that she had to replay the entire fight with Sam.

"No. I will not tell Dean anything. I am not a carrier pigeon. If you want Dean to know something than you can call him yourself." Sam was taken aback. Hannah never ever denied either brother anything.

"I can't call Dean," he said incredulously.

"I don't know why."

"You know perfectly well why."

"Actually, I don't understand why."

"You'd do it for Dean."

"Oh come off it Sam. The next thing you're going to say is that I like Dean better than I do you," she sighed and tried to regroup. "I got into this exact same fight with him last night. I told Dean I wouldn't tell you stuff for him either."

"What did he want me to know?" Sam asked expectantly.

"Call him and find out."

"Is he okay?"

"Sam. I would tell you something like 'Dean is in the hospital,' or 'Sam, guess what, Dean died." There was silence on the other end of the phone, Hannah had struck a nerve.

"Don't say that." Sam's voice was low and if Hannah didn't know any better she would say that he was slightly nervous. Hannah hated to prey on her brother's emotions but she had to drive this point home and she was about to manipulate the hell out of him.

"What Sammy? That Dean could die tonight while he is hunting? Well wake up Sammy nothing has really changed. He could have died while you were here. But let me guess the difference is that since you haven't talked to him in what? Three and a half years? That you would be upset that you didn't get to say good bye or even really know what he looks like."

"Hannah…"

"No. I don't even really know why you want him to help you ask her. I mean, you've probably told her some really bad crap about Dean. Let me guess…probably that he is a wise ass drunk who chews women up and spits them out? Why would she want someone like that around her? I know if my boyfriend described his brother that way I wouldn't even want him at the wedding." Sam was silent on the other end.

"I take it from your silence that I'm right. Well just so you know Sammy, he tells everyone that he meets that his geek brother has a full ride to Stanford. He all but puffs up with pride. He loves you Sammy and you have hurt him pretty badly. He raised us. He raised us to think better of each other." She allowed the silence to flow. It was several minutes before she even heard stirring on the other end. Hannah was used to keeping her tongue in her head and listening, so waiting for her brother to speak wasn't awkward or taxing on her part.

"You've never said this much in your whole life Hannah."

"I've never needed to before."

"I can't call Dean."

"Then I guess you will need to figure out how to ask her yourself."

"But I always figured Dean would help."

"Dean always figured that you would be with the family. But I guess both of you were wrong."

"Hannah I needed to be my own person."

"You are."

"I am now. But…"

"Sammy. Don't play with Dean. He can't take it." Hannah heard Jess in the background.

"I gotta go Hannah."

"I heard her. I suppose you aren't going to call me anymore."

"What?"

"I've made you mad just like Dad and Dean did." Sam was shocked. His sister figured that he wasn't going to speak with her because they had a disagreement. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

"I'll call you next Friday."

"Okay Sammy. I love you."

"I love you too Hannah. Night."

"Night." They both hung up the phone. Sam sat there for a second starring at his cell. His sister had taken him by surprise. She was never one to fight; she was the one who silently patted each brother on the shoulder and let them yell and scream. Never once had she been the one to get angry. Jess poked her head around the doorway to the bedroom.

"Sister?"

"Yeah."

"She okay?"

"She's fine."

"You sure? From what you've told me about your brother and father I don't think she should be there with them alone." Sam wanted to get mad, but then he remembered that Jess didn't know Dean and Sam had painted the picture that Hannah had described. Jess didn't know that Dean was out right now risking his life to save someone else's. She didn't know that he would give his last dollar to his sister if she were hungry. She didn't know anything good about Dean. Hannah had been right on just about every account. He had made the man who raised him out to be some sort of monster.

"I'm sure. Hannah is a tough cookie. Come on. Let's go get dinner." Jess smiled and followed Sam out of the bedroom.

Hannah, on the opposite end of the country, threw her glasses down on the desk and sighed. Her brothers were going to be the death of her. She leaned back in the chair and sighed, "Men."


	10. Breakdown

**Author's Note: Post "All Hell Breaks Loose" Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks!**

Sighing, Hannah folded the shirts that she had just laundered for her brothers. She made a mental note that Dean needed under shirts and that Sam needed a couple more shirts in general. They were getting a lot of blood on them lately. She supposed that since the gates of hell had allowed over 200 demons out that the boys would be getting a lot more blood on their clothes. She folded a pair of Dean's jeans and wondered if he was going to continue to fit into the ones he owned. Dean was eating an exorbitant amount of food, and if he kept it up he would outgrow his jeans soon.

"I really don't want to have to spend money on new jeans if he isn't going to be around." She froze with the thought. And that was exactly how Sam found his sister; standing in front of Dean's bag with his jeans clutched tightly in her little hands. Her knuckles had long since gone white and they were now shaking with strain.

It didn't take him long to figure out what was wrong with his big sister. She was thinking about the deal that Dean had made. It must have just now finally occurred to her that Dean wouldn't be around much longer. Sam felt the guilt sting his stomach. Dean and Hannah had always been close. Hell, he had forced them to be close when he moved away. It had to difficult for her to have to choose one brother or the other. He rested a hand on her shoulder and she startled and shook her head. A tear slipped down her cheek and he encouraged her to sit down. Sitting down next to her, she rested her head on his shoulder. It took him a little by surprise. Hannah usually didn't seek out affection. She was one to comfort, but otherwise she, like her brothers, didn't engage in affection.

"I'm sorry. He shouldn't have made the deal. I'm not worth it." Sam found himself saying. Since he fount out what had happened he had wanted to apologize to his sister and brother; he knew that Dean would never acknowledge the apology, but he felt that he at least owed that to Hannah. She pulled away from him and he was acutely aware of her absence. She shook her head and took his chin in her hands and looked up into his hazel eyes.

"Don't you ever apologize for that again!" she said. Her voice never exceeded a whisper and today was no different. Her eyes held a ferocity that he had never seen in his sister before. "I would have given up my life for you. Dean just wouldn't let me." Sam closed his eyes and sighed. He pulled from her grasp and stood up.

"I'm not worth more than you or Dean." Sam ran a hand through his hair and his frustration was evident. "Did Dean ever think about how I would feel about this? He of all people should know how it feels! God! I can't even imagine life without him. He's been the one to raise me and take care of me." Sam started pacing while he yelled. "I can't let him go. I won't. That damn demon is going to have to go through me before they take another Winchester." His bravado belied just how scared and frustrated he truly was. Sam continued to rave and then tears got the better of him and his posture slumped. "If it wouldn't defeat the purpose I would kill him myself." Sam sighed. "He must really hate himself if he is willing to go to hell."

"Have you thought that he just loves you that much?"

"How could he love me that much? I've ditched him, treated him like he's an idiot, I've never really appreciated him."

"Sam, all brothers do that to each other. Dean isn't a saint either. He's chewed you out for no reason. He's embarrassed you and me." She said with a smile. "We all do things that we regret."

"But not all of us only have a year left with our loved ones. If I had just paid attention I would have seen Jake coming at me with that dagger. I was just so relieved to see Dean. I thought 'finally, Dean has come to get me. What took him so long?' How horrible is that?" Tears started free flowing down his long face and Hannah stood and wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her head against his upper stomach. He wrapped his arms around her and said, "What happens if I can't save him Hannah? What are we going to do when he's gone?" Hannah hugged him tighter because she had no words. She didn't know what they were going to do without Dean, their brother, protector, their family—their father


	11. Hustling

Dean pulled into the gas station, he had a twenty left in his wallet and he needed to use that to put gas into the Impala. He sighed to himself as he realized he would have to do some serious hustling tonight. He always pretended that he enjoyed the hustle. He really and truly was ashamed that the only way he could help provide for what was left of his family was by swindling drunken stupid men who were trying to impress their girls. Just once he would like to earn the money he spent.

Sammy's voice always echoed in the back of his mind when hustled. "Dean," Sammy had often begun. His eyes always narrowed just enough to show his disapproval. "Why don't you just get a job?" Dean had wondered that himself over and over again. He would love to work on classic cars. If he had one dream in life it would be to own an antique car shop. Sometimes, when they would stop in smaller towns he would see the towns folk gathered in a park with all of the classic cars that they had restored sitting out with their hoods open allowing other classic car aficionados to see what powered these beautiful beasts. Occasionally, he allowed himself to imagine himself out there with the Impala. Showing everyone how his beautiful car worked and hearing people say that she was a fine piece of machinery.

However, the reality was that he never stayed in one place long enough to hold down a job to earn the money that would build his shop. He shook his head and stepped out of the car, put the pump into the car, and opened his wallet and found that instead of just one twenty there was a whole wad of cash in there. Surprise overcame him and he got into the passenger's side of the car and counted the money. All together there was five hundred and twenty dollars inside his wallet.

"What the hell?" he wondered out loud. "Dad must have hustled last night and put the money in my wallet when I was asleep." He decided. However, that explanation didn't sit well with him either. It wasn't John Winchester's style to do something like that covertly. The only other explanation was that Hannah had put it there but she wasn't one to hustle and she was as honest as they came. She made Sam look devious. She was the family's moral rock. He could not come up with one conceivable way for Hannah to have obtained the money.

The pump stopped and jerked him out of his reverie. After paying for the full tank of gas, he headed back to the motel where he had left his sister for the day. His initial intention had been to go to the library and do more research, but now the hut was forgotten and he had a whole different kind of research to do.

He opened the door and found his sister in front of the lap top that she was so frequently in front of. She had headphones on and didn't hear him come in the door. For the first time he actually looked at the spread that she had around her. She not only had her lap top but she had a printer scanner combo and they were all going. Usually, by the time he returned to the motel room, she had cleaned up her space and her lap top was the only thing left on the desk. Confused he went to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She yelped and turned; her wide blue eyes saucer like today. She pulled the head phones out of her ears and gave him a questioning look.

"Where did you get the money for this?" he asked pointedly.

"I earned it?"

"How?"

"You, Dad and Sam have left me alone a lot in my life and I worked wherever I could."

"Explain the five hundred in my wallet." She looked down and blushed. Dean assumed the worst.

"You didn't you know…sell…" he gestured to her body. She gasped and shook her head.   
Disgust evident on her face.

"No. I did not do THAT." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Then where?"

"Remember those college classes I took while in school?"

"Yeah."

"It was for web design. It has just taken me a while to make enough money that I can actually do what I want with it. I finally had an account big enough that I could do more than just pay off my computer."

"I don't want your money. You earned it." Hannah had been afraid of this. Dean had a lot of pride and she never wanted to hurt him, and the only way that she thought that she could save his pride was to give him the money without his knowledge. She had slipped it into his wallet last night while he had slept. She thought it would be perfect. Honestly, she hadn't really thought that he would put two and two together and realize it was her. She had hoped that he would think that their dad had hustled and put the money there. She should have known that her big brother would figure it out with relative ease.

"I don't want you to hustle any more."

"I don't have time to get…"

"I know you don't. And you know that I can't hunt. I just can't bring myself to do what you and Dad do. This is the only way I can help you and Dad save people. You and Dad do such a wonderful thing. I just want to be able to help. No more credit card scams or hustling. Let me provide for you. Dean, you have taken care of me for so long. Please let me give you something back." The war going on in his mind was evident. She reached out and touched his shoulder and his eyes came back to hers. "Please. Dean. I want to do this."

"Hannah….one day, I'll pay you back."

"Dean. You don't owe me anything. I owe you more than any amount of money that I could ever make." He closed his eyes rubbed a hand over his short hair.

"If you are sure."

"I am very sure."

"You are keeping some for yourself?"

"I am. Dad and Sammy get some too." Dean nodded.

"You have to save some for yourself for when you want a house and don't want to be on the road with me and Dad anymore." He wasn't able to keep the sadness out of his eyes when he said the last. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. She wished that she could tell him that she also had a fund set up for him. She wanted him to be able to open up that classic car shop that he wanted. He had never told her about his dreams, but she just knew. The way he looked at cars and the way he looked at classic auto shops. She just knew. One day she wanted him to be able to have his dreams. Sammy was getting his and she was free to pursue hers at any time, but Dean felt trapped and one day when he didn't, the money would be there and he could set up the shop and actually be happy.

She watched as he sat back in the chair and looked at his watch. He was going to change the subject and she, for the first time, was okay with that.

"You hungry? I think we should go get something to eat." She nodded with a smile. He untangled the headphones from her neck and pulled her out of the chair. "Come on. I haven't eaten since last night and I'm starving. Not all of us are like you. Some of us have to eat." He drug her by the arm. It was the closest that he was going to be able to get to giving her a hug and a thanks. Dean vowed to himself that he would repay her. He didn't care what it took…he would repay his debt.


	12. Movie Night

A month had passed since Sam had left, and their father still wasn't exactly on good terms with his other two children. They were starting to do hunts without their father. Currently, Hannah and Dean were in some backwoods area in Idaho and it wasn't exactly the most interesting town they had ever been in. Actually, this one was filled with people who all seemed to look alike and Dean, of course, had made the comment that inbreeding must still be in fashion. He also suggested that Amish people were more forward thinking than this group of people. Then he suggested that the supernatural types would of course be interested in this place because well, they were weird. He wagged his eyebrows and stuffed a ketchup laden French fry into his mouth. All he was doing was trying to get Hannah to smile because both of them had done very little of that since Sam had left.

Unfortunately, his attempt at humor had been overheard by one of the natives. That had led to Dean trying to educate the weird and angry local, who looked to be a sandwich short of a happy meal, on the finer points of politeness, which had earned a Dean a firm punch on the jaw. The only positive part of the whole thing had been that their dinner had been free because the owner just wanted the two strangers out of his establishment. He didn't want any more trouble from the riff raff.

Currently Dean was sitting on his bed in the run down motel room, sporting a rather large, red and soon to be purple, bruise on his jaw. He was flipping through channels and found one of the Hollywood high budget horror flicks. This one was driven by the premise that ghosts were after this group of girls.

"Well, this should be interesting." He mumbled as he crossed his arms and got comfortable on the bed. Hannah came out of the shower toweling her hair down. She saw his dirty boots on the bed and she gave him a glare and a sigh.

"Geeze Hannah. I know I know. Get my boots off of the place where I sleep." He rolled his eyes for dramatic effect and removed the boots and settled back into watching the movie.

Hannah stood beside his bed, brushing out her wet hair, and watched the movie. She had a look of deep concentration on her face as she watched. Dean would steal a glance at her and find the hand on her hair slowing as she gradually became more and more interested in what was playing out on the screen. It went to commercial and he finally fully looked at his sister. Half of her blonde hair was combed out and hung in soft waves to the middle of her shoulder blades and the other half was a tangled mass hovering around her shoulders.

"You gonna stand there like a dope Hannah, or are you going to make some pop corn and watch this with me." She laughed a little and finished brushing her hair quickly and went to the little microwave that she was sure that at one point in its life had warmed something for an act that required rooms to be rented by the hour, and put the microwave pop corn in for 1:30 seconds. Speaking of renting by the hour, when they had checked in, the old man who was missing most of his teeth, and smelled strongly of alcohol and cigarettes, not to mention body odor, had eyed her with an appraising look and Dean had wrapped a protective arm around his little sister and the dirty old man had asked,

"One or two hours?"

To which Dean had replied, "Pardon?"

"How many hours do you want to rent the room for?"

"I want to rent it for the night."

"Ahhh, you must be treating the little girl. Don't worry I won't call the cops." It had taken a moment for Hannah to realize that the guy thought she was a minor. For God's sake she was 20 years old.

"This is my wife. Trust me she's legal." Dean had said. Later by way of apology, Dean had said that he told that to the dirty old man because he was afraid that if he said she was his sister he would try to pimp her out.

So there was no doubt in her mind that the bed she would sleep on tonight had accommodated company that was less than savory and that probably had some off the wall sexual predilections. She tried to push that from her mind as the microwave dinged. Because if she thought about what exactly could have been put in this microwave, she would never eat again. She took the bag out and headed to Dean's bed. She nudged him a little and he moved without a gripe. As soon as her skin touched blanket he took the bag from her and began to eat.

"You can't hog the pop corn Dean." She said.

"Watch me little sister." Rolling her eyes she plunged her hand inside the bag. The two watched the movie and laughed as if it were a comedy. The big budget ghost looked nothing like most of the ghosts that they had encountered and Dean subsequently destroyed. And what made Hannah laugh so hard that she almost peed was the blonde bimbo, running at full speed in her stiletto heals, on grass, with her hands up, palms spread—her manicured fingernails all still being intact despite all of the fighting she had done earlier, her tight top not exactly restraining her overbearing breasts from bouncing up and down, and her long blonde hair that never looked mussed, and screaming at the top of her lungs, who fell down face first and in the next cut she was laying on her back screaming as a ghost who was wielding a very real knife slicked her pretty little neck open.

"Now that was a waste of a perfectly good blonde." Dean mumbled. She looked over and her brother and he looked just about ready to start drooling all over his shirt. She slapped him in the chest. He tried to look wounded and all that he succeeded in doing was making Hannah laugh. Both turned back and watched the movie with a smile.

The movie ended and both were chomping at the bit reciting lines that they thought were both funny and lame. Dean got himself ready for bed and they both lay down in their respective beds, Dean waiting until Hannah had put her glasses on the bedside table to turn off the lights.

The dark enveloped them and the sound of traffic could be heard. Hannah waited a moment before saying, "I enjoyed that Dean."

"Same time same place next week?"

"Hopefully not the same place, but yes definitely. Good night Dean."

"Night." For the first time since Sam had left, Dean didn't feel so alone.


	13. Dean's Paper

_Author's Note: Set in Season 1_

Sam went to his sister and tapped her on the shoulder; she pulled her headphones off of her ears and looked up at him expectantly. "Hannah, do you have any batteries?" Sam asked as he examined his flashlight.

"Yeah, bottom of my bag." She said and put her headphones back on her ears and continued to type on her computer. Sam looked down at her bag and began to shuffle through her things. When he didn't find the batteries in the large pocket where she kept all of her clothing, he had felt slightly perverted when he had accidentally touched her underwear, he began to rummage through the pockets of her duffel. His hand closed on paper and what felt like batteries and took them both out of the pocket. He separated the two items and found that the paper actually had Dean's handwriting on it and a lot of it. Dean didn't ever write anything longer than three sentences outside of his hunting journal. At first glance, Sam noted that it was dated 1/10/1996. Dean would have been a junior. Sam looked over at Hannah and she had her headphones on bopping to music while she worked. Curiosity got the better of him and he sat on the floor on the other side of the bed facing away from her and began to read.

**Topic: Who is the most important person in your life?**

Before Sam read anymore he decided that it was going to be about their dad. He geared up to be mad. Dean had always idolized their father, and here they were searching for the man. If he loved Dean that much he wouldn't have left him alone. He wouldn't have treated them like soldiers and treated them more like sons. He wouldn't have told Sam to stay gone. He would have told Dean that he was proud of him, something Sam knew Dean craved more than food or girls, and he would have noticed his oldest son more than he did. But that was the man that their father was today. Their father was different then and Sam wanted to hear exactly what a 16 year old Dean thought about their father, so he continued to read.

**I am not like most people, I never have been. I have a family that consists of four people; my dad, me, my little sister and my little brother Sammy. A fire took my mom when I was little, and my baby brother was thrust into my arms and I ran with him out of that burning house. My four year old arms wrapped around the squealing bundle of brother and he stopped crying. He put his utter trust and faith into me. He knew that I would keep him safe. He was six months old and he trusted me that much. When I think about it now it just astounds me. That little six month old boy is now 12. He is starting to hate the world and I fear that one day I will be a part of that world that he hates, but no matter what he thinks of me, he is the single most important person in my life.**

Sam's mouth fell open. He always knew he was important to Dean, but he had figured that Dean had felt that he was more of a job or a responsibility than an actual important person. The last sentence startled him as well. He had done exactly what Dean had feared he would do. He had grown to hate Dean as much as he hated the life. That wasn't exactly true, he decided. He had hated what Dean represented. To Sam's 18 year old mind Dean had represented, compliance, traveling, homelessness, friendlessness, fear, blood and the supernatural. Everything that Sam wanted nothing to do with. That first couple of months at Stanford, he had been mad at Dean for not going after him when his father had made Sam leave, and once he got over his anger he was afraid that Dean was mad at him, despite the many reassurances by Hannah to the contrary, so he had never been able to bring himself to call the man who had raised him and that now weighed heavily on his mind. He forced himself to continue reading, he felt that he owed Dean that much.

**One of the many reasons Sammy is the most important person in my life is because he always understands me. Even though he is four years younger than me, he knows what I'm thinking and he knows how to make me talk about something I don't want to talk about. I'm pretty stubborn and I shut down when I'm hurt and for someone to be able to break through that, well, let's just say that is a rare and special gift. My father hasn't ever been able to get anything out of me that I don't want to reveal, but my little brother, all it takes is one puppy dog look and I'll tell him anything he wants to know. **

Sam realized that it wasn't like that anymore. It took a lot more work than it used to, to get his brother to talk. Dean didn't want to open up to him much anymore. The wall that had surrounded Dean's heart when they were kids had grown and become much taller and stronger. There were very few chinks in his brother's armor anymore. That last paragraph stung worse than the first.

**Another thing about Sammy is that he makes me feel important. He looks up to me. He used to want to do everything I did. If I ran across the street he would follow. He doesn't do that as much as he used too. I shouldn't say it out loud or even in writing, but it hurts me that he doesn't want to be on my tail 24/7. I think he knows that it bothers me so to make up for it he comes to me for homework help. He comes even though I know I'm not the person that he needs to be asking. My little brother is in advanced classes. Sam is the smartest person I know. There is simply no reason in the world why he should be asking me, Dean-dumber-than-a-box-of-rocks-Winchester, for help on homework. However, it does make me feel important and useful in his life. **

"Those four years must have been hell on him." Sam whispered. What he didn't know was that the song Hannah had been listening to had ended and she heard his words. She turned and saw Sam reading notebook paper and realized that he must have found Dean's essay in her bag. She turned in her chair and watched as he read.

**Finally, Sammy is the most important person in my life because he is the only person that I can say for certain loves me. You see, my family and I don't get to hang around in one spot very long and so I don't get a chance to make many friends. That and I seem to annoy most people. But Sammy loves me, he takes my crap and he gives it back to me. He throws his chubby arms around me before bed and tells me he loves me. He treats me like a person and not like a freak. I can't even say for certain that my dad loves me. But I am sure that my little brother does. It makes me sound like a wuss but it is true. **

**So for all of these reasons my little brother Sammy is the most important person in my life. Sammy is a truly special person. I think that one day he will leave us all behind and become something wonderful. I'm scared for that day though. Because when he leaves I won't have anyone else that truly understands me. But that is inevitable because someone as gifted and special as my little brother deserves more than I can ever give him. **

Sam's eyes were misty with tears by the time he finished. He had never read anything more touching in his life. The teacher had given him and 'A' and told him that he was very lucky to have someone like Sam in his life. She also noted that Sam was lucky to have him in his life. Then she wrote that she was proud of Dean.

"That was the year he liked going to school." Hannah said from the bed. Sam jumped.

"You scared me." She gave him a sad smile. "Why didn't anyone ever see this?"

"You had an Advanced Literature paper on the refrigerator and he looked down at his paper form his general English class and figured his 'A' was worth less than yours and threw the paper in the garbage. I saved it. He doesn't know I have it." Sam looked it over again. He shook his head.

"I'm going for a walk." He stood and left as quickly as he could. He couldn't face his sister right now; he didn't know how he could face his brother knowing what he did. He had been so selfish and Dean, as usual, was the one to suffer.


	14. Happy Birthday Dean

**Again, this particular chapter didn't exactly come out as planned, but I like it just the same LOL! I hope all of you who read this story enjoy it. Thank you so much for your reviews!**

Hannah worked diligently in Bobby's kitchen making a meal and a cake for Dean's birthday. It had taken quite a bit of cajoling on her part to make Dean stop and stay at Bobby's for the week. Bobby, at Hannah's prompting, had offered to give the weary hunter a break and he had declined saying that there was no reason to stop fighting evil just because it was his birthday. Dean viewed the day as just another day, no reason to celebrate, it wasn't as if he were anyone special. Hannah had finally told him that if they didn't go to Bobby's she was going to do something not very nice to the Impala and then he would have to go to Bobby's to fix the car. That had made him sigh and turn the car around and head to the salvage yard in South Dakota.

Currently her brother was outside looking at a classic car that Bobby had inherited. Some guy with a lot of money had wrecked the car to the point that it was almost pretzel like and had left it with Bobby. Hannah knew that the project would keep them here for several weeks and she was glad. She needed a break from traveling. She wanted to set up her computer and work for three weeks straight and get money stock piled before they went back out on the road. Hannah had left several messages for their father. He was becoming harder and harder to get a hold of in the last couple of weeks. She honestly worried that John wouldn't make it to the birthday party that she was throwing.

She looked at the lasagna that she had prepared and the cheese was a nice shade of brown. As soon as she pulled it from the oven Dean and Bobby burst into the house talking, loudly, about the car and how they would put it back together.

"You better keep it; I want to be able to drive it from time to time." Dean said as he headed to the sink.

"I don't know, I think it would be a good thing to sell it. If we get it back in mint condition we could make a fortune."

"True." Dean said as he washed his hands.

"How long do you think it will take?" Bobby asked as he exchanged positions with Dean. Dean stood pensive drying his hands.

"I think about a month. You sure you want to put up with us for that long?" Dean asked with a smile.

'The two of you…yes…your father…not a chance in hell." Dean laughed. Garlic wafted towards his nose and he sniffed at it like a dog and followed the scent to his sister.

He stuck his nose over her shoulder and sniffed dramatically. Giggling, she tried to swat him away with an oven mitt and he ruffled her hair.

"You made it didn't you?" She nodded.

"My baby sister has made us a feast Bobby." Dean said with a smile.

"It sure smells like it." Bobby started retrieving plates from the cabinet and putting them on the table. Dean marveled at how he had mentioned once several years ago that he would love to have a sit down meal on his birthday and have something tasty like lasagna and she remembered and here she was making it, from scratch, no less. There was nothing frozen and reheated at this meal and his taste buds were clamoring to get a taste. Hannah encouraged Dean to sit down and she cut into the cheese and Dean was all but salivating. She purposefully took a long time cutting into the dish and Dean was growing impatient.

"Come on girl. Just give me some." She laughed and took his plate and filled it to almost over flowing and added two pieces of garlic bread. She was serving Bobby when Dean started making noises that were better suited to the bedroom than the kitchen table.

"Oh God this is heaven," he said with his eyes rolled back into his head. Bobby and Hannah each let out an uproars laugh.

"So, since you are making me celebrate the day I am assuming that I get cake too?" he asked expectantly. Hannah smiled and nodded.

"Young lady you just don't have anything to say do you?" Bobby asked and shoveled another fork full of lasagna into his mouth. Hannah smiled a little wider, blushed and shook her head.

"She is a woman of few words Bobby. Can't imagine why." Dean smirked.

"Well living with you and your father I can't imagine why she wouldn't want to talk." Hannah cleared her throat.

"So about this car?"

"It is a 1969 Corvette Stingray.." Dean started. Hannah wanted this conversation off of her and about something that would make Dean happy. She didn't want Dean to think about Sam or their father. Sam had sent a gift and she was leery to give it to Dean, because she didn't want the reminder that Sam wasn't here and had no intention of leaving his perfect life even for his brother's birthday. She had engaged in the second fight of her life with Sam over this particular moment. He had plans with Jessica because it was her birthday. He was going with her to see her family for the weekend, and couldn't be bothered to come back to see his brother. She had been so furious that she has screamed at him. She had said things that she shouldn't have and she would have to call him back tonight and apologize.

Hannah took their plates, rinsed them, put them next to the sink and went into the other room. She came back with a small package and an envelope. She sat it down in front of her brother and sat back down in her chair. Dean stopped in mid sentence and looked down at the brightly wrapped package sitting in front of him. He gave his sister a questioning look. She nodded and pushed the gift closer to her brother. Slowly he picked up the box and unwrapped it; it had been a while since he had actually received a gift. Taking the lid off, and pushing back the tissue paper he found a silver ring. Picked up and turning it around in his fingers allowed him a moment to collect his emotions and thoughts before addressing his sister. Finally, he looked at her, love, confusion, amazement and wonder were all in his eyes.

"Hannah…"

"It came from an antique shop that I found in one of the towns that we were in. The owner of the shop said that ring came to her twenty or so years before, and that the legend says that it protects the wearer from evil. I just figured…well…I can't do anything to protect you." She looked slightly embarrassed and stood abruptly and began collecting the smaller plates and forks for cake. She set down the plates next to her brother and he put his hand on her arm to stop her.

"Thank you so much little sister." His voice was thick with emotion. She gave a hesitant smile and sat the cake down in front of him. Bobby looked from one sibling to the other and couldn't for the life of him figure out what had just happened. Silent communication was the only way that this girl seemed to communicate and he realized that he didn't have a key for understanding this language. Bobby watched as Dean slipped the ring onto his finger and accepted a slice of cake from his little sister. He had watched Sam and Dean over the years and the two of them had a way of doing things that were mysterious, but watching Hannah and Dean together was like watching people from another planet. Bobby decided that for the next month he would watch the two in hopes of understanding them, however, he feared that no matter how much time he spent with them, he would never completely and utterly understand. It made Bobby long for someone in his life that understood him as keenly as the Winchester siblings.

Later, while Hannah was cleaning the kitchen, Dean sat down by the fire in Bobby's book laden living room and opened the envelope that had come with the ring.

Dean,

Wow. A quarter of a century. Happy Birthday. Can you tell that I don't know how to start this? Well, I wanted to tell you that I love you with all of my heart and that I hope you have had a fantastic birthday. You deserve so much more from this life, and I hope that this little bit of normalcy was to your liking. I wish I was able to give you something more permanent, I wish I could…well…wishing doesn't get us anywhere in this life. But I want you to know that I think you are the best older brother anyone could have. Thank you for everything that you have done for me. I love you.

Hannah

Dean wiped a tear from his eye and hoped that Bobby wasn't watching him. The older hunter didn't need to see him cry. There was another slip of paper inside the envelope telling him that there was a gift from Sam sitting on his bed. Dean let out a little chuckle, both siblings had thought of him on his birthday, one who hadn't even spoken to him in almost three years, but his father hadn't even called. Life sure was amazing. He heard his sister washing dishes, knew that he had some hard work to do tomorrow and found himself content. It had truly been the best birthday ever.


	15. Thriller

**Thank you guys so much for all of the reviews. **

**There will be another part to this particular chapter, the heavier more melancholy part to this one. But I thought we all needed some laughter, even Sam and Dean. **

**  
This take place immediately after "Born Under a Bad Sign".**

**Please review and let me know what you think!**

The Winchesters got into the Impala after Bobby told them that there might be hunters on their trail. Of course the demon inside Sammy had to kill someone who had friends. She couldn't have killed someone no one would have noticed. But then again, that was probably the point. The demon wanted Sam to feel the pain and to have the guilt of that death hanging over his head for eternity. These stupid demons were good.

Hannah sighed and tried to get into a comfortable position in the back of the Impala. The demon had thrown her across the room and she had landed on a particularly pointy edge of a book. She was pretty sure that she was going to have a bruise in the shape of one of Bobby's books. Her injuries were insubstantial compared to Dean's. She wondered just how much of that Sam actually remembered. She was pretty sure that Dean would feel him out to see just what he remembered and then not tell him what he didn't already know. Dean was pretty good about that. She would definitely have to check Jo's bandaging. She had watched the blonde pull out the bullet and was slightly miffed that she had done such a botch job of it. Dean hadn't been kidding when he called her a butcher. Jo, for some reason, had refused to allow Hannah to help her brother and now he was going to have one hell of a scar. Girls with crushes were weird.

She barely caught the joke that Dean was trying to make. Sammy smiled but the tension didn't exactly ease in the car. And the tension was so thick already that you could taste it, and boy did it leave a bitter taste in one's mouth. She sat back for a moment and tried to uncoil her muscles. Dean was better at being scared for long amounts of time and relaxing when he could. Hannah, on the other hand, didn't get out into the field very often and this particular attack had played havoc with her nerves. When Sam's eyes went black she had really and truly been scared to death. Her baby brother was a monster. Well, it wasn't Sam. She just had to keep reminding herself of that over and over until her heart believed what her head knew to be true. She wondered just how bad Dean was rattled. She was going to have to force him into a dreaded chick flick moment when her body stopped shaking. Thankful for the dark, she tried to sit on her hands so she at least wouldn't be able to watch herself shake.

Dean was trying to think of something, anything, to say that would ease the tension in the car. Sam was next to him brooding and Hannah, was being of no use. This was one of those times that Dean wished his little sister had more to say. He could really use her voice to calm his fried mind. The image of Sam digging his fingers into his shoulder played over and over with each beat of his heart. How was he going to broach this subject? How was he going to- His thoughts were interrupted by the beginnings of laughter coming from the back seat. The beginnings turned into what sounded almost like hysterical laughing. Laughing that indicated the mind had broken and there was no sanity left inside.

Looking into the mirror he saw his sister trying desperately to control her giggles. Sam turned around and looked at her as well. He gave Dean a "how the hell should I know?" look and turned back to their giggling sister, who had tears streaming down her face.

"Hannah you okay?" Dean asked worried. He was starting to look for a spot to pull over and check on her.

"Y-y-yeah," she tried to contain her giggles but failed. "I'm fine."

"What is so funny?" Sam demanded.

"What's wrong with you woman?" Dean asked and pulled the car over onto the side of the road and turned completely around.

Hannah finally was able to control the laughter but not the residual tremors.

"I think Michael Jackson wrote the story to Sam's life." Sam looked at Dean and the look indicated that he was positive that they were going to have to commit their sister.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked a little more impatiently.

"The song, 'Thriller.'" Dean and Sam exchanged looks again.

"Don't look at me Sam. I don't listen to anything that might be considered pop."

"It's been forever since I've heard it so I don't know what she is talking about either." Hannah, still trying to control her fried giggling nerves, ducked down under Sam's seat and found the tape she was looking for, leaned over the bench seat and exchanged Dean's AC/DC tape for hers. She fiddled with the fast forward for a while and then stopped the tape and looked Sam

"I swear this was written just for you." She hit play and the lyrics blared throughout the car:

"They're out to get you

There's demons closing in on every side

They will posses you

Unless you change that number on the dial

Now is the time

For you and I to cuddle close together."

Sam stopped the tape and glared at Hannah, who was once again laughing manically.

"Should I be the one to cuddle with you Sammy?" Dean asked smiling widely, eyes glittering with mirth.

"That wasn't funny." That was when Sam realized that Dean was laughing too.

"Oh God," Sam started. "I leave for Stanford and in three years time you managed to corrupt our sister. She was so sweet before I left." Sam said trying to stay in the funk that he had been in ever since the demon had been expelled. He didn't think he had spent enough time punishing himself for not being able to keep the demon out of his body or for not being able to stop it from murdering the hunter. But he realized that the laughter was contagious and he couldn't hold back the smile that was threatening his lips. He had to admit that the song did hold some truth to it.

"Dude, she's right. I think he did write this song just for you. Rewind the song Hannah, let's listen to it again." Hannah leaned over and rewound the tape. Sam crossed his arms, looked out the window and sighed.

"I'm going to have to listen to this song forever, aren't I?"

"Yup." Dean said and pulled back out onto the road. There it was, the tension had been broken and for a little while, at least, they could laugh about the situation because later, they all knew that they wouldn't be laughing about anything.


	16. Explosive Hannah

Dean knocked on his sister's door, he and Sam were hungry, and when Sam was hungry, that was a good indication that Hannah would probably be hungry as well. Dean had never had a problem eating, Sam and Hannah on the other hand were a little peculiar about how much and when they ate. She opened the door, and didn't look at him. She just opened the door wide and went into the bathroom.

"You hungry?" he asked.

"Yeah." She said. Dean noted that her voice seemed strangled. She had left the bathroom door open and he followed her.

"Hannah?" he questioned.

"Hmm?" She looked up into the mirror and he saw just how red her eyes. They weren't her normal, allergies are killing me red, they were I've been crying for half of the afternoon red. Concern flooded his body.

"What's wrong?" She shook her head.

"Hannah Mary Winchester." He demanded. He touched her shoulder and that was just the right amount of something to break her. She started sobbing again. Dean turned his baby sister around and pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, hey…what is the matter?" he asked more gently.

"You're leaving me."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"246 days, 20 hours, 5 minutes, you are leaving me." The deal.

"Hannah…"

"No! Why didn't you let me make that deal?!" she demanded pounding her little fists into his chest. "Why? You are big stupid jerk!" Her voice rose to a scream and her pounding became more intense. "How dare you leave me?! I've lost so much. I can't loose you too. Why didn't you let me sacrifice myself? Huh? Why did you have to do it? You and Sammy can live without me, but I can't live without you." Dean wrapped his arms around her and he hugged her within an inch of her life. He was trying to figure out what to say. Tears were threatening, and he was pretty sure that they were going to win this time.

"Hannah," he started. He had to clear the emotion and the thickness out of his voice. Her sobs didn't dissipate and he pulled her away from his body and forced her to look at him. "Hannah." She looked up at him and she chocked and sobbed a little longer. Finally, her sobs turned into tremors and gasps. "Hannah." He said for a third time gently, with tears streaming down his face. "I couldn't live without you. I couldn't live without Sam. You guys are my life. You guys are my reason for living." The tears started afresh for both siblings and this time Hannah hugged him so tightly that he thought she would force him to stop breathing, but he didn't stop her.

"I love you so much Dean. I don't want you to die."

"I don't want to die either." It was the first time he had admitted this to anyone other than himself in the dark when Sam was sound asleep. The words sounded alien. They sounded dangerous. Because once they were out and admitted to someone other than himself, it made it feel like a betrayal. A betrayal of his brother, he had made the sacrifice willingly and he would do it again, but saying that he wanted to live made it seem like he regretted his decision. So he added, "But it is the price I'm willing to pay for my family to keep on living."

"But, Hell?" Her voice was soft on the last word and she had a hard time looking him in the eye, but unlike Sam, she was able to force herself to keep eye contact.

"It was the price tag." He said simply.

"You don't belong there."

"I belong there just as much as anyone else who goes." 

"Why is that?! Damn it Dean!" she let go of him. "I told Sam that the reason you did this was because you love him so much, but I know it is because you think so little of yourself!! I know that!! You've let those stupid demons play with your head. By letting them screw with you, you are letting them take your life. Once they have your soul they will make you work for them! Dean! Use your head! They will make you become a demon and they will use you against your own brother and you won't be able to stop it! Dean! God!" She threw her hands up in exasperation and turned away from him. Dean's eyes were wide; Hannah rarely went off the handle like this. As a matter of fact, he had never seen her this angry before. She turned back around and looked him in the eye, and her blue eyes were cold, hurt, sad, it was his turn to want to look away, but like Hannah, he forced himself to see the anger, the hurt and the sadness. He owed her that much. "If you came back to me as a demon, you know I would let it kill me. I couldn't hurt you, no matter how twisted and demonic you become, I could never kill you. You know it. You know Sam couldn't either. He would let the demonic you kill him just as I would. And if we are both dead, then what was your sacrifice worth? Nothing!"

"And what exactly do you think would happen if you went to hell?! Huh? One of the purest souls, how do you think I would be able to handle that? Huh Hannah? I think that the demons would do the same thing with you that they will probably do with me! God Hannah! Sam will kill the thing in me. I know he will. And you just need to stay out of the way!" Hannah made two quick steps and smacked him across his face. Her eyes were blazing with anger and tears.

"You make me so mad Dean!"

"Sister, right now you aren't doing much for me either." She crossed her arms under her breasts and she starred at her brother. Her tears had vanished in her anger. Dean, mirroring her posture also was more angry than sad at this present second, and like Winchesters, they tried to stare each other down.

"What is the answer to this?" Hannah asked.

"I don't see one."

"I'm going to start helping Sam with the deal."

"No you will not."

"Just try and stop me." She said and breezed by him and headed for the car. The resolution in his little sister's voice and eyes had paralyzed him.


	17. They Have to Live

Hannah definitely didn't like this new sleeping arrangement she had been forced to endure since she had turned six and they had rented this new apartment. She was forced, for the first time in her life, to sleep away from her brother's comforting presence. Daddy had told her that she had to sleep in his room, because little girls don't need to sleep with their brothers.

So here she was clutching her blanket close to her chest and trying to ignore the noises outside. The storm had gotten really bad an hour ago and it showed no signs of letting up. Dean had already checked on her a while ago, before the storm had gotten bad, and told her goodnight. Now the tree was scraping against the window and the wind was blowing so hard that it sounded like a ghost was in her room. She had already gotten up once and looked at the windows to make sure they were closed and that the salt lines Dean had put down were firmly intact.

She looked at the door that was still slightly ajar and she decided that she would make a break for it. She hurried out of her bed and over the salt in front of the door and ran into her brother's room. Sam was already in Dean's bed curled up against his front. Dean heard his sister come into the room and looked up.

"Scared?" he asked. She nodded, her little thumb in her mouth. He lifted the blankets. "Come on in." She ran as fast as her little feet would take her and jumped into the bed. Dean rearranged himself so he was lying on his back, Sammy woke up and laid his head on Dean's chest and Hannah lie on his other side; with her face buried into his side. Dean wrapped both arms around his siblings and made sure the blankets were covering their little bodies. The trees whipped and scratched against the windows, and the wind whistled and the rain pounded, but nothing was going to get inside these walls and hurt his siblings, not as long as they were with him.

Dean felt a surge of pride go through his limbs. His siblings came to him for protection. He would do just that. He would protect them no matter the cost to himself. They depended on him and he would never let them down.

Twenty years later, a storm similar to the one so many years ago that had called his siblings to seek his comfort, Dean lay in a double bed alone listening to Sam snore in the bed next to him, and listening for any kind of disturbance that might wake his sister in the other room. They didn't need his protection from storms anymore. They needed him to be there to ward off demons and other creepy crawlies, and he was about to let them down. He would die in less than a month, never to return. He was going to leave the two people who he cared for, more than anything in the world, to fend for themselves. He had to teach them to survive. He had to make sure that he could convince Hannah to find a nice man and marry him. Make babies. He would ask her to name one after him, and tell that little boy that he had an uncle that loved him so much that he was willing to sacrifice his life for his family. He had to get her out of this unscathed.

Sam. Oh God, how was he going to protect Sammy from the storm that would inevitably brew once he was gone? Every demon already wanted Sam dead, and without Dean to protect him, they would surly get him. Maybe he could convince Sam to find a nice girl and settle down. Take the Impala go somewhere and live out the rest of his life, demon and supernatural free, he had to do that before he went. It would be the only way to protect his family. They had to live.


	18. Demon Self Loathing

**This takes place during the end of "Devil's Trap"**

Fighting with everything that she had had yielded absolutely nothing. She was stuck against the wall, watching her brother be verbally abused by the demon that was wearing their father's face. What had scared her most of all, was the fact that the demon had taken her voice from her. The moment the demon had started verbally assaulting Dean, she had tried to scream at the demon, tell him that he was full of shit, and tell Dean that what he was saying was wrong. She needed him as much as he needed her, she wanted to tell him that, but the demon had taken her voice from her and that had scared her more than being thrown against the wall, more than watching her father's eyes turn yellow, more than watching her father stalk towards her brothers and definitely more than the colt being removed from Dean's possession.

Something inside of Hannah knew that the demon was only repeating Dean's fears. Dean was insecure and awkward. On the outside he looked smooth, calm and collected, but on the inside there was a war raging. That war was held at bay most of the time, but there were times when those big green eyes belied the combatants grappling within. Sometimes, that war was exercised on the outside. Dean would go out in a field and yell and scream at nothing. He would just take off running and keep on going until he dropped to the ground and found it hard to breathe. Then he would fall to the grass, when the combatants were in planning mode, and Dean would just lay there and breathe in and out until the moment of weakness passed. When the players had decided to begin a skirmish, he would throw rocks as hard as he could. He had thrown his shoulder out once doing that. One time, he had even cut himself. He had done that when he was much younger. Hannah had found him in the bathroom, cutting himself with his pocket knife. When he found out that he had been caught, he had begged her not to tell their father or Sammy.

He had looked into her eyes and said, "I just need to get rid of the pain." She had hugged him as tightly as she could. That was the first time she had heard her big brother's sobs. She had turned off the light to allow him to maintain his dignity. They had sat on the floor and he clutched her as tightly as he could and just sobbed. It was the first time she had protected her big brother; she did everything in her power to make his life easier after that moment. She never wanted to see another scar on his stomach or side from self mutilation.

The sight of the scar now made her stomach turn. That was the moment she realized that her big brother wasn't invincible. He had flaws, and he hurt. He just didn't let others know them and that made her incredibly sad. Now she knew the signs. She knew when he looked like he needed to blow off steam. Now, she knew how to hold a martial arts pad so he could kick and punch it with all of his might. Sometimes, she even ran with him and challenged him to move faster and farther than she could. That usually did the trick.

She still worried about him hurting himself. It was worse those first few months after that initial incident, she had been the one to check him after a hunt. It wasn't only monster inflicted wounds that she was checking for, and Dean knew that. He allowed it because, she figured somewhere deep inside of him, he liked that someone looked after him. That was when their bond had developed. That was the moment she had become more than just his little sister. She had become a person, a whole adult person in that moment. They had become a team. They protected each other and they protected Sam with the same ferocity.

Now, here she was, unable to move and protect her brother from this horrific verbal abuse, which she could tell by the look in Dean's eyes that he believed whole heartedly. Every single word was a reflection of what he already thought of himself and it was, for him, proof that he was right. Hannah desperately wished that she could call out and destroy the hold that the demon had on Dean. She knew that if she could just speak that she could get through to him and remind him that she was still there, and that she loved him. She looked at Sam who was watching the verbal abuse, who still had a voice that could break this hold on him. Sam did nothing. He just watched and listened. Hannah lost some of her respect for her little brother. She thought he knew Dean, and in that second she realized that he didn't know his big brother as well as he thought he did, because if he did he would tell Dean that nothing that was being said was true. She closed her eyes and struggled against the invisible bonds that held her fast.

Her eyes snapped open when she heard Dean scream. She looked over and watched the blood run from his chest. The demon was making her brother's heart bleed. He was going to kill her big brother. Rage. Fear. Cold blinding fury ran through her body and she threw everything she had into the bonds. She didn't realize that she was silently screaming as she threw everything she had into the bonds. Suddenly barrier was broke, and she fell forward onto her face. She scrambled to get back up, tripped, and ran to her brother who was still being held fast against the wall. His head was slack and blood was running out of his mouth. She tried to put the blood back into his mouth. She put her hand on his chest and tried to hold the invisible wounds closed.

"Dean." She whispered. She was vaguely aware that Sam was talking with the demon. But other than that her whole focus was on Dean, so when the demon's grip released Dean she was on the floor to catch his broken body.

"Hannah?" he whispered.

"I'm here," she whispered hoarsely.

"I didn't." he gulped down the blood. Then he got a look at Sam and saw that he was about to shoot their father, the man that Dean idolized, hated, worshiped—feared.

"No, Sammy," he whispered. Sam came over checked on Dean, and in that second Hannah wanted to slap his hand away and tell him to get the hell away from her brother, but she controlled herself.

Hannah took off her over shirt and tried to wipe the blood from Dean's mouth when she heard the demon being expelled from their father's body. She wrapped her arms around Dean and covered him with as much of her body as she was able. That demon was not getting any closer to her brother. It wouldn't hurt him ever again. She would ensure that.


	19. Hell Hounds

**I hope you guys enjoy this!**

Hannah violently sat up; her breath came in quick short bursts. Her skin was cold and sweat was pouring from her face, and had stained the tee shirt she was wearing. She pulled her knees up to her chest and pushed long strands of hair away from her sticky skin. Fear reached its icy fingers down her spine and induced her to start shivering violently. This was the worst dream yet and she had been having these dreams every night for the last couple of weeks, and she wasn't surprised that she was crying again.

The dreams had begun right after she told Dean that she was going to help Sam get him out of the deal. At first she had panicked and wondered if they were the same kind of dreams that Sam had had when he was connected to the yellow eyed demon, but after subtle probing, she realized that her nightmares were just what they appeared to be, simple, horrible, terrifying dreams.

Each dream was unique and simply petrifying. Tonight's, had been less violent than the others, but it was somehow worse than the ones where blood and torture were the stars of the show. The dream had started out innocently enough. She and Dean were on the bed, TV was on, which led her to assume that she and Dean were watching movies. And typical of movie night since Sam's return, he was sitting on his bed and the popcorn was on the table in between beds. However, there was a tension in the room that was anything but typical of movie night. Usually, it was the most relaxed the three of them ever were. Laughing, eating, smiling and camaraderie were the things that were the staples of movie night. However, there was no laughing in the room.

She remembered her dream self looking over at Sam, and his arms were crossed over his chest and he was giving short worried glances in her direction. When she turned to Dean she found him in a similar position, except that he was staring intently at the screen. He was pale and he was breathing faster than normal. She had spent a lot of time laying on his chest over the years, so she knew the rhythm of his heart and breathing like she knew her own. Also, for whatever reason there seemed to be a clock somewhere ticking loudly. Dean turned to her and said, "I want you right beside me when the hounds come."

"What?"

"I want you and Sam right beside me, talking to me, when the hounds come for me."

"Dean we can save you."

"Hannah, you know as well as I do, that there is no saving me from this deal."

"Dean, my life isn't worth this." Sam said from his bed.

"Your life is more than worth this Sammy." Sam got up off of the bed and went to sit on the other side of Dean.

"How much longer?" Sam asked softly

"I hear them coming," Dean said softly. Hannah could remember the tingle of panic that was in her stomach. "Sammy, tell me about how happy you were at school."

"What?" Sam asked.

"Tell me about school and Jess. I want to hear about happy things before they take me. I want to know that there is something beyond this life for you to return to."

"But."

"Hannah," Dean interrupted Sam's protests. "Go ahead and lay your head on my chest. I'll protect you until the end." He reached over and guided her head to his chest. He leaned over and kissed the top of it. "Go on Sammy. Start talking."

"I met Jess in the library." Sam began. His voice was weak and strained.

"Two geeks." Dean chuckled. The vibration of his voice made Hannah start to weep.

"She sat down in front of me and asked me for the notes that we took on Monday for Chem. I had watched her for weeks. She was so beautiful." As Sam spoke, Hannah began to hear the rumblings of the dogs and there was scratching on the door. Dean leaned over and kissed the top of her head again and pulled her closer to his chest. The love and warmth from Dean's embrace was comforting, just like it always was, but this time it left her more cold than warm. The dogs were going to take him and leave his dead corpse. Sam's voice started to hitch as he told the story of his first date with Jessica. The door burst open and Sam's words stopped, Dean's arm tightened around his sister.

"Keep talking Sammy." Dean said quietly.

"Dean."

"Keep talking Sam!" Dean said louder and with more authority. Sam did as he was told and kept talking even as Dean screamed, his soul being ripped from his perfectly healthy body. Hannah buried herself deeper into his body as if the pressure of her body would keep his soul inside. All it did was allow her to note the exact moment his heart stopped beating. His lungs deflated, and his grip on his sister became non existent. She picked herself up and looked at her brother's face and realized that she shouldn't have. His eyes were wide and open, and he was lifeless. There was nothing that was Dean anymore. Everything that made him Dean was gone, taken to hell by hounds that had no business even touching her brother much less taking him to suffer alone in a world where there was no one to catch him and love him. She looked at Sam over Dean's limp form and he was sobbing too. He reached across Dean's body and took Hannah in his arms and the two cried over their brother.

That was what had woken her up. She was craving Dean. She wanted to be with him and to spend every last second of his life with him. The loss and emptiness she had felt in the dream stuck with her. When she was little she would go to their room and sleep on their floor in between both of her brothers when she was scared. Her breath hitched and she felt the sobs coming on, so she put her socks on, gathered her blanket and pillow and stood outside the room adjoining hers and picked the lock, their father had taught them all basic breaking and entering, and found that Dean was awake and standing next to the door with his knife.

"Hannah! Geeze! You cold have just knocked." He said with exasperation.

"I didn't want to wake you."

"Then?" he asked.

"I had a bad dream, I just needed to be close to you guys." Dean nodded. She put her stuff on the floor in between her brother's beds as Dean got comfortable in his bed again.

"I love you Dean. Please don't ever forget that."

"I could never forget that Hannah."

"You might one day."

"Hannah?"

"Hell may make you a much different person, and I just want you to remember that there is someone here on earth that loves you so much it will kill a little part of her when you die." She said and Dean could hear the tears in her voice.

"I'll remember Hannah."

"Okay. Good." She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "Night."

"Night. I love you." Sniffing and a deep breath was his reply. Dean closed his eyes and prayed to God to help his little sister through this. He buried his face into his own pillow and allowed the silent scared tears to flow. Truth be told, he hadn't slept in the last few weeks either. Hannah tended to scream in her sleep, and he always heard them.


	20. All Fine

**Author's Note: For all of you who keep up with this story, it takes place after BUABS (episode wise) and it takes place after the chapter called "Thriller" in my story. I hope you enjoy!**

After the hilarity of "Thriller" had subsided the trio of Winchesters had settled into their respective seats, not exactly comfortable, but at least the tension wasn't so thick that you needed a knife to be able to breathe. Dean pulled into a motel around dawn. He felt that they had traveled sufficiently far enough away that they wouldn't be detected at least for a little while.

After checking in, the three wearisome travelers went to their respective rooms. Dean didn't say anything to Sam; he just dropped his things and went for the shower. His shoulder was absolutely killing him, and he wanted to be able to get into Hannah's room for her to patch him up properly before going to bed. He assumed that she would be done with her shower by the time he was finished with his. Getting his ripped shirt off was more of a hassle than he anticipated. His shoulder throbbed, and when the demon had made Sam stick his thumb in the bullet wound, it had begun to bleed again. It had hurt like a mother when he had pulled the gauze pad away from the wound, the blood had dried to the pad and he had to bite his tongue to keep from screaming out, people always said that it hurt less if you pulled faster, he had yet to prove that theory.

Once disrobed, he climbed into the lukewarm shower, wishing that they could have stayed at a motel that had a better water heater. He let the water beat against his back, and finally allowed his tired body to tremble. Shock and fear had been coursing through his body for too long; he was finally beginning to feel the effects of that emotional and hormonal rush. Seeing Sam like that, cold, and heartless, was almost more than he could handle. It had been one thing to see his father possessed by a demon, what had astonished him, when he had sat down and thought about it, was that there really wasn't a lot of difference between Demon Dad and Regular Dad. They both treated him like shit, and relished in its effects. However, Sam, his Sammy, never enjoyed hurting anything. It went against his nature. However, when he had pushed his thumb into the wound he had enjoyed it.

"No, no" his mind reminded him. "The demon enjoyed it." But when the demon was wearing his brother's face, it was hard to make a distinction between the two. His mind had to come to grips soon. Because Dean could almost feel the guilt pouring off of Sam even from the next room with the door shut. He had to show that this whole ordeal meant nothing to him, that he is just happy to have his brother back, in his body, all in one piece. It was going to take some major acting, but he figured he would be able to pull it off after a nice long shower and some serious sleep.

He pulled on his flannel pajama pants, long sleeved tee shirt and socks, took a deep breath, steadied himself to face Sam, and went into the main room. Sam looked up from his computer, his hazel eyes looked as if they were ready to cry, and Dean assumed that they would as soon as Dean wasn't in the vicinity.

"Shower is all yours."

"Leave any hot water?"

"I didn't even get any hot water."

"Ahh. It's one of those motels."

"Yup." Sam sighed and grabbed his change of clothes, shower stuff and traded places with his brother. Dean noted that Sam didn't look him in the eye, instead he bowed his head and watched his feet as he entered the bathroom, and softly closed the door. As soon as the water started, Dean went next door to Hannah's room. She let him in, and for the first time in a long while, Dean got a good look at his sister without her thin wire rimmed glasses on. She looked so much like their mother that it almost took his breath away. Her hair fell into the same soft blonde curls that their mother's had and she had the same bright blue eyes. She was clad in one of Sam's old shirts and flannel pants that looked like they had seen better days. He noted that she looked dwarfed in her clothes and looked vulnerable, child like. It was strange for him to see his sister in this state. She was the strong Winchester; she was the one who offered comfort. But today, Dean noted, had rattled her to her very core. Dean closed the door behind him; she went to the night stand and put her glasses back on.

"Everything okay?" he asked. She shrugged and pulled the desk chair next to the bed for him to sit in while she stitched up his arm. He sat down and allowed her to help him out of his shirt, gave him a bottle of strong alcohol and sat down to start cleaning his wound.

"Hannah do you need to talk about it?" He asked as his sister silently threaded a needle. All he received was a shrug. He sighed and turned to face her. "I'm not going to let someone who is upset sew my flesh like a sock." She cringed at the word flesh. For some reason that word bothered her and Dean knew it. He had used it hoping that she would be jarred into speaking. She glared—it didn't work. She made him turn around again and she began the arduous process of stitching up his shoulder. Dean sighed and took a swig of the stiff alcohol.

"She really did butcher this." Hannah said.

"It hurt like a son of a bitch." Hannah nodded.

"I had my glasses off because if Sam came in here I couldn't look him in the eye." She said finally. Dean didn't respond, because he knew that she was enough like him that if he had started talking she would have shut down and changed the subject. "Watching his eyes get swallowed in the black." She held back a shiver for the sake of the sewing. "Sammy wasn't in there." She paused in both her speech and her sewing. "When he hurt you. Dean, I was crying." A tear came down her cheek. "I…I…I can't be around him right now. I can't look him in the face. I don't want him to see the fear in my eyes. I don't want him to know that I'm scared that it really isn't him in there, that it is another demon. I know Bobby checked him with holy water, but what if it's like the demon that had Dad? That demon resisted holy water." Dean grabbed her arm and stopped her litany of fears.

"It is Sammy."

"How can you be sure?"

"I am."

"Why?"

"Because I saw the guilt in his eyes. He can't look me in the face."

"But the demon-"

"Demons are arrogant. They can't do guilt. Even in the hotel room, I felt something was wrong with Sammy. The demon didn't do guilty well." He brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "Do you trust me?" She nodded. "Then you have to trust that I know the real Sammy. It is him." She nodded and took a ragged shaking breath and tried to smile.

"Turn around, let me finish your shoulder. Jo did a crap job." Dean allowed her to finish the job. Her words ran through his mind. What if the demon still held influence over Sam? Could Meg still have some sort of influence? No. No way. Sam was fine. He was fine. Hannah would be fine. H


	21. Expelled

**Author's Note: This is part 1/4. It came out infinitely longer than I anticipated. I hope you guys enjoy!**

"Did you hear about the fight this morning?" Dianna, a girl in Hannah's math class asked the girl beside her.

"I heard there was a fight. What happened?" 

"Well that new kid, you know the oldest Winchester, who thinks he's all bad ass and whatever. Well, he decked some little 8th grader and hit Mrs. Tilly." Hannah's head jerked up. Dean had been expelled from many schools for fighting. Kids would say something about Sam, who was now a little overweight and looked more like a ragamuffin than a real boy, or they would make a comment about how he was a teacher's pet, when really Sam just wanted to show his intelligence. She had spent countless hours trying to teach him humility. This was the first time Dean had ever hit an adult. Hannah swallowed hard and tried to not look like she was paying attention to the girls sitting in front of her.

"He hit Mrs. Tilly?" the other girl asked incredulously.

"Square in the stomach."

"He's expelled."

"Yup. I'm glad of it too. We don't need poor riffraff like the Winchesters in our school." Hannah blinked away her sudden embarrassment and put her nose back into her math homework.

That afternoon, Dean was waiting for her two feet off of school grounds. He stood there with his binder in one hand, pencil behind his ear, and his feet crossed leaning against the fence post.

"You need to go get Sammy." He said when she reached him.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing." She gave him a pleading look. "Nothing." He repeated more adamantly. She sighed and looked down at her feet. She really wished Dean wouldn't bottle things up, but he was going to—again. She sighed heavily again and adjusted her book bag on her shoulders. Dean watched her and felt guilty for not telling her. He wished he didn't cause so much trouble. Why couldn't he just go into a school and learn and be done with it? Why did he always let some punk ruin his time at school? Maybe he should quit and get his GED. Maybe it was just people he wasn't good with.

"I hit a kid." He said after walking a little ways. He decided that he owed his little sister that much. "I hit him so hard that his mouth bled. Stupid little kid deserved it. He picked on Sammy. Called him fat. Called him other names too." Dean said softly. He couldn't look her in the eye. He couldn't stand to see disappointment in her eyes. The two weren't very close, but he certainly respected her opinion. "No one calls Sammy names. No one." Hannah nodded understanding his reasoning. Although she didn't agree with his method of handling the situation, she most certainly approved of standing up for Sammy. "A teacher got in the way and I accidentally socked her in the stomach too." Dean looked up and sighed. "I liked Mrs. Tilly. She treated me right. I didn't mean to hit her. I can't even go back in there and apologize to her. I really wanted to too. She didn't deserve to be hit." That was the closest thing to regret that she had ever heard from her eldest brother. "So, I'm expelled. I guess next year you and I will be in the same grade." He said with a heavy sigh. She didn't have a chance to say anything because Sam was walking towards them. Sam joined the others and said nothing. Sam always had something to share after school. He was the Winchester that absolutely loved to learn, so for him not to say anything was more telling than Dean's expulsion.

The three Winchesters walked back to their less than pristine apartment. Dean went to his and Sam's room and shut the door, and Hannah assumed that he had turned on his walkman and would be holed up in that room for the next several hours. Hannah went to the small kitchen and started to make a snack. When she turned around, she found Sam sitting at the counter with his head down and tracing the cracks and grooves in the wood with his small chubby fingers. She touched his hair and he looked up, hazel eyes filled with tears. She set down the peanut butter crackers, which were Sammy's current favorite snack, in front of him. Sam looked at the snack, he looked up at her and tears overflowed his hazel eyes and he pushed them away.

"No. I'm not hungry."

"But Sammy."

"I'm not hungry!" he yelled and ran to the bathroom and slammed the door. Hannah took a deep breath and rested her head on the counter. One brother mad at himself and brooding and the other so self conscious that he wasn't going to eat, what was she supposed to do? She wasn't an adult. What if Sam quit eating all together? It wasn't like they had the money to put him in a rehab facility for anorexics. She guessed she just wouldn't let it get that far. She would put Dean to work on a way to make sure Sam ate and kept it down.

She picked her head up and looked at the phone. She had to call their father. She had to tell him that Dean was expelled. There was no other choice. Hoping that their father was away from the hotel room and wouldn't be there to take the call, and she could just leave this unpleasant news with the desk clerk, she dialed the number. To her dismay and disappointment, their father picked up.

"Yeah."

"Dad, it's Hannah."

"Sam okay?" Hannah did everything in her power to not sigh out loud. Their father's first response was to ask how Sam was. Not how Dean was, not how she was, but how Sam was. Their father was always so concerned with the youngest Winchester. Their lives revolved around two people, one dead, one very much alive. Revenge and protection of Sam was the mantra that had been pounded into her head since she could remember. Dean was the only one of them that remembered their mother, and remembered life before the monster that took her.

Because of this, she and Dean were on top of Sam all of the time. Between the two of them they knew every step he took, how much he ate, slept, studied, drooled, everything. She actually memorized what he was wearing every single day, just in case she had to fill out a missing person's report. Not that the police would be helpful if something demonic and supernatural took him, but just on the off chance, she knew. Sometimes she worried that they coddled Sam too much and that he would grow up and expect the whole world to be looking out for him. But then again, there were nights where she could feel something was there, waiting and watching, and she was positive that it wasn't waiting for her or Dean—it was waiting for Sam. She always got the feeling that something was watching and waiting for him to grow up. Sometimes she wished Sam would stay 12 forever.

"Sam is fine."

"Then what is the matter?"

"Dean got expelled."

"Damn that boy!"

"Dad."

"I can't leave for a week without that boy getting into trouble. Sometimes…" John Winchester stopped before he said something he would regret, and Hannah was glad. She had heard him say some very not nice things TO Dean and she really didn't want to hear what he would say without the boy in front of him. Hannah didn't have a violent bone in her body, but when her father spoke poorly to Dean she wanted to grab the nearest blunt object and do some target practice with her father's head. Dean was closer to her father than John Winchester.

"Dad, he was defending Sammy. He was following orders." John was silent on the other end and Hannah knew she had said the right combination of words to dispel her father's wrath. "I'm going to call Bobby and see if he can keep us for a while. Dean needs to be in school. He only has two years left. I don't want him to stop, because I'm afraid that he won't finish school."

"He will finish school even if I have to take a belt to him." Hannah shook her head trying to understand the man that was her father. Once again, he seemed a day late and a dollar short. John didn't understand what discouragement did to Dean. No amount of threatening or physical pain would make him do something Dean didn't think there was any point of trying.

"I'll call Bobby."

"Tell Dean we will talk about this when I see him."

"Are you going to see us for Thanksgiving?"

"Hannah."

"I know, there are other people that could loose their lives or people they love, the supernatural doesn't stop for the holidays." She repeated. She knew the words, understood them, but they still bothered her. Yes, there were other people out there that had loved ones that sat around the dinner table and enjoyed a finely prepared meal, but they were a family too. Didn't the four of them deserve a family meal, even if it was a TV dinner? She was proud of herself that she hadn't allowed herself to get her hopes up, but there was still some small part of her that felt empty. They said goodbye and she looked around the empty apartment. For the life of her she couldn't figure out why every male in the family was so head strong and ready to jump. Days like today she wished she had a mother to go to and ask questions. She wanted someone who would tell her it would be all right.

She looked at the phone and found herself hoping beyond hope that Bobby would take them in.


	22. Bobby and Broken Egos

**Author's Note: I apologize for the length of this one, and that it is a hair on the rambly side, but it is the connector between pieces. I hope you enjoy. Part 2/4**

Bobby Singer was sitting in his office going over the books, contemplating hiring an accountant, because at this point he was tired of looking at numbers. His forte was fixing cars, not counting them. He sighed and pushed the invoices away from him and sat back in his chair. He closed his eyes and forced himself to relax. Just as he was about to fall asleep the phone rang and scared the begezzes out of him.

"Hello?"

"Would you like to accept a collect call from Hannah Winchester?" Hannah? She knew his number? It must be real bad if she was calling. Dean was the one to call when it was something mundane, well mundane in the supernatural world.

"Yes, I'll accept the charges."

"Party you may begin."

"Bobby? It's Hannah Winchester, Dean's sister." Bobby almost laughed at her introduction. As if her last name wasn't sufficient to prove who she was, she had to include Dean.

"Hey there sweetie. I know who you belong to. Is everything alright?"

"I was wondering if you could come and pull us out of school, and allow us to stay with you for a little while."

"What happened?"

"Dean got expelled for hitting a kid who made fun of Sammy, and he accidentally got a teacher too. The quarter just ended so, we have all of our grades in, and well, it would be nice to be somewhere for a holiday." She added the last so softly that he barely heard her. Holiday? What holiday? Looking at the calendar he realized that it was almost Thanksgiving. He hadn't really celebrated the day since the last of his family died. When there isn't anyone to celebrate with there really isn't a point in celebrating at all.

The thought of having youngins around the house was strangely comforting. Also, it would be nice to have someone to talk to, other than customers, the occasional hunter and his dogs. He was fairly certain that his dogs were getting bored with his conversations. It would be fun to have Dean around to talk cars and hunting, it would be nice to have Sam around to peruse his books, finding the important stuff and marking it with his little sticky things. Bobby always knew when Sam Winchester had been in his books, there were post it notes everywhere alerting the reader to what would be the most effective way of repelling certain kinds of Supernatural creepy crawlies. And dear sweet Hannah, who hardly ever spoke, but her smiles lit up a room. Dean liked to make her smile so she smiled quite a lot for a girl in her situation. Bobby would be more than happy to keep the Winchester children.

Bobby must have taken too long to respond because Hannah added hastily in her soft wispy voice, "You're the closest to family we have." Bobby was taken aback. He had always thought that his feeling regarding the young hunters were one sided. The words softened his heart to the point that he would have done anything for the girl.

"Of course sweetie. Does your father know?"

"Yeah. I called him. I told him I was calling you. He's on a hunt out east."

"I'll be there in a day or so."

"Thank you."

"You're quite welcome sweetie."

Hannah sighed to herself. They at least had a place to stay, and possibly schools where Sam and Dean would be more accepted. Now all she had to do was tell Dean that she had made arrangements. She hated telling him anything when he was in a mood. He would probably yell at her.

What Hannah didn't know was that Dean had heard every word she had spoken. The phone call to their father he had expected; he expected to have his father's disappointment handed to him on a silver platter, but telling Bobby…that he hadn't expected. That alone made him feel worse than anything his father could say to him. Bobby was more than a man his father hunted with. Bobby had taken care of them a lot when they were little. He had given Dean what he had needed most in his younger years—a family. Bobby had provided stability during a time when he had needed it most. The elder hunter probably thought less of Dean now. It was going to be difficult to face the man when he came to retrieve them and take them back to the salvage yard. Dean suspected that, as punishment, Bobby wouldn't allow him to help out in the repair aspect of the yard. He always enjoyed getting his hands dirty, and having Bobby or his father stand over him and explain how to fix cars.

He picked at a thread on his faded black shirt. He looked like a ragamuffin and he knew it. He hadn't allowed Hannah to buy him any new clothes when she had bought some for her and Sammy. He went with her to the thrift store and made her buy some nice hair bows to go with her new jeans and shirts. Now, not only was he a juvenile delinquent in the eyes of Summit County Schools, looked like a ragamuffin to most of the world, but the two men he looked up to, thought he was a complete and utter looser. Things couldn't get much better if they tried. There was a knock on his door and Hannah tentatively poked her head in. She looked timid and he figured it was because she didn't want to have to tell him what she had done.

"I know. I heard you talking to Bobby and Dad." He slumped down a little further on the bed. She sat down beside him. "I wish you hadn't had to tell them." He sighed. Patting his legs she drew her own up to her chest and waited for him to continue

"I just feel so stupid. I really didn't mean to do that to Miss Tilly. That kid, well, he deserved it. No one calls my brother marshmallow boy and gets away with it. Miss Tilly was kind to me. She treated me with respect. She told me she believed in me. And after I hit her, the look on her face told me that she didn't believe in me anymore. She believed what everyone else did. That Dean Winchester is a bully, a cocky, a no good, stupid son-of-a-bitch." Dean wiped his nose and looked back down at his clothes.

Hannah wished she knew what to say to make it better. But she didn't. She wasn't always good at talking and making people feel better. She was much better at listening. So that is precisely what she did. When she sat with Dean and gave him her undivided attention, he usually opened up and told her what was bothering him. She watched as he picked at his clothes some more and he managed to unravel the hem in his shirt and she sighed. Getting up, she put her hand out for the shirt, he gave her a confused look before realizing what he had done.

"I'm not stripping in front of you." He said incredulously. She sighed, hand on her left hip, right hand extended, and he sighed and finally stripped down to his undershirt. She took the shirt, and retrieved her sewing kit out of her room and sat back down on his bed and began to stitch. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, he asked, "Do you think Bobby will hate me now?" Hannah looked up, eyebrows knit in confusion.

"I mean since I got expelled and now he had to take time away from his business to come and get us?" She shook her head no. "I hope not." Hannah sighed.

"I don't think there is anything you can do Dean that will make him hate you. He really likes you. You made a mistake. It happens." Dean looked up at her and gave her a quizzical look.

"You really think so?" She nodded.

"I know so." Dean felt a smidgen better after that. Hannah sighed and looked towards the door. "You need to talk to Sam."

"Yeah you're right. I heard him refuse his snack." She nodded and her eyes belied her worry. "I'll go talk to him." Dean sighed and slipped off of the bed.

He knocked on the bathroom door and received a "Go away" for his troubles.

"Sammy we need to talk."

"We've done enough talking about this."

"Sammy…"

"They're right Dean. I'm a fat slob." Dean sighed and slid down the door frame and sat on his haunches.

"Sammy. You are not a fat slob. You just haven't hit your growth spurt yet. When you do, who knows, maybe you'll be taller than me."

"I won't be taller than you."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Hannah's shorter than you."

"She's a girl."

"But she's younger. She's supposed to be smaller than you." Dean laughed to himself.

"But who knows Sammy, you could end up being 6'4 or something Amazon like that."

"I don't want to be that tall."

"But you could."

"Yeah."

"Did you hear Hannah on the phone?"

"Yeah."

"When we get to Bobby's, we'll make sure you train more than usual. You know, build up those muscles."

"You mean, make me move around more so I'll loose weight."

"Nah, you need the weight, if you're going to be taller than me you can't be a bean poll." Dean heard a sniff from the other side of the door and the door clicked slowly and opened a fraction.

"You sure I'll get taller?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Well there was that one time where you told me that there was hoodoo spell on my favorite book and that if I opened another book I would grow a tail and my tongue would split in half and I would start hissing like a snake."

"Hey! You had spent a whole three days reading. I was tired of watching you read. It was boring. Plus you were what? Eight? Nine?" Sam crossed his arms over his chubby stomach clad in a horizontal stripped shirt. "Okay. I'll give you that. But when have I ever lied to you about the big stuff?" Sam thought for a long moment. "See. Told you. Now come on. I think Hannah is going to fix something good for supper. And we don't want to hurt her feelings by not eating it." Sam gave a slow grin.

"Okay." Dean stood and ruffled Sam's hair.

"One day you won't be able to reach my head to do that." Sam said irritated. Dean laughed inwardly. There was no way this kid was going to be bigger than his big brother.


	23. Leaving

Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoy this one!! Part 3/4

Bobby arrived at the apartment the young Winchesters called home as the kids were getting ready for school. Hannah was in the bathroom taking a shower and Dean was making sure that Sam had everything in his book bag, was wearing clean clothes, and had everything he needed. When he knocked on the door the noise in the apartment ceased abruptly and Dean's voice, which had lowered since Bobby had last spoken to the young man, asked "Who is it?"

"A demon, come on Dean, who do you think it is?"

"Bobby?"

"Son, let me in." Several clicks later the door opened and Dean stood there, taller than the last time he had seen the lad, and definitely more world weary. He looked up at Bobby with mournful green eyes. He looked afraid, as if Bobby was going to start screaming at him. Bobby was pretty sure that John Winchester had put that particular look into his eyes, and Bobby made a mental note to kick John's ass the next time he saw him. Bobby entered and gave the young man a clap on the shoulder.

"How are you kid?"

"Good I guess." Sam dropped his book bag and ran to Bobby and wrapped his pudgy arms around the oldest hunter.

"Uncle Bobby! You are taking us to your house right?"

"That's right buddy."

"How long can we stay?"

"Sam that's impolite." Hannah said quietly from the hallway. She was dressed and her wet hair lay heavy on her shoulders. Sam blushed and mumbled "sorry Uncle Bobby". Bobby just smiled at the kids.

"Why don't we go out to breakfast and then get you kids out of school? Then we'll head back to my place." All three nodded in agreement. They got into Bobby's car and Sam filled the car with conversation while Dean looked out of the window at the passing scenery and Hannah quietly starred forward. Bobby found himself wondering how the Winchester children could be so different: Sam happy and chatty and eager to be a normal boy, quiet as a church mouse Hannah who functioned more as a mother than a teenage girl, and Dean…Dean, the man child who takes the world on his shoulders and suffers for it.

Bobby only half listened to Sam's chatter as they ate breakfast, he was primarily watching Dean. Dean refused to look him in the eye. Bobby didn't understand this new development in the young hunter. Hannah, too, was watching how her older brother was interacting with the man that Dean had always looked at as another father figure. Hannah sighed and looked over at Sam who had syrup all over his shirt and mouth. She tapped her younger brother on the shoulder, trying politely, to interrupt the never ending stream of verbal diarrhea that seemed to plague the boy anymore. Hannah wasn't sure when Sam went from being the quiet sweet little boy to this larger, more verbal, and definitely more messy Sam. She missed the old one from time to time and found herself hoping that she would survive his teen years.

Sam finally stopped talking and looked at his sister and she pointed to the mess on his shirt. He blushed and smiled wide. Sighing, she indicated that he needed to get up and the two of them went to the bathrooms to get cleaned up. When the two younger Winchester's were out of ear shot, Bobby looked at Dean who, uncharacteristically, was pushing his breakfast around on the plate.

"So, boy, why won't you look me in the eye?" Dean looked up briefly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, here you are silent as a church mouse, which isn't right, and pushing food around on your plate, again not right, and you haven't even looked at me."

"I just figure you would want me to be quiet."

"What?"

"I messed up."

"What does that have to do with you being quiet?" Dean shrugged.

"Boy you can't go all Hannah like. You need to tell me what is going through your head." Dean pursed his lips and tried to keep from saying anything. He didn't want his worst fears confirmed.

"Dean." Bobby said in a warning tone.

"I don't want you to be disappointed in me."

"Why would I be disappointed? You knocked out a kid who deserved it."

"But…Miss Tilly."

"Did you do it on purpose?"

"No."

"Did you apologize?"

"I want to. But they didn't give me a chance."

"Write a note and send it with Hannah."

"Do you think that would work?"

"Can't hurt."

"But you aren't disappointed?"

"No. You were acting in the best interests of Sam. I'm proud of you for sticking up for your little brother."

"I'd give my life for him." Dean said after a pause.

"I know you would." Hannah and Sam, who was still talking about something or other, came back to the table. They both sat back down. Hannah sat across the table from her older brother and looked him in the eye. In that look she knew that he was okay. Or better than he had been before she had left the table. She knew that Bobby and he had had a conversation about the incident at school and it was taken care of. She nodded and Dean gave one curt not and looked over to Sam.

"Squirt, what do you say about getting out of this town and spending some serious time with Bobby?" Sam smiled and then his smile faded around the edges and his eyes filled with worry. Dean smiled and said, "Don't worry buddy, and remember what I said last night about training?" Sam nodded. "We'll start as soon as we get there." Sam nodded again and the smile returned to his face.

Bobby shook his head and looked down at his plate. The silent conversations were eerie. These three people knew each other inside and out and there was no penetrating their walls and becoming a member of their secret club. However, he wished that he could have a one day pass into their private club.

"Let's get out of this town Bobby." Dean said. Bobby paid the bill and found the kids out in his car. Again, Sammy was talking up a storm, and Bobby wondered how exactly the other two kept from pummeling him. They drove to the school listening to Sam chatter away and Bobby was thankful when he could get out of the car and hear something else.

"Hannah?" Dean handed her a sheet of paper. "Please give this to Miss Tilly." She nodded and followed Bobby into the school.

Pulling the kids out of the school was easier than Bobby thought it would be. It seemed as if no school personal would miss the Winchester children. One teacher even mumbled that she was glad the riff raff was leaving. Bobby restrained himself only because the kids were in tow. If the teachers were any indication, Bobby understood why Dean popped one of the kids. Hannah stopped Bobby before they left. She ran to a room on the far end of the building. She looked into the room and Miss Tilly was at her desk sitting all scrunched up in her chair grading papers. She pushed her glasses up on her nose and pushed long curls out of her face and continued to read the paper. Dean had her for English and he said that he respected her for her love of literature and her ability to talk to students and the fact that she treated him like a person and not as a transient bum. Hannah knocked and the woman at the desk jumped. She smiled when she looked at Hannah.

"Hannah Winchester right?" Hannah nodded. "You're brother said you don't talk much. I heard that you guys were leaving." Hannah nodded again. She handed her the letter. "What's this?" she asked as she opened it. The woman began reading and as she read tears sprang to her eyes. She folded it back up, wiped her eyes, sat back down at her desk, wrote something on a sheet of paper and handed it to Hannah.

"Make sure Dean gets this. Tell him that I will miss him in my class. He always made me laugh." Miss Tilly wiped another tear from her eye. Hannah nodded and walked away from the woman and away from the unpleasant experiences that this particular school had facilitated for the Winchester children.

Once in the car, Hannah handed the letter to Dean and settled into the backseat for the all day drive back to South Dakota. Dean read it and she caught a glint of his smile in the side mirror. Bobby turned the key in the ignition.

"We ready to get the hell out of here?"


	24. Picture Perfect

**Author's Note: 4/4. Honestly, I started writing this monstrosity because of the Thanksgiving part. But what snookered me was the fact that the lead up was more important than the actual meal. So, I hope that you like this last part. Next chapter will be a different time period and fit in with maybe an episode or something LOL!. Enjoy!**

Back at Bobby's the kids settled in easily. Hannah took the room that Bobby had converted when she was a little younger. It once had been a storage room, and when the Winchesters had stayed the last time, she was just a little too old to be sleeping with her brothers, and she and Bobby had cleaned out the room and made it hers. The room was right next to Sam and Dean's. Hannah, when she was little, had started to cry silent tears when the suggestion of being farther away from Dean was brought up. Her quiet little tears had broken Bobby's heart as surly as shattering glass.

Bobby had decided that even though the kids settled into his house easily, that they didn't necessarily need to start school right away. The small country school that they would be attending was off the entire week of Thanksgiving, due to the distance any one of them would have to travel to meet up with relatives. Bobby was actually really thankful for that. He enjoyed spending time with the Winchester children. He especially wanted to spend some serious time with Dean. Dean needed the attention more than anyone else in the world. More often than not, Dean was more concerned with his little brother and sister than with himself. Bobby had noted that in her own strange little way, Hannah did what she could to make Dean feel loved and appreciated. But it didn't take a psychologist to see that the attention and affection Dean Winchester needed definitely needed to come from an adult male in his life. And gosh darn it, John Winchester most certainly wasn't doing his job in that respect.

Waking up, the first day of the Winchester's stay, was wonderful. There was just something about the knowledge that there are other breathing bodies in the house. Children especially. Bobby had always wanted children, but when his beautiful wife died at the hands of the poltergeist thirty years ago, he had never had the notion to take another wife. So there was no chance of him ever having any children of his own, but secretly he claimed the Winchester children. These kids weren't exactly his, but if nothing else it was a joy to have them in the house and pretend, if only for a little while, that they were his.

When he managed to get showered, dressed and get down stairs he found that his living room was spotless and that his kitchen was clean as well. Hannah stood in the middle of the kitchen, breakfast dishes on the table, Sam sitting with a mouthful of oatmeal and bacon sitting next to his bowel. Dean looked less awake, but equally happy to be eating his breakfast. Sam chattered away and Dean nodded, Hannah nodding as well. It looked to be a well orchestrated dance. Sam caught sight of Bobby and turned his chatter onto his "uncle."

"Uncle Bobby, Dean and I are going to train today. He promised and Dean never backs out of a promise, he says that honorable men don't not do what they say they are going to do. I think he's right." Bobby sat down at the table next to Dean, and Hannah put a bowel of oatmeal and a plate of bacon in front of him.

"He's right," Bobby said to Sam. He turned to Hannah and said, "Thank you sweetie." She smiled and sat down on Sam's left side.

"Dean is always right…"

"Sammy." Dean admonished. Sam saw the look on his brother's face and stopped his chattering, however, the smile didn't leave his face. Bobby's smile broadened. Hannah cleared her throat. Dean's eyes turned to his sister and Bobby took his cue to pay attention to Hannah.

"I'm going to take the bus to the store. If that is okay with you Bobby." Bobby was always just a little startled by the girl's actual voice. He was so used to her being silent that when she spoke it was a little jarring.

"Sure sweetie. I can take you if you want." She shook her head. And that was it. She said nothing more, she wiped at Sam's mouth, to which he protested, and began cleaning up after her brothers.

After Hannah left, Bobby asked Sam if he could borrow his brother for a couple of hours because there was a car that he wanted Dean's opinion on. Sam grinned and made Dean promise that they would train after he was done. Dean smiled and nodded.

"So why is your sister going to the store?"

"Probably to buy Thanksgiving dinner."

"Why didn't she ask?"

"Proud."

"Damn you Winchesters. Pride will be the death of you." Dean nodded.

"Yeah, probably, but that is just how the cookie crumbles."

"Where did she get the money?"

"She bagged groceries in a little mom and pop place from June until yesterday." Bobby sighed. "About this car?" Dean asked.

The week passed uneventfully, and Thanksgiving was upon them before any realized it. Bobby woke to the smells of turkey and sweets. From the moment of waking to the moment he went to bed he was bombarded with food. Hannah had made everything from a traditional turkey to stuffing to pumpkin pie.

Bobby watched her as she stood a little off to the side and watched her brother's eat. He noted that for the first time she looked truly happy and at peace. She finally settled down to eat and sat in between her brothers; Dean reaching, around her plate to get food, and not apologizing for being in her way, and Sam making a mess around his plate. Bobby watched as Dean talked with his mouthful about hunts that Bobby hadn't been on, and watched as Hannah sighed and forced Sam to eat more slowly. The chaos and mayhem seemed natural to the trio and Bobby relished in being able to partake in it. For the first time in a very long time, he had a family to share a meal with, and the three of them were the best kind of family in the world.

After the meal, Bobby forced Hannah out of the kitchen and told her to go rest. He did the dishes and put away the left overs and when he went back out into the living room to sit with the kids and watch a movie, he found them piled on the floor sleeping. Sam laying on his stomach, with Hannah on his side and Dean piled on the other side of Sam, both elder siblings protecting the youngest. Hannah's arm was slung over Sam, and Dean's legs were slung over Sam's and they all were sleeping soundly. The turkey had done its job well. This particular scene illustrated the three with chilling accuracy. Sammy in the middle protected with a cocoon of love and warmth. Food from his sister in his belly and his big brother's body shielding him from any potential threat. Bobby wished that he had people in his life that loved and cherished him nearly as much as the three of them cherished each other. Bobby went for his camera and captured the moment. This picture perfect moment in the lives of the Winchesters.


	25. In My Time Of Dying part 1

The car crash had been horrific. One second she had been sitting in the backseat with Dean listening to her father and Sam yell at one another, something that never seemed to end, and the next second Dean threw as much of himself as possible over her and then a loud metal on meal shriek and a loud crunch as the connection of metal truck on metal Impala ensued. The next thing she remembered was the helicopter and Sam yelling.

"Are they even alive?!" she heard him scream. Her neck was immobile and she felt the sudden panic escalate throughout her body.

"I'm alive Sammy!" she screamed. Sam felt a flood of relief that Hannah was all right. Maybe she knew if Dean was all right. She had been sitting in the backseat with him when the accident occurred, and if she was okay then Dean surely had to be as well, because she was sitting on the side closest to impact. But then again, Hannah hadn't been bleeding from internal wounds inflicted by a psychopathic homicidal demon hell bent on destroying the Winchesters.

"Dean." He yelled hoping beyond hope that Dean could hear him. Both held their breath for Dean's response. It didn't come. All that could be heard for miles were the loud steadfast voices of the paramedics reading off stats and vitals. Sam became more agitated and started yelling at the paramedics to tell him what was going on. All the response he was able to obtain was to calm down and to lie back down. To Hell with that. He didn't want to lie down and he most certainly didn't feel calm. His brother could be dying or dead. His heart almost stopped at the thought of loosing Dean, and as soon as he thought it, he dismissed the idea; Dean could never die. He was too strong and too stubborn to let something as trivial as death take him. That thought did nothing to reassure him or to calm his frayed nerves

Hannah, being ushered into another care flight helicopter, suddenly wished that she understood the jargon. She was sure that they were reading off the stats for Dean and their father and by God she wanted to know. She looked up into the face of the nice young man who was holding her IV bag. He tried to give her a smile and that smile communicated so many things. Hannah, since she had spent most of her life silent, had had a lot of time to read people's faces and body language. This man's language indicated that he really felt sorry for her and wished that she wouldn't have to live with the aftermath of this "accident".

"My brother?" she asked.

"He's fine."

"Not the one who is yelling. The other man. The one that was next to me. My brother Dean," she said softly.

"Miss. Don't worry about that right now. Keep your energy focused on getting better."

"Just tell me, is he dead?" tears strolled down her pale cheeks.

"He's not dead." The word "Yet" hung in the air like smoke from a cigarette and just as deadly. Hannah closed her eyes and tried to focus on the fact that Dean was still alive. That he was still with them and as long as they could keep it like that the better chance they had of saving him. She clenched her eyes tightly shut and cursed her brother for throwing his broken and battered body over hers. Did he ever stop to think what it would be like for Sam and her if they lost him? Did that knucklehead ever think of things like that? She had started to cry but when the helicopter took off she suddenly started to laugh manically. The paramedics began to look at her vitals trying to determine if it was something physiological that was causing her to laugh at a time like this. While they were checking, her brain couldn't shake the thought of Dean flying. There were very few things that rattled their brother, flying was one and it would be sort of ironic if he died on the helicopter and it had nothing to do with Dean Winchester plummeting hundreds of thousand feet to his death due to some airplane malfunction and all to do with Dean's super safe car that he felt would protect him until the day he died.

The only comfort she could draw from this situation was that if Dean died, his car would be right beside him, because she was fairly certain that there was no way that car would ever run again. As that last thought formed, she realized that consciousness was fading quickly, those stupid paramedics gave her something to knock her out.

When she came to again, she found that she was lying in a bed, a cast on her right arm, and her ribs were taped up. Sam was sitting in the chair next to her.

"Hey, how are you?" he asked softly. He pushed hair gingerly off of her forehead. She smiled and nodded.

"Glasses?"

"They were pretty much destroyed in the crash. I'll see if I can salvage your spare pair when I go to clean out the Impala." She nodded and tried to sit up, but with one wing out of commission she had a hard time and Sam used his long body to help his big sister sit up.

Once the arduous task of sitting up was accomplished she asked, "Dean?" Sam sat on the edge of her bed and sighed.

"They won't let me see him for another hour. They are getting him situated in his room. She nodded. 

"My clothes." He stood and took the clothes that the hospital had given his sister since hers had been cut away so they could access her ribs and arm. He handed them to her and she motioned for him to turn around while she dressed. This was a practice that they had perfected after many years on the road and in cramped quarters together. At the various schools Sam had attended he had heard of boys trying to humiliate their sisters by exposing their under garments or trying to catch them in the shower or something equally humiliating. He had never been able to imagine him or Dean doing something like that to Hannah. As a matter of fact, they had even stood guard when she had used the restroom at shady gas stations their father had insisted upon staying. There was an unwritten rule between the Winchester brothers, Hannah was to be treated with kindness and given as much dignity as living with three men could allow.

"Thank you." She said as she affixed the shirt into place. Sam turned around and she was now clad in a pink hoodie and jeans. She pushed hair out of her face with her left hand and asked, "Dad?"

"Sleeping. He's fine."

"Dean's the only one then?"

"Yeah."

"Demon."

"I think that is the primary reason he is the most injured." She shook her head and swallowed hard.

"No. He threw himself over me to protect me."

"Hannah.." he started to say something comforting when a doctor appeared.

"Miss Winchester, you need to stay put. Your ribs—" she put a hand out to stop him from speaking.

"I want to see my brother Dean."

"We are still settling him into the intensive care unit."

"I don't care. I want to see my brother right now."

"Miss…"

"I don't care what he looks like. I want to see him right this moment."

"Miss…"

"Now! What part of this are you missing sir?" The doctor was taken aback by the dichotomy of the statement. It was disrespectful and respectful all at the same time. The young woman had a fierce look about her and he was actually sort of afraid to cross her.

"You need to be aware young lady that he doesn't look very good at the moment." Hannah held her head up high and nodded.

"Thank you sir." She said and gingerly got off of the bed. "I'm sorry I yelled. It doesn't help my brother to yell and scream at you. You are doing everything in your power to save my big brother." Her voice caught on the last two words and Sam touched her back and steadied her. The doctor smiled and escorted them to the room where Dean was laying.

Hannah's hands shook. Sam guided her to the room, she was nearly blind without her glasses, and she heard and felt Sam's breath hitch when he saw Dean. All Hannah could see were blue and white and the dark of Dean's hair laying on what she presumed to be a pillow. She moved into the room and touched the bed and leaned over to get a good look at her brother.

The tube down his throat hurt her stomach and the tube up his nose made her want throw up. The gash along his forehead was fixable. The cut on his cheek, a minor detail. But her brother's eyes were closed and it looked as if the tube down his throat was the sole reason for his breathing. Sam and the doctor were talking and she couldn't understand anything. Words that she had been able to understand all of her life suddenly held no meaning and her brain refused to comprehend their meaning. Her big brother was lying on the bed, not breathing on his own, and she didn't know what to do for him. She crawled up into the bed before either Sam or the doctor knew what she was doing, and cuddled herself around his body. She wrapped her broken arm around his chest and settled her head against his arm.

"I'll keep you safe Dean." She said softly. "Please wake up." Dean's spirit stood off to the side and felt a stirring in his stomach that if he had been inside his body would have caused him to throw up.

"Hannah." He said.

"I'm listening Dean." She said unaware that his spirit had spoken. "Just tell me what you need me to do to make you better. I'll do it." A sob escaped her throat. "Come back to us Dean. We need you."

The doctor and Sam watched her with heavy hearts and for the first time, Sam realized just how much Hannah had grown to depend on Dean.

Dean's spirit watched his sister cry onto his body and a single tear escaped his bright green eyes. He took a deep breath, fortified himself and said, "I'll be fine Hannah, you just wait and see." With that his spirit took off in search of something that would fix this mess.


	26. Jessica

**Author's Note: I so had no intention of this installment being quite this long. However, finally, after four tries I managed to get this particular part of Sam's life chronicled. I have like 8 pages of tries to this. I hope you guys like it!**

Hannah sat on the floor of the burnt out apartment and sifted through the things in the dresser, trying to find clothes that Sam could take with him. Sam, to his credit, was on the other side of the room trying to salvage books and other materials that he had accumulated during his normal life with Jessica.

The past week had been tumultuous. Sam had sobbed, Sam had been manic, Sam had been depressed, Sam had been strong, Sam had been weak, Sam had been through the gauntlet of emotions and neither Hannah nor Dean knew how to help their little brother.

Hannah had held Sam and stroked his hair while he sobbed so hard that he hyperventilated, and she had bared the brunt of his anger when he screamed about how it was unfair. Dean had taken a tongue lashing or two also. Those she had heard through the thin walls of the motel room. Some of the things Sam had said, probably wounded Dean more than Sam would ever know. He had said something like, "If you hadn't drug me away from her she would still be alive. It is your fault Dean! Why did you have to come back? I was doing just fine without you. You bring bad things with you." Those words had hurt Hannah's feelings and she wasn't even the one they were directed towards. But, like a trooper, Dean took it and didn't say anything about it. He didn't even slug Sam. She was fairly certain that in any other circumstance Dean would have clobbered the snot out of his little brother if he had said things like that. On Sam's side was his grief and the three years that he hadn't spent with Dean. Dean missed his little brother so much that he would let Sam say or do anything to him just as long as Sam was in front of him speaking to him. Dean would never admit just how much he had missed Sam, but it was all too evident to Hannah. From the relaxed posture to the tone of Dean's voice, everything indicated that he was thrilled to have his little brother occupy the same space as he.

There had been two things that she had been able to do for Sam to ease his grief; go to Jessica's funeral and to help him clean out what was left of the apartment the two had shared. Dean had begged off of both endeavors and gone looking for Jessica's murderer and their father. Dean was not someone who handled grief well. He tended to hide from it and focus his energy into finding the reason for his grief and murder it. It was the way Dad had taught him to handle things like this.

So, here Hannah was, looking through her brother's jeans and shirts, trying to find clothes that weren't burnt or destroyed by the fire.

"Thanks." Sam said from the other side of the room. There had been no preamble. Just the sounds of him sifting through things that had once been under the bed.

"For what?"

"For sticking close these last couple of days."

"That's what siblings do."

"But I haven't exactly been a good brother."

"You did what was best for you."

"But you and Dean…"

"Water under the bridge."

"Dean…"

"Will understand."

"I miss her so much Hannah."

"I know you do Sammy."

"She always wanted to meet you."

"Just a phone call away."

"But Dean…"

"He wanted to see you too."

"I was just…"

"Winchester pride. We all have a good dose of it."

"She was so beautiful Hannah. So smart, she knew me and loved me." The tears started afresh again. Hannah knew better than to go over there and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. The last time she had done that, he had taken off for a couple of hours and she had to deal with Dean's panic at not knowing where their little brother was.

"I know she loved you."

"How do you know?" Hannah sighed and decided to tell Sam something she had sworn never to tell anyone. _Please Forgive me Jessica._ She silently prayed.

"About six months ago she called me."

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"Let me finish or I won't even start." Sam stood and came around the bed and sat down in front of his sister. He gave her his earnest and hopeful look. She didn't want him to give her that look, what she had to say wouldn't bring the love of his life back, it wouldn't do anything but make him more sad she was afraid. She put the jeans that she had been examining into her lap and sighed. He eagerly nodded at her to continue. "She called me and asked if she could meet me." Sam's eyes were wide. "I told her that I would love to meet her. Then she said that if it was possible she wanted to meet Dean and Dad too. I told her that Dad was too busy, but that I was fairly sure that Dean would love to meet her as well."

Hannah took a breath, looked at Sam to gauge his reaction and decided it was safe to proceed. "It didn't take much effort to get Dean to agree. He wanted to meet Jessica as well. Plus, I had told him that you were thinking of marrying her."

"But you said you wouldn't be our carrier pigeon anymore." She sighed, rolled her eyes and picked at a string on the jeans.

"I still told Dean stuff and if you will recall, I told you some things that Dean wanted you to know. Dean wanted to meet her and make sure that she was treating you right, and I think he was hoping that you would be part of the deal. Anyway, Dean drove us to California, and she met us at a little restaurant. It was a nice quiet little place. She was so nervous I felt so bad for her. Hell, I was nervous to meet her too. I figured she must have been an angel sent from Heaven and walked on water by the way you talked about her. She shook Dean's hand, he made no pass at her by the way, and she shook mine as well. We sat down and she immediately said, 'Sam. We need to figure this out.' I had no idea what she was talking about. So I asked.

'Sam misses you guys so much but he pretends not to. I don't know what to do.'

'Winchester pride.' Dean and I said at the same time. Jessica laughed a little and the tension in the air lifted a small degree.

I'll never forget the look she gave Dean. It was a look that said she though he would swallow her up and kill her. You told her some real nasty crap about Dean." She said by was of admonishment. Sam's eyes widened more than could be imagined.

"How?"

"She shared. Are you going to keep interrupting?" He shook his head. "Anyway. She looked at Dean for a long moment, and Dean, to his credit, didn't flinch or even try to look away. She seemed to be searching his eyes," Sam nodded.

"After a few moments of this intense stare Dean, of course, broke the silence, 'Have I passed your test?'

'Your brother has made some accusations..'

'I'm sure he has.'

'Any truth to them?'

'Depends on the circumstance.'

'Are you a womanizer?'

'Sometimes. More of a flirt.'

'Raped a woman?'

'Never. If you think that about me, then I think we should leave right now.' Jessica smiled and shook her head.

'Just testing the waters.' Dean relaxed some. 'I don't get the feeling that you are mean. I can tell that you love your sister. Sam says that you aren't someone, civilized people want to be around.'

'His words?'

'Yes.'

'By his standard of civilized people, probably not. I'm all blue collar and grit.'

'Ever hit a girl?'

'Only Hannah with a ball when I was teaching her how to catch a baseball. Her hand eye coordination isn't the best. It is something I still feel bad for.'

'Ever murdered anyone?'

'Define anyone?'

'People.'

'What has Sam told you about our lives?'

'Not much.'

'Does he always look behind his shoulder like there is something there right out of eye shot?'

'Yeah. And when he does he always looks tense as if he is ready for a fight.'

'He is.'

'There is more to it.'

'There is.'

'You don't want to tell me about it.'

'No. Sammy should tell you.'

'But he isn't.'

'More than likely not.'

'I know he wants to marry me.'

'I know that too.'

'I have a feeling that I should know more than he is telling me.'

'I agree.'

'Are you going to tell me?'

'Not if it will risk Sammy's happiness.'

'If I swear that it won't?'

'Then you are a stronger woman than I was going to give your credit for.'

'I want to know.'

'Honestly, I don't want to tell you.'

'You are the only one who will.'

'More than likely.'

'What do I have to do to get this information out of you?'

'Promise me that you will never leave Sam.'

'If he leaves me?'

'He won't.'

'I swear that I won't leave him.' Dean looked into Jess's eyes for a while and then sighed and leaned forward, Jessica mirrored his posture. I was really and truly amazed that she had that much grit to her.

Looking dead into Jess's eyes he said, 'The dark. The things that you fear in the dark. Everything is real. There are shape shifters that walk among us. Hell, I fought a poltergeist the other day. Ghosts, anything out of a horror tale, it is based in some form of truth. One of those nasty things took our mom. Sammy was just a baby, and Hannah here was only two. I took the two of them and ran like hell. I have protected and raised my siblings ever since. Dad and I taught Sam how to fight. He can kill a man with one stroke of a blade. Sammy is stronger than you think, both physically and mentally. He has fought and killed spirits, ghosts, shape shifters and the like. Hannah here has sewn the two of us up more than a ten year old pair of jeans. Sam was tired of the life. Tired of the fighting and killing and the transient life we lead. He wanted normal. He wanted what he has right this moment.' Jess's eyes never wavered from Dean's and she seemed to be processing the information.

'How do I know you aren't some drunk who is making up stories?'

'You only have my word and your gut instinct.'

'Is there any way that you can prove it to me?'

'There is, but I am not going to introduce you into the life that I lead. I refuse to get you into the mess that Sammy and I were destine to be apart of.' Jessica looked at me and studied me for a moment.

'What about you?'

'I am not strong enough to fight the things that they fight. I worry about the family money and taking care of the bleeding. I do what I can. I've been doing some research for Dean and Dad. That used to be Sam's specialty. Dean saves lives.'

'Hannah..'

'No, she deserves to know what kind of man you really are. Sam has painted a picture of you that makes you look like….like someone you are not Dean. People need to know that my big brother is special.'

'Hannah..' I ignored Dean.

'Dean saves innocent lives against the supernatural. I have kept a journal of all of the people that Dad, Dean, and Sam have saved. Jessica, Sam is a wonderful man and he deserves to be loved by someone like you. Dean, well, Sam told you things because he was angry. Once the anger passed, he couldn't go back on what he said. Dean isn't perfect, but he would do anything in the world for me. He takes care of people who he doesn't even know at the expense of his body. Cracked ribs, concussions, bruises, stitches, his body looks like a road map. Scars crisscrossing every which way. Jessica please don't think poorly of my brothers. They are the best men in the world.' Jessica nodded at us and that seemed to be sufficient for her. Dean nodded back and that was that. That was the big reveal. She took it much better than I would have thought. After that we ordered lunch and we got to know each other. She really was a wonderful girl." Hannah finished her speech and finally looked up into Sam's hazel eyes. Tears were streaming down his face, he sniffed, and he rubbed his eyes and looked at his sister.

"She knew."

"Yes."

"She never let on."

"We all swore to secrecy. I feel horrible for breaking my word now."

"So the way she looked at Dean the other day?"

"An act."

"Dean?"

"An act for you." She watched the emotions play over Sam's face.

"So she knew me, all of me and she still loved me?"

"I think if it was possible she loved you more than she had when she met us." Sam sat there in the middle of his ruined life and contemplated the words his sister had uttered. Jessica had known everything and still she loved him. He closed his eyes and suddenly wished that he had taken her with them to find their dad. It was definitely his fault she died, she knew and he did nothing to protect her.


	27. Beer

**Author's Note: This chapter SO did not go according to plan. It sort of told ME how it was going to go and well, I let it. I hope you do and if you don't…well… blame Sam and Dean. ******

Another hunt successfully completed, with far fewer bumps, abrasions, and bruises than anticipated. Dean was in a much better place. He had finally come to some sort of grips with the fact that their father died in order for him to live. There were many late night discussions with Sam and Hannah that had made Dean come to some sort of peace with the whole thing. Granted the late night sessions had been difficult to arrange and it had involved hiding keys in Hanna's bra, because that is apparently the only place Dean won't stick his hand.

In honor of a job well done and to the safety of the family, they decided to all go out for a drink. Hannah usually didn't accompany her brother's to bars. She always felt out of place. But tonight, she would make an exception. She thought that they all needed to get out together and do some family bonding that didn't require her to have the car keys down her shirt.

"Hannah, hurry up!" Dean yelled from outside her room. She smiled to herself as she patted her skirt down and checked her hair one last time.

"I'm comin' I'm comin'" she mumbled to herself. There were times that instead of praying for her brother's safety, she prayed that God would bestow upon Dean a glint of patience. That boy had never been overly patient and the older he got, the worse he got. She feared that one of these day, far into the future, that Dean would be that old man sitting outside of a barber shop screaming at young "whipper snappers" to make something out of their lives instead of just standing on the street lollygagging around. She opened the door just as Dean was about to rap on the door again. His frustrated look was replaced by one of awe and amazement.

"Hannah? Date that I didn't know about?" she laughed blushed.

"Just with two of the most handsome young men in the whole world." Dean extended his arm feeling suddenly gentlemanly.

"Really? Would I know these handsome young devils?" She shrugged as he opened the car door for her and she stepped in. Taking his rightful place at the steering wheel he waited for her response.

"Nah. You probably don't. They are way out of your league." Sam's mouth had dropped at the sight of his big sister.

"You look very pretty tonight Hannah." She smiled and nodded. She wasn't used to all of this attention.

"She looks just like mom." Dean said softly as he pulled the car into gear. That compliment meant more to Hannah than any amount of praise. Their mother had been radiant and beautiful. Their father, when he was in a generous mood, would speak on how their mother had caught his eye and turned him into an incoherent pile of goo.

The ride to the bar was a short one. Once there they found a table in the back and they ordered a round of beers. The three raised their bottles and Dean said, "To Dad." The three siblings nodded and clicked the bottles together.

"You know, it is amazing we managed to grow up at all." Hannah said by way of subject change. 

"What does that mean?" Sam asked.

"I mean, with dad gone most of the time. We were raised by Dean. Look at him." Hannah and Sam pointedly looked at their older brother. Dean's green eyes widened and he put down his beer.

"What?" He asked incredulously.

"We were raised by him." Hannah said and pursed her lips together. "By Mr. Mullet Rock. It's amazing that the two of us weren't taught how to speak from only AC/DC songs."

"Sammy's just lucky that I taught him to talk at all. Sometimes I wonder if that was the biggest mistake of my life." Dean kidded.

"Hey." Sam retaliated.

Dean smiled "I did a damn fine job of raising you two."

"I seem to remember an incident including me and Nair." Sam said.

"I had to keep things interesting Sammy." Dean smiled as he took a swig of beer.

"Interesting? I was nine and bald!"

"Well, how else was I supposed to get you to get your hair cut?"

"You take me somewhere and have it done."

"With what money? I was 13."

"You could have done it yourself."

"He tried." Hannah said with a giggle. "Trust me, the Nair was the only solution." Sam's eyes widened.

"What?! You mean to tell me that you knew about the Nair?"

"Dad bought it for me for my 11th birthday."

"Oh my God." Sam said amazed at this latest revelation.

Hannah shrugged. "It was the best we could come up with."

"We didn't have to worry about getting your hair cut for almost a year." Dean added with a shrug.

"It's amazing I survived."

"No, it's amazing that you were a functioning child." Hannah said.

"God do you remember how hard it was to potty train him?" Dean asked.

Hannah put her bottle down and slumped into her chair and laughed. "I don't remember much from when he was that little but I do remember that."

"What?" Sam asked trying to get his siblings to relate the stories from childhood that he had never been privy too before.

"We sat with you for days. You simply refused. Said that a ghost was in the potty."

"Yeah. And you threw rock salt in it." Hannah said to Dean. "Like throwing rock salt into a toilet was going to keep the toilet ghosts out."

"Hey. I was too young to know that you needed to salt and burn the bones to get rid of ghosts. Dad just said salt took care of it."

"You threw rock salt into the toilet?" Sam asked.

"You said there was a ghost. What did I know? I was 7? I was just following Dad's directions." Dean took another drink. "It was a good thing Hannah had a cookie that day though."

"Why?" Sam asked.

"I was tired of sitting in the bathroom with you," Hannah said taking over the story. "I think we took turns. Pastor Jim gave me a cookie for helping him clean up the chapel. Anyway, I went to find Dean because it was my watch with you and he sat me down in the bathroom for like the millionth time."

"I couldn't help that Sasquach here wouldn't use the toilet." Dean said in his defense.

"Anyway, I sat with you and sat with you and you just simply refused. Finally, I took the cookie out of my pocket and I said 'Sammy use the potty and I'll give you my cookie. And thank God you did. It only cost a cookie."

"You potty trained me with cookies? Like a dog?"

"I was 5 what do you want?"

"I was three when I was potty trained?" Sam asked amazed.

"Yeah. We had been left with Pastor Jim for a couple of weeks and between the two of us we could finally pin you down and get you trained."

"Why didn't Pastor Jim train me?"

"I wouldn't let him." Dean said as he took a long draught of his beer.

"Why not?"

"Who knows. I probably should have. I don't understand why all of the adults in our lives listened to me. I was just a little squirt."

"You were a forceful little squirt. I think that they were afraid of you," Hannah said.

"Why would any adult be afraid of me?"

"Don't you remember threatening Pastor Jim?" Dean looked offended.

"No. Why would I do that?" 

"You had finally gotten Sammy to sleep. It was during his phase where he NEVER stopped asking questions. Oh God. That was the longest phase, next to the phase where he never shut up."

"Thank God that ended after a year. I was beginning to wonder if he had been possessed." Dean said shaking his head.

"Me too. Actually, if memory serves we actually had the conversation, and we were at Bobby's then and we spiked his cereal with holy water and hoped that he would smoke or something. We so hoped that you were possessed because then we could at least exorcise the obnoxious demon. Then you would shut up." Sam's mouth hung open.

"I know I liked to talk but I wasn't that annoying." Sam tried to defend.

"No? Dean, do you know what happened at school today? Well little Jimmy asked Mrs. Anders if we could play with the dominions and then Suzie asked if we could go outside for math class, then during math class..oh but no English class was different…Dean do we have any cookies?" Dean mimicked. Hannah took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes laughing.

"Oh God that was perfect Dean." She laughed so hared she almost cried.

"I was not like that!"

"Yes you were." Both siblings said in unison. They spent the better part of three beers and three hours recounting the funny parts of their youth. They were surprised that there were so many things that were actually funny in their lives. Dean realized as he listened to his siblings reminisce that he hadn't done such a bad job raising them. Hannah was smart and well adjusted, well as well adjusted as she could be under the circumstances, and Sammy, well he was smart enough to get a full ride to Stanford, it didn't hurt either that he had a kind heart and a gentle soul. Dean sat back in his chair listening, chest swelling up with pride.


	28. Miss Tilly

**Author's Note: I hope everyone enjoys this particular chapter! Please review!**

His time was nearing and Dean could feel it in his bones. With every moment his joints seemed to whisper the hours, minutes and second that were left in them. He and Sammy had just finished a hunt and they were hanging around in the area because Hannah needed to stay stationary for a few days to get one of her websites finished for a client.

Being cooped up in a hotel room was never something that Dean relished. Now, with Sam being mostly consumed by looking for ways to get him out of the deal, which Dean hoped he would find, he really didn't want to die, however saying that out loud seemed to say that he really didn't want Sam living either, so he kept his mouth shut, and occasionally looked over Sam's shoulder to check his brother's progress. The strange aspect of the whole thing was that he never directly asked Sam how the search was going. He just assumed that it was going and then asked Hannah. Hannah usually frowned at him, lately she had taken to mumbling something that Dean didn't understand, and shook her head. In all honesty, Dean had absolutely no clue what was going on with those two and he decided that it was probably best if he didn't know.

Today, however, he couldn't take the constant clicking of Sam's fingers against the keyboard or the nervous phone calls that Sam would make and take, and he most certainly couldn't handle listening to the emotion in his brother's voice as he pulled in favors with other hunters in regards to saving his brother's life. So, he left and took the Impala out for a drive. The day was a beautiful crisp winter day. The three of them had lived in this town before. He had clobbered a kid on the school grounds for calling Sammy fat and he had accidentally clobbered his favorite teacher here too. He sighed to himself when he recalled the last bit. He still had the note that Miss Tilly had given him. There was actually no need for him to read it anymore, he had memorized it.

Dean,

I understand why you did what you did. I have a sister that I would protect with my life too. I'm not mad at you. You have taught me so much about what it means to be a teacher. You have made me laugh, and that is something that I have desperately needed this year. You are a wonderful young man, and I believe that you can do great things. I will believe in you for the rest of your life. I am proud of you for sticking up for your little brother no matter the consequence. That takes a special man, yes I said man and not kid, because Dean Winchester you are a man in every sense of the word. It has been an honor to teach you and a privilege to know you. Good luck, and always know there is at least one person in this world that is rooting for you.

A L Tilly

That note had sustained him through many bouts with low self-esteem. It had been folded and refolded, read and reread so many times that it looked like it had been through a war. But those words, that I believe in you, and I'm proud of you, had gotten him through his brother leaving him, his father leaving him, and even his sister siding with Sam to find a way to break the deal. He hated to admit just how badly that had hurt him. Hannah was always on his side, understood why he did the things she did, but she had sided with Sammy and was doing everything that she knew how, in order to break this deal. He had accused her, a couple of weeks ago, of not caring if Sam lived or died. Because if she cared at all about Sam she wouldn't be looking for a way out of this deal. She had slapped him. Actually slapped him. And that little thing could pack a punch. She had tears in her eyes when she smacked him and she had said nothing, which in itself wasn't unusual, but the look in her eyes…that look in her eyes said volumes. He had actually had to apologize for that one.

He shook his head. That was another story for another time. He sighed as he came to a stop at a red light. His eyes focused again on the road and he realized that he was less than two blocks away from the high school. In a rush he decided that he would go in and see if Miss Tilly still worked there. He had always wanted to thank her, and now seemed like the best time, and perhaps the only time he had left.

Finding the office wasn't a problem, he had spent a lot of time there when he had gone to school here. A younger woman was at the secretary's desk and she smiled at the handsome young man in front of her.

"Can I help you?"

"I was wondering if Miss A L Tilly still worked here?"

"We don't have any teachers with that name that work here." Dean nodded. It had been 11 years. Why would she still be here? There had to be better schools out there with better pay. He smiled and patted the desk.

"Thank you."

He turned and opened the office door when an older woman spoke up. "Tilly?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"She's still here. She just got married a while back. Her name is Yost now."

"What room?"

"326."

"Thank you."

"No problem." Dean hurried down the long hallway, took three turns, got lost, and finally found the room. He stuck his head in and found her. She was older yes, there was a little silver in her hair, but it was the same woman. She looked up when she sensed his presence and her face fell awestruck with recognition, she stood and crossed the room.

"Dean Winchester!" she said with a large smile and reached up for a hug. He accepted the hug and hugged her back, she still smelled vaguely of honeysuckle. Her room had always smelled so warm and inviting, and once, Hannah had smelled of the same perfume and she had indicated that the smell was honeysuckle. Dean had bought his sister a bottle of it every year since. She pulled out of the hug and Dean felt slightly empty at the loss of her.

"My goodness! You grew up handsome." He blushed.

"Thank you, Mrs. Yost."

"Call me Amy. We are both adults," she said waving away the formality. "Please sit!" she said and indicated a student chair. He took a seat and she turned a char around and faced him. "What brings you back? What are you doing with yourself? How is your brother?"

"I was in the neighborhood. My brother had a full ride to Stanford Law." He said with pride. She smiled and patted his shoulder.

"He was only able to do that because he had such a wonderful big brother." Dean blushed again.

"Nah, Sammy is just smart."

"You sell yourself short. What are you doing with yourself? And I don't believe that you were just in the neighborhood."

"I'm on a road trip with my brother and sister." He debated just how much he wanted to tell her. "You see…you see…" he had a hard time finding the words. "Doctors say, they say, that I only have something like 4 months left to live, and so my siblings and I are going round the country seeing things that are there to see and just spending time with one another. We were passing through the state and I wanted to see you before I…" he stopped, swallowed, cleared his throat and continued. "I wanted to thank you for never being mad at me for what I did. I also wanted to thank you for believing in me when most people didn't. Your note meant the world to me. I still have it." He said and pulled out his wallet and showed it to her.

She looked down at it and then back into the man's green eyes. Her eyes were filled with tears. She licked her lips and tried to come up with the words. "I heard what those kids had said about your brother. I also, remembered what you had said about your brother in class. I shouldn't have gotten in the middle. I just wanted you to stop before you got expelled." She gave a bitter laugh. "But I managed to get you expelled anyway. You have always held a special place in my heart Dean. You taught me to not judge a book by its cover. Good people come in all sorts of packages and they all have baggage that no one will ever know. You taught me how to teach Dean. You taught me how to be someone that inspires and not someone who gives paper after paper and can't figure out for the life of her why no one learns anything or why their students run for the door the moment the bell rings." She stopped talking and stood up and went to her desk and pulled out a little journal that looked like it had been through a firefight.

"I kept your letter too. I pull it out whenever I think that I don't need to be a teacher and that I can't or haven't made a difference. Dean, you impacted my life, you changed me, and I have waited 11 years to tell you that. Thank you." She said and let the tears free flow. "Four months?" she asked softly. He nodded. "Nothing they can do?" He shook his head trying to keep his composure. She took his hands and allowed him to see the sorrow in her face. She sniffed, licked her own dry lips and said, "Please have your siblings contact me when it happens. I want to be there." Dean was struck dumb. He had never considered anyone other than Hannah, Bobby and Sammy would be at his funeral.

"Thank you. I will do that." He stood. She stood with him and he opened his arms for another hug. She hugged him tighter than she had when he came into the room. "Thank you Miss Tilly, for everything."

"Thank you Dean Winchester, for everything." She looked up at the man he had become and she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Good bye."

"Good bye." Dean pressed his emotions back into that neat little box in the back of his heart and nodded, passed another teacher and left the building.

"Are you okay Amy?" the other teacher, the teacher that had always said that Dean was nothing more than a juvenile delinquent, asked her colleague.

"No. One of my most promising students is going to die."

Dean slammed the door of the Impala closed. He ran his hands over the steering wheel and forced himself to focus on the road. Driving hard and fast would make this go away, he couldn't feel this way, he couldn't. All that it would accomplish would be allowing him to do something stupid that would cost Sam his life and that was unacceptable. Putting the car in drive he drove as fast as he could away from the school and away from his feelings.


	29. Ribbons

Dean had paid very close attention last year to the girls in his grade. He had watched as their mothers finished putting ribbons into their long hair as they got out of the car, watched as they smoothed the backs of their skirts down, watched as they made sure that their little girls had everything they needed to start their day, and he watched as moms and dads walked the little girls to their classrooms on the first day of school. He had watched all of it very intently, taking mental notes, because he had to be ready to get Hannah ready for her first day of school ever. It was a big day, and she didn't have a mommy to do her hair in ribbons and she didn't have anyone other than him to walk her to her first class and make sure that she got there okay.

They had managed to get to Pastor Jim's, because their dad still had a lot to learn about the supernatural, and in addition to giving him lessons, Pastor Jim could provide a stable home for the three young Winchesters. At least that was what John Winchester had said to a seven year old Dean. Dean didn't much care why they were here as long as they were together.

He watched his little sister sit out in the fall sun watching the birds and he watched as her ragamuffin hair flew in the breeze. He sighed. Her hair was waist length and more often than not was full of knots and snaggles. It was going to be a difficult thing to get that hair under control, and to make her look like the other girls that were going to be going into Kindergarten this year. Dean wanted her to fit in, he didn't want her to be like him and not fit in anywhere he went. He was the only seven year old that he had ever met that knew how to change a diaper and cook dinner for three. He had shared that information at his last school and kids thought he was weird and the teachers suspected child neglect. Their father had high tailed it out of there as fast as possible after that one. He wanted more for his siblings. He wanted Hannah to go to school and to be accepted by all of the little bratty kids that were there. He didn't want her to feel like an idiot like he more often than not did.

He crossed the big yard that the Pastor had and sat next to his sister. She said nothing, like always, and he took that as a sign that she was okay with his presence. Hannah hadn't spoken much since the fire. He had a dim recollection that when their mother was alive, and Hannah still learning speech, that she hadn't shut up, that she was a virtual chatter box. He vaguely remembered his mother laughing and telling her that when Sammy was born that she couldn't talk so loudly, that she would wake the baby and that he would cry and that she didn't want her baby brother to feel bad. That had kept Hannah whispering to her mother, and big brother, for the hour or two that little Sammy would nap.

Now, since the fire, Hannah barely said three words strung together. Every once in a while she would say something, but it was barely more than what was needed. He believed that the last words she spoke were "Can we please go to the potty?" Dean had been trying to teach her politeness and he had been pleased at her learning. Their father had huffed and pulled into the nearest gas station, and Dean waited outside the bathroom door for his sister to be done.

He watched his sister for a moment, she seemed so little. Sammy seemed, at three, somehow older than their sister.

"So we start school tomorrow." Hanna's blue eyes turned to his green. She nodded. "We need to pick out your out fit. Do you want to wear the dress Pastor Jim gave you for your birthday?" he asked picking up a stick. She nodded. "Okay. I found some ribbon and I thought we could put that in your hair." She nodded again. Dean began to strip the bark from the stick that he had found. "We are going to have to wash your hair tonight." Dean paused. "Now, school is a good place. They are nice to people. Just remember what I taught you about saying please and thank you. You have to talk to the teachers Hannah. They won't understand you any other way. You have to be a big girl for me." he said. She nodded. "I'll walk you to your classroom, so you don't have to worry." Dean realized that he was saying all of this more to himself than to his little sister. He needed her to know that he was there and that everything would be all right because no one had done that for him on his first day of school. He knew that his dad was busy and had to take care of Sammy, but he would have liked to be walked to class on his first day of school. "I'll be right down the hall if you need me. If you need anything, you run to room 201. You come get me. I'll protect you." Hannah gave a brief smile, before Sam came running out of the house on his short little legs.

"Dean…Nanna." Sam still couldn't pronounce the 'H' in Hannah's name; she smiled at her younger brother. "Come pway!" he said as he ran straight for them and giggled.

Dean had asked Pastor Jim to wake him up early for school, and once awake, he hurried to get himself ready for school and then woke his little sister up. He helped her put on her dress, tights, and her black shoes that a woman from the church had donated. Then he set to the task of brushing out her long hair and styling two pig tails. It took him several tries, and a lot of tears from Hannah, because Dean was none too gentle, before he got them where they should be. He tied the blue ribbons to each tail and surveyed his handiwork. It didn't look as good as Suzie Bloom's mother did, but he supposed it was better than her hair in a tangled mess all around her head.

They ate their breakfast and then headed to school, as soon as they were outside Dean made Hannah take his hand, no one was going to get close enough to hurt his little sister. He walked her to school, walked her to her classroom, and went to her teacher and said, "This is Hannah Winchester. She doesn't talk much. You better be nice to her." He said in his most adult voice. The teacher smiled and she knelt down in front of Dean.

"Are you her big brother?"

"Yes."

"She's lucky to have someone to look out for her."

"It's my job." The nice lady smiled and looked at the little girl with the lopsided pigtails and the uneven ribbons. She suspected that this little boy did more than his share of raising this little girl. She found herself impressed; the girl was clean, obviously loved…if only every child could have that.

"I promise to take good care of her. What class room will you be in? Just in case she needs you."

"Are you making fun of me ma'am?" he asked, green eyes suspicious.

"No sir. I would never make fun of a little girl's protector."

"201." Dean said after a moments consideration. "If she even looks like she might cry, you better come and get me. If she gets hurt, I will blame you." He said. The teacher realized that even though this little guy was little, that he meant those words. They weren't a threat, they were just a statement. He would blame her, and for some reason she didn't want that. Something about this little boy impressed her.

Dean turned from the teacher and towards his little sister. "Now you be good. I'll see you after school." He said.

She reached out her arms and hugged her big brother. She pressed her little face into his stomach and held him as tight as she could. She looked up at him after a few second and mumbled. "I'm scared." Dean's throat tightened. He had to leave her here. He couldn't take her with him to his class. They wouldn't her come with him.

He pulled her away from his stomach. "This lady will be nice to you. She knows where I am. If you need me, I'll be right there. There isn't anything to be scared of. I'll protect you." Hannah nodded and wiped at her face. She stepped away from her brother and he nodded. He slowly walked away from her and left the room. If Hannah's new teacher didn't know any better she would have thought that this little girl's brother was more worried about her first day than she was. She knelt in front of the girl.

"Hi. I'm Miss Casey. What's your name?"

"Hannah." The little girl said softly.

"Those ribbons sure do look pretty in your hair." That statement earned her a grin from Hannah.

"My brother did it."


	30. Dear Santa

**Author's Note: I hope everyone here has a wonderful holiday. Merry Christmas! **

Carolyn sighed as she sat down at the table in the back of the post office. She had worked an eight hour shift and had taken her boss up on the overtime when she considered the amount of gifts that she still had to purchase before Christmas. She reminded herself that there were only two more weeks until the holiday and she would need that money and the overtime was sorely needed. She sighed and looked at the mound of letters to Santa that were on the table. She hoped she could make a dent. Picking up the first letter she decided that reading little kids Christmas letters to Santa wouldn't be too bad. She could at least sit down and get off her aching feet while she read them.

Two hours later, she realized that it was more difficult to read kid's Christmas lists than she had ever thought possible. Kids were spoiled. They wanted all of the expensive toys and they wanted them in quantity. It hadn't taken much time for her to grow tired of all of the requests for Barbie's, GI Joes, talking dolls, bikes, video games, and other such nonsense.

She finished stuffing an envelope with the standard reply to a particularly spoiled little kid who had put everything except the White House on his list, when she decided that she could only take one more letter. One more letter and she could go home, look at her kids, go to bed, and start the cycle all over again. The one she pulled out of the bag was shrouded in a plain white envelope; there was no holiday ornamentation like most of the other lists. Most of the letters she had opened tonight had been difficult to read the return address; they were so covered in crayon and marker. This one, however, was clean and the address was clearly printed on the front, she ran a letter opener through the envelope and it opened with a satisfying snap.

Pulling the letter free from its envelope, she was surprised to find no glitter and no pretty colored paper. It was a standard sheet of notebook paper, folded neatly, and when she opened it she found that the writing was precise and clear.

Dear Santa,

My name is Dean Winchester. I don't know if I believe in you, but my little sister, Hannah Winchester, and my little brother, Sammy Winchester, do and they asked me to write a letter to you. Well, Sammy handed me a pencil and made me write his and then when I got up to put his in an envelope he told me that I needed to write to you too. When I said that I didn't need to, he got kinda mad and said that I needed to tell you what I wanted so I could get gifts too. Well, I was about to say no when my little sister gave me puppy eyes too, so here I am, I'm writing to a man that I'm not even sure is real.

First, I have to tell you that I have not been the best little boy on earth. There are many more kids that deserve more gifts than I do. I don't always tell the truth, and I borrow things that I don't think I'll ever really give back. Honestly, I do it because I need things for my little brother and sister. You see, when I was four, my sister two and my brother six months old, my mom died in a fire and my dad hasn't exactly been okay since then. I only do bad things for my brother and sister, but I know that is no excuse. So you see Santa, there really isn't a good reason for you to read any more of this letter.

Well, for some reason I can't fathom (that is a word we learned in school yesterday I like the sound of it…it was a challenge word and I was the only one to get it right. I was proud of myself. You are the only other person I've told about that) you are still reading my letter so I guess I'll write out the things that I want.

1) I want Sammy to have innocence for as long as possible. I don't want him to

have to learn how hard things can be. I'm glad he doesn't remember our mom because he would be so sad to know what he lost. I also want him to get everything on his Christmas list, because he is a good kid and he deserves everything in the world that will make him happy. And if you don't get them for him I don't think I'll be able to swipe it for him. I want him to have a Merry Christmas and I don't know how to give it to him, so if you could please give my brother what he wants. He is a cool little guy and I want him to be happy.

2) My little sister hasn't said much in the last couple of years. She's 7 now and she at least speaks, but she never says anything really. I'm scared that she is broken inside like I am and will turn out like me. Please Santa, give her everything she wants on her list too, I want her to know that good things can happen to good people. She deserves that. She is the best little girl in the world.

3) I would like some Christmas magic sprinkled over the tree. I want to see it glitter. I don't really want anything else. I just want a little proof that you were there. I want to be able to see Sammy and Hanna see the magic that you used to spread on our tree when my mom was alive.

Well, Santa, that is all I can think of that I want for Christmas this year. I hope that you can do this for me. I know I'm not really a good boy, but my brother and sister are and they deserve it. Thank you for reading my letter.

Dean Winchester

Carolyn sniffed and wiped at her eyes and starred at the letter in her hand. This little boy didn't want anything but happiness for his siblings. He didn't even ask for an action figure, a toy car, or a skate board. This little boy had been selfless and self deprecating. She thought back to her son and daughter's Christmas lists and realized that they asked for things for themselves. Things that they had seen on TV or things that their friends had. They didn't ask for anything that could be given out of love and they most certainly didn't ask for things for each other. They spent more time fighting one another than actually getting to know one another. She shook her head and pocketed the letter and rooted around in the pile for two other letters that bore the name Winchester. Once found she put them in her pockets as well and stood, clocked out and headed home.

She decided that her children didn't need any more Christmas presents. She decided that they needed more time spent with their parents than more toys and clothes. In a split second she decided to spend the overtime money she received tonight on the Winchester children. She would give Dean Winchester, the boy who didn't think he deserved anything, everything he wanted. He deserved it far more than the other children in the world, he cared for others, wanted to provide for others, wanted to be a good person; he understood what Christmas was all about. He understood that it is a time of sharing, loving, caring, and hoping for the best in the world. Yes, Dean Winchester deserved some Christmas magic and she was going to provide it for him.


	31. When He's Gone

6 weeks, 12 hours. Dean had been sleeping less and less the closer it came to the end of his year. So, he wasn't surprised that he woke up before the sun rose and while Sam was still sleeping slumped over his computer. Sam had spent most nights like that lately. Dean wished that Sam would go to bed, forget trying to save him, and live a little—spend some time with Dean doing something other than trying to save Dean and talking about something that had nothing to do with the deal. He wished for a prank war. He wished for a normal day, or at least what constituted as a normal day for a Winchester.

Dean decided to force himself up, get cleaned up and find something for the siblings to have for breakfast. He took his shaving kit out of his bag and headed into the bathroom, he relished the hot water scalding his skin and how it relaxed his perpetually tense muscles. He laughed to himself; he hadn't been relaxed for almost two years. He figured his muscles in his shoulders must be wound tighter than a clock on steroids. He was pretty sure that even if Sammy found an answer for this mess and managed to get him out of the mess that Dean still wouldn't be able to relax.

After his shower, he wiped the steam from the mirror and opened his shaving kit. On the top he found a folded sheet of paper. Curious, he took it out and opened it.

Dean,

I know that you barely sleep. So, I know it will be early when you read this. I will be in my room please come. I need to talk to you.

Love you

Hannah.

Dean's brows furrowed with confusion. What in the world could Hannah need to talk with him about this early in the morning? Did she have an answer to the demon deal? Probably not, she would have told Sammy about it long before him and they would have planned a type of intervention and they would already be working on the details. So, it couldn't possibly have anything to do with that. What else could it be? He wondered as he shaved. He decided to make his morning rituals quick and head next door as soon as possible.

He didn't even bother to put on shoes, he just went to the adjoining motel room and found the door unlocked and ajar. He pushed the door open and saw his sister sitting on her bed, finger in her mouth being picked at, in her sweat pants and one of his old tee shirts, her hair was every which way but down and she looked strained.

"Hannah. What have I told you about keeping that door unlocked, and with all of the demons on the loose and gunning for us."

"It doesn't matter." Confused, Dean sat down on the bed next to her.

"What are you talking about?"

"I need to talk to you."

"We are talking."

"No. I need you to be serious and willing to talk about the big crap. I need you to be willing to go into a chick flick moment."

"Come on Hannah, it's too early for that." Now he knew that she wanted to talk about the deal, but she didn't want to talk about rescue, she wanted to talk about the aftermath—what would happen when he was gone. She wanted to know how to pick up the pieces. He didn't have that answer for her or Sammy.

"Actually, I'm hoping it's not too late for this conversation. I'm afraid it's overdue."

"I really don't want to deal with this Hannah." He couldn't make eye contact with her. He couldn't look her in the eye and have this conversation. He couldn't make himself watch his little sister cry, because there was nothing he could do to make the hurt go away—he was the source of the hurt.

"Well neither do I." she said softly. She picked at her bleeding finger and looked at him, a gentle tear falling from her eye. "But you and I have to do this. We have to be adults about this." She said softly. Dean couldn't avoid this any longer. He knew that.

"What needs said Hannah?" She looked up at him, she took his chin and forced him to look her in the eye.

"I need to know what you want for Sammy."

"What?"

"When you go…I mean…" her voice cracked and she paused for a moment to regain her composer. She cleared her throat. "I mean. What do you want for Sammy to do? He will do whatever your final wish is for him." Dean looked down at his hands. "He's gonna keep hunting if you don't tell him to do anything else. Do you want him to do that?" Dean shook his head.

"No. No. I don't want him to keep hunting. But I've screwed up his life to the point that he can't go back to Stanford and do anything like that."

"What if I told you that I managed to fix that? That he can go back to Stanford and have a life."

"How?"

"I'm a pretty good hacker."

"What?" he asked softly.

"You two are no longer wanted by the FBI."

"Hannah…"

"Doing illegal things tend to run in the Winchester blood." She said and tried to smile. The smile came out more as a grimace.

"Well." Dean said and licked his lips. "I want Sammy to go back to school."

"Dean."

"Hannah…I don't know if I can keep talking about this."

"You have to." She said and her voice cracked again.

"What do you want us to do with…" she stopped and her face twisted into a sob and she managed to stop it before the tears were uncontrollable. She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. 'What do you want us to do with your body?"

"Salt and burn." He said as quickly.

"What do you want done with the." She tried to clear her throat but it didn't work. This time she couldn't stop the tears. "the ashes." She managed to say.

"I want to be next to mom." He said with tears streaming down his face.

"Okay." She took off her glasses and wiped her face. The tears wouldn't stop flowing now. "I am going to live with Bobby for a while."

"Good. He'll keep you safe." She nodded.

"Yeah. I just want you to know that I won't be able to live in Lawrence. I can't be there. So we won't be able to visit you."

"I don't want either of you to visit me where I'm going."

"Oh God Dean." she said and this time couldn't stop the sobs. Dean, without thinking, crossed the distance, the short physical one and the huge emotional one, and wrapped his big strong arms around her. She grabbed his shirt and tried to pull him into her as she sobbed.

Hannah only allowed herself to be that way for a few moments before she pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"The car." She said trying to get back on track. "Bobby and I are going to keep it for Sammy until he gets out of school. Bobby and I will be able to take care of it."

"The car isn't important." Dean said softly.

"It is more important than you will ever know. Dean…it's you. It smells like you. It acts like you. It even has the same style as you. It will be taken care of. It will never be sold. I swear to you."

"Thank you Hannah." She nodded and looked down at her hands. Dean considered his next words. He had thought about this for a while now, he just had never expected to have the opportunity to ask her. "Hannah. Look at me." She lifted her watery blue eyes to his. "I know you will get married. I want you to get married and be loved. You deserve so much more than you have had in this life."

"Dean." he raised a hand to keep her from speaking.

"I would like for you." He stopped trying not to choke on his tears. "I would like for you to tell your babies about me. I want them to know that they had an uncle that loved them very much. That they had an uncle that wished he could have kissed them on their way down from heaven." She nodded.

"There is no way in the world that they won't know about you."

"Make sure Sammy talks about me. Please. Don't let him bottle anything up. Don't let him get obsessed with getting me out of hell. Once I'm there. Leave me be. I don't want to disrupt your lives any more." Hannah started to sob again.

"I love you Dean."

"I love you too Hannah." He watched her sob and hug herself and he reached out for her like he had when she was little. She went to him and he patted her hair. "Remember when I would tie ribbons in your hair?" she nodded into his shirt and continued to cry. "You looked so pretty…" he continued to talk to her and remind her of all of things from their childhood. He had to remind her so she could remind Sammy and they could tell their children when he was gone. When he was gone.


	32. Dad

**For those of you who follow this story, I have moved the previous four chapters into a story entitled Future Deal. I will have a chapter of that one up for you guys tomorrow. Enjoy this tid bit!**

"Hannah. Get your stuff together; we need to go to Palo Alto." Dean said and threw his coat on the bed and began throwing things into his bag.

"What?" she asked pulling her headphones from her ears.

"I said get your stuff together, we're going to Palo Alto." Confusion creased Hannah's brow and she watched her brother frantically put clothes into his duffel.

"What's the matter Dean?" she asked.

Dean looked up at his sister and the look he gave her reminded her of the look he gave evil things when he was on a rampage to kill those "evil sons of bitches". That look had never been directed towards her and it scared her. "Hannah! Shut up!" he snapped. She jerked back at the ferocity of the words and the intensity of his deep voice. "Just do what I tell you to do. I don't have time to argue with you. I said get your crap together. Move!"

She jumped out of her chair and began to pack up her computer things and get her clothes packed and into the Impala.

They were out of the hotel room in a matter of minutes. Dean turned the key and pulled out of the parking lot so fast the tires screeched. Hannah sat silently in the passenger's seat. Dean stole glances at her every now and then and watched as she bit her finger.

Dean regretted yelling at his sister but he was scared and he needed Sammy and he needed him right now.

"Get your fingers out of your mouth." He said.

"I'll pick at my fingers if I want to Dean." She said in a bout of defiance. She didn't appreciate being treated like a soldier or a subservient woman. Dean had taught her that she was second to no one in the world. He had ingrained that in her since she could remember. 'Hannah, don't you ever let any man take advantage of you.' 'Hannah, don't you let any man tell you what to do.' 'Hannah, always demand respect. Don't let others treat you like an object.' She glared at her brother. Dean slapped her hand away from her mouth without any provocation.

"I said quit picking at your fingers."

"What is the matter Dean?" she demanded.

"Nothing."

"This is not nothing. Is it about Sam? Did he call you?"

"Of course he didn't' call me."

"Then why are we driving out to Palo Alto?"

"I got a call from Dad three days ago."

"Yeah, so?"

"He is having issues with a hunt out there and I need to help him."

"You are never this nervous about a hunt. There is something more. And why did it take you three days to decide to go out there?"

"I can't get him to answer his cell."

"That's typical."

"I haven't been able to get a hold of him since he last called me."

"When we were little…"

"We aren't freaking little anymore Hannah!" Dean exploded. "He calls me. He lets me know that he's okay! He doesn't just take off without telling me anymore! I'm an adult and he treats me like one!" The angrier Dean got the harder his foot pressed down on the accelerator. Hannah noted just how fast the scenery was passing in front of her and began to worry. Normally, she didn't realize the Impala didn't have seat belts, however, today, she definitely noticed.

"Do you really think he is in Palo Alto?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"Sammy's there, okay?"

"I don't follow."

"I need to get Sammy and he can help me find Dad."

"Sammy isn't going to want to leave school."

"It's Dad. He'll leave school for Dad."

"I don't think so. They fought pretty hard that last time they were together."

"You just don't abandon your family," Dean said softly. Hannah's mouth formed an "ohh" This had nothing to do with Sammy. This had to do with their father abandoning Dean. Once, shortly after Sammy had left for Stanford, Dean had observed that people didn't really think much about leaving him. Granted he had said this when he was especially drunk, but still, he had admitted it. She looked to her brother and touched his arm. He pulled back from her.

"Don't." he said.

"Dean…"

"Look, Hannah, I don't want to be patronized. I just want to get Sam, and find Dad. Then I will leave him to his precious life with his precious girlfriend."

"Dean…." Dean cut her off before she could mention that Jessica was a good person and that she was good for Sammy. She figured he cut her off because he knew that already.

"No! I'm allowed to want something! God! I am! I ask for nothing and people still abandon me! I give everything I have, I do everything for everyone and they still leave me!"

"Dean, pull over."

"All I want is for people to want to stick with me! Sometimes I think that you only stick with me because you are trapped. You don't have a car and you don't have anywhere else to go."

"I stay because I want to Dean."

"Lying is unattractive Hannah."

"Pull over Dean." she said again. He sighed and pulled over on the deserted street. She turned to him and took his chin in her hand. She forced him to look at her. Her eyes were serious and intense. "I'm serious Dean. I stay with you because I want to. I will never ever abandon you."

"Why did Dad and Sammy?" He asked and tried to keep the tears at bay. She sighed and shrugged.

"I don't know Dean. I really don't know." The tears he was attempting to hold back fought their way to the surface and fell onto his cheeks.


	33. Watch out for Dean

Bloody Mary had done a number to the brothers Winchester, and Hannah did what she could to get them cleaned up before bed. When they had arrived at the hotel with blood stains under their eyes, and Sam's eyes looking blood shot, she had been worried. She made both brothers sit down on their respective beds and she got to work cleaning blood off of their faces. She noted that the two of them were more silent than they had ever been and the tension was thick. The brothers had had an uneasy time of it since they had reunited. Their bond, which had always been so strong, was still there but it was uneasy.

"What happened?" she asked finally as she washed the blood off of Dean's face.

"I can take care of this Hannah." He said tiredly. She just nodded and then smacked his hand away from hers.

"What happened?" she repeated.

"Bloody Mary kinda got to us." Sam supplied taking off his coat and shirt.

"How could she have gotten to you two?"

"Turns out Mary only attacked people who had secrets about death." Sam said and sat back down on the bed and Hannah turned to him and began washing his face. Hannah nodded and went silent.

"Dean?" Sam questioned as his older brother stood to retrieve his toiletries from his duffel.

"What?"

"Why did your eyes bleed? None of the kills you have done were secrets. I know, Dad knows, Hannah knows…why did your eyes bleed?" Sam noted the small eye flick between his siblings. They were hiding something and instant anger flooded through his body. "What Dean?"

"If you are allowed to keep secrets, then so am I." Dean said flatly.

"Dean that's not fair." 

"Why isn't it fair?"

"Dean, it almost got you killed."

"Almost got you killed."

"Dean."

"Sam."

"It's not his secret to tell." Hannah said as she cleaned the last of the blood from her baby brother's face.

"Hannah." Dean said with a quietness that Sam hadn't heard in a long time.

"If he wants to know so bad, you can tell him. I don't want to be here when you do, but you can tell him." She patted Sam on the cheek, gave a weak smile and stood. "I'm gonna go to my room. Good night." She gave her brother's a weak smile and left them in their room.

"What is she talking about Dean?" Sam demanded. Dean sighed and ran a hand down his face. This particular story was one in which he didn't want to share with his little brother. It made him look at Hannah differently and he knew that it would make Sam mad that they hadn't told him. "Dean?" Sam demanded.

"It happened about a year and a half after you left." Dean relented and leaned back against the dresser. The two of us were doing the leg work for a job."

"You let Hannah work a job?"

"Not exactly. She would get restless every now and again and she would offer to help me do some of the research and sometimes legwork when it looked like the people might respond to us better as a married couple or something." A smile tugged at his mouth.

"You two pretended to be married?"

"Sometimes. Hannah looks enough like Mom and I look enough like Dad that people don't think twice about it."

"We have some serious Oedipus issues in our family." Sam said with a shake of his head. Dean's brow knitted together, not fully understanding the reference. The surge of anger bubbled in his chest but he pushed it back down. Sam wasn't trying to shove his college education in his face. This was just Sam.

"Well, anyway, we had finished talking with the couple, it was getting dark, it was winter up north, and it got darker a lot sooner. Anyway," Dean said with a sigh. "I let her out of the car in front of the library so I could find a parking space. I could tell that the library was in a bad part of the neighborhood and I told her to go straight into the building, and I watched her walk up the stairs and that was when I left." Dean's face tightened as he told the story. "I parked the car and headed towards the front of the building. Something felt off, I couldn't quite pin point it, but something was definitely off. I passed the alley way next to the library and I heard her. To this day, I can't recall what I heard, but I knew I heard her. So I took off down the alleyway and I saw him." Dean stopped, unable to erase the visual from his mind. He didn't want to relive this episode in his whacked out series of a life, but Sammy wanted to know, Hannah had given permission, and he had started, there was definitely no way he could go back, no way he could stop this story from being told.

"Dean?" Sam questioned softly trying to prompt his stubborn, no feelings allowed, brother to share. Dean seemed jerked away from a day dream. His eyes finally focused on his brothers. "Dean, what happened?" Sam asked worriedly.

"This guy, this piece of human filth, had a knife stabbed into Hannah's stomach." He heard Sam take a sharp intake of breath. "I watched as he pulled it out, pinned her body against the brick, and showed her the blood, her blood, on the knife. He then ran the blade—" Dean swallowed hard and looked away from his brother. "He ran the blade down her face. Said something about not wanting to kill her just take her beauty away. Hell, I don't really know if that is what he said or not, my brain just went to fuzz. All I heard was a high pitched whine in my ears. I charged after him and grabbed the knife. He tried to get the knife into my stomach, but well, when a guy fights the supernatural, who is stronger than a usual human, gets a hold of your arm, you pretty much do whatever he wants you to. I got the knife plunged into the bastard's stomach. He was such a wuss, getting the knife in him incapacitated him. That and the bashing of his head on the concrete probably helped knocking him out." Sam sat there startled, mouth wide, eyes the size of saucers underneath the long fringe of bangs.

"She never-"

"No she didn't want to tell you."

"Why?" Dean shrugged. "Why didn't you call and tell me?"

"You weren't speaking to me remember?"

"But this was serious."

"Yeah it was, but she was okay. I handled it."

"Where was dad?" 

"Oh a hunt on the other side of the country."

"Does he know?"

"No. No one other than me and Hannah knew."

"Dean, I'm your brother." He stood, angry now. "Hell, I'm her brother! I had a right to know."

"You had made it quite clear to the both of us what was more important."

"Nothing is more important than my family."

"You wouldn't have said that before the fire." Sam's face turned into cold hard lines.

"How dare you say that?"

"Because it is true."

"Dean, you know me better than that!"

"No, I know the Sammy Winchester who was 18 years old. This one that is in front of me, I don't know you like I used to. I don't know that Jessica wasn't more important. Hell you keep telling me not to call you Sammy." Sam noted that it looked like that hurt Dean a lot. He had never really thought that his dislike of the childhood nickname bothered his normally unflappable big brother. "You like things that you didn't like when you left. You've always wanted this normal safe life. You had it. Me calling you and telling you about Hannah would have kept you there. I was sort of afraid that you would take Hannah with you." Sam jumped back at the last revelation.

"How would have I taken Hannah from you?"

"Forget it." Dean said and headed towards the bathroom.

"No. Dean. You don't say crap like that to me and walk away." Sam said and grabbed his brother's shoulder turning him around. "Answer me Dean. How could I have taken Hannah away from you?" Dean shrugged in a rare moment of insecurity.

"You would have come, told her about your life and how much safer it was, and she would have come to live with you and Jessica. I would have let you too because I was such a mess after that. I didn't let her go out of the motel room unsupervised for almost six moths."

"Dean, she never would have come with me." Sam said earnestly. "She shadows you and takes care of you."

"What?"

"Dad always told you to watch out for me."

"Yeah."

"Well, he always told Hannah to watch out for you." 


	34. I Swear

Author's Note: This episode takes place at the end of "Malleus Maleficarum" and contains spoilers for said episode

Author's Note: This episode takes place at the end of "Malleus Maleficarum" and contains spoilers for said episode.

Ruby's comments affected Dean Winchester in a way that he never ever expected. Sure he knew he was going to hell, sure he knew that it was going to be torture, sure he knew all of that, but nowhere in his expectations was there being turned into a demon. How could he become a thing? His humanity was all that he was. Caring for others, keeping others safe, keeping children out of harms way, being a big brother, all of those things were what defined him, and here this demon was telling him that all of those things would be burned away after being down in the pit for any significant length of time.

"You better do damage control." Ruby said with a nod. Dean turned around and found Hannah standing at the door to the hotel room starring at him with wide frightened eyes. She had heard everything. _Perfect_ Dean thought and pinched the bridge of his nose. He turned around to say something smart to Ruby and she was gone, leaving him with information that was devastating and with a sister who would be furious with him when he told her that they by no stretch of the imagination could tell Sam.

"Hannah, how much did you hear?" he asked quietly as he turned back to his little sister.

"Enough."

"Damn it Hannah, how much did you hear?" He said with more force in his voice than he had used with his sister in a long time. He opened his eyes and watched as she walked towards him in her cloud pajama pants and an old AC/DC shirt of his. She looked so young and innocent, she didn't need this burden. She didn't need to know anymore than Sam did. Why was it that he could never protect her when he needed to?

"Hell will make you a demon and Ruby lied to Sam. There is no way that she can help you out of the deal." She crossed her arms under her breasts and hugged herself tightly.

"Hannah, you don't have any shoes on. Get inside."

"No."

"Hannah!"

"I will go inside if you go in with me."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"I don't really care." Hannah said standing a little straighter and her chin angled up in a defiant posture. Hannah was very nervous about standing up to Dean this way, but it had to be done, she needed to know what was going on. She burst through her nerves and said what she felt. "She was right you know, earlier when she said that you won't be here to protect Sam so you better start letting those of us who will be here in on everything so we can protect him." Dean's eyes widened.

"What the Hell Hannah?"

"Dean, we can't do this tight lipped burry it down deep and discover it later thing. We don't have time." She said almost pleading. "I need to know what is going on. Sam needs to know what is going on. Dean, there isn't time." A tear slipped.

"Hannah, he doesn't need to know this."

"Why not?"

"He still has hope."

"Shouldn't he see her for what she really is?" 

"A demon. He sees that."

"But this will make your argument more…" she waved her arms searching for a word. Giving up she started anew. "This will give you an I told you so moment."

"I don't want the I told you so moment Hannah."

"Then why have you been so adamant? What is the point of constantly telling him that he's wrong and that Ruby is nothing more than a demon hell bent on killing us? Huh? Answer me that!"

"Because, I don't want to take away his hope, but I still want him to have it. If she gives him hope that I can be saved, well…"

"But Dean. You've been telling him…."

"I have to keep things normal Hannah."

"Normal? What the hell does that mean?"

"If I suddenly wanted to believe a demon, what would Sammy think?"

"I don't know, maybe that you might be willing to try and get out of this freaking deal."

"Exactly."

"What?" she shook her head in confusion.

"I don't want Sammy to think I didn't really mean it when I said I would give my life for him."

"You are a stupid ass. Bobby was right!" All she wanted to do at this precise second was to punch her brother. He was so infuriating.

"He knows that! For God's sake Dean! He knows it. You've proven it to him. But you need to start being honest with him. With me! You need to tell him what she said."

"No. I don't want him to know."

"Dean."

"No Hannah, you have to promise not to tell."

"Dean."

"Swear to me Hannah!"

"Dean." He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in close to his face. She saw the fear in his eyes. She could almost smell it too.

"Swear it." He said in a threatening tone. She swallowed. She nodded. He pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around him and breathed him in, afraid that this would be one of the last times she would ever do so.

"I swear Dean."

"Swear," he started shakily. "Swear that you will kill me if I become a demon."

"Dean…."

"Hannah…you have to." She tried to pull away and look him in the eye. He simply held her tighter. She felt his heart speed up, felt his breath come quicker. "Hannah. You have to. I can't live that way." His voice broke and so did her heart. Any will power she had had melted.

"I promise."

"Not good enough." She paused and held back a whimper.

"I swear."


	35. Mystery Spot

Wednesday

**Author's Note: Takes place during "Mystery Spot" **

Wednesday. That was Sam Winchesters new favorite day of the week. After suffering over 100 Tuesdays in which his brother died in a multitude of ways, any Wednesday was a welcome blessing.

Dean hadn't asked for much by way of an explanation to his brother's weird behavior. He was still in favor of going after the trickster and taking him out. How the trickster got away in the first place was still a mystery, he had staked the annoying, self serving, sugar loving bastard. One thing Dean prided himself on was being a good shot, and he had nailed that son of a bitch close up, felt the stake go through his heart, saw the light fade from his eyes. Damn thing was irritating and he more than anything wanted to put that idiot in his place. Sam, however, didn't agree. He was more than adamant about leaving the trickster alone and getting the hell out of doge. So here he was getting his things ready to leave this town as fast as the Impala could take them.

"Dean, help me get my computer stuff to the car?" Hannah asked. He nodded and took the bag that housed her printer scanner combination and she followed him out the door.

"I really think we should take out the trickster." Dean said venting his frustrations.

"Sammy said that the trickster made him live over a hundred Tuesdays. Maybe something really crappy happened and he made a deal with the thing."

"What kind of deal could he make with a trickster? It's not like he's a crossroads demon." Dean said as they reached the car.

"No. But maybe the trickster was making him live through something unlivable."

"What could possibly be so unlivable that Sam wouldn't want to go after the thing?" Dean asked as he opened the trunk.

"Can you imagine having to live through the moment Sammy died 100 times? God knows I couldn't." Dean paused as he lifted the printer bag into the trunk. She had a point. He would have done anything, did do anything, to not have to live through that horror. He sold his soul so he wouldn't have to live with his brother's death. So it would make sense that Sammy would make a deal to leave the trickster alone to let his brother live unharmed. Maybe it had nothing to do with him at all. What if the trickster took Hannah away? Maybe both of them had bargained for their sister's life. Dean decided he would definitely force the issue with Sammy when they had this particular town in their rear view mirror.

"Give me that computer!" A voice from behind demanded. Hannah and Dean both turned around, and Dean pushed Hannah behind him.

"Let's stay calm and talk about his."

"I am calm." The guy said with shaking hands.

"Just give it to him Dean." Hannah whispered. "It's not worth our lives." Dean slid and eye towards his sister and nodded.

"I'm just going to slide the strap off of her shoulder. That's all." He said with his hands up in the surrender position. The guy, still shaking, gave a small nod and Dean reached behind and slowly slid the strap of the computer case over her shoulder. He slowly walked towards the guy with the shaking gun and reached his arm out to hand the computer over and the guy fired, and luckily it caught Dean straight in the chest, Hannah screamed and the guy in a panic shot at her too and caught her straight in the forehead. Dean fell on the cold wet pavement and blood spattered all over the ground beneath him. Hannah's brains splattered all over the inside of the Impala and she slumped over her big brother.

Sam came running down the steps and found his siblings dead on the ground. In all of the Tuesdays he had had, none of them ended with Hannah dying as well. He scooped his brother up in his arms and then grabbed Hannah and tried to pull her into his lap as well. There they were, the two last people that knew him and loved him, one bleeding from the heart, the heart that had loved him unconditionally from birth, and the other's brains splattered all over the car in which she had grown up. Her intelligence and memories lost. There was no one left to remember. No one else left to love.

Sam closed his eyes hoping and praying that this was just one more crewel chapter in the trickster's game. He opened his eyes and his family was still dead weight in his arms. Leaning over he kissed Hannah's cheek and he held Dean closer to his chest. Tears flowed and sobbing ensued.

Someone called the paramedics, Sam assumed because he heard the wailing of the sirens and then he heard low forceful voices pushing at the crowd.

"Sir?" the wearing blue, obviously a paramedic, asked. Sam barely looked up at him. The world had no color now. The world was like a television show on mute. "Sir?" the man repeated again and touched Sam's shoulder. The contact seemed to burn. Sam looked down at the fingers on his shoulder and realized that they belonged the man in front of him.

"Huh?" was the most intelligent thing that passed Sam's lips.

"What happened?" Sam didn't exactly understand what he was saying. Comprehension of speech and sound was beyond him at the second. "Sir, who are these people? Are they your family?" At the word family the sobbing began again.

"…brother…..sister."

Relieved and encouraged that he was able to get something out of the obviously distraught young man, he tried again. "What happened?" Sam shook his head. He didn't know. He hadn't been here. He had heard a shot, but other than that he didn't know anything. All Sam knew was that he had failed his big brother. He had failed his sister. He had failed. He had allowed the two people who had protected him and loved him with everything they had to die a senseless death. The trickster had allowed this to happen. The trickster was responsible.

Sam died a little bit that day. The paramedics took his family in the back of the ambulance, the sirens not needed for the dead. The dead weren't in a hurry. Sam managed to get them released and he buried both his brother and his sister. He died a little bit more that day. He cleaned the Impala, cleaned his sister's brains from the back of it, and he died a little bit more. He sat in the driver's seat, and all that was left of Sam Winchester vanished. The person who had been his heart was gone and the person who had been the voice of reason for so many years was gone as well, and with out them Sam was incomplete and dead inside. All that mattered now was finding the trickster and begging for him to restore his siblings and if he wouldn't comply, he'd just shoot the bastard.

Three months passed. Sam became the soldier that his father always wanted. He did everything with military precision, from making the bed to eating dinner. He had given up speaking; he had given up that piece of him that was soft and loving. He had given up everything that was Sammy.

When he finally came face to face with the trickster, he buckled, he begged and pleaded to be returned to that day, the day in which he had both his brother and sister alive and with him. The trickster mumbled something about a lesson learned, Sam could give a rat's ass about a lesson, he just wanted his brother and sister back, he wanted this hole in him that the darkness had filled to be closed and the darkness expelled. Dean and Hannah alive and well would do that. Their presence would be the exorcism ritual needed to expel the darkness from his soul. Dean's wise cracks and Hannah's silent listening and smiling. Dean's way of making everything seem all right when he knew full well that nothing would ever be all right again. The man who had raised him and the sister who had listened to him and understood, if they were back with him again, everything would be fine.

He awoke to the sounds of Huey Lewis and the News' "Back in Time" and found Dean standing there brushing his teeth. Dean made a comment he didn't hear and ran to his brother and hugged him. There was a knock on the door and then it opened.

"You guys decent?" came Hannah's voice. Sam reached for her and encompassed her in a hug as well. Hers was a little more crushing than Dean's because Hannah only came to the middle of Sam's torso.

"Sammy…can't…breathe…" Sam let her go. She gave Dean a look and he shrugged. Sam felt that hole in his stomach. He felt the darkness. It was being held back. It was caged once more, but this time it wasn't going to stay caged, it had grown way too much in the time that his family had been gone. He had been wrong; his siblings couldn't exorcise the darkness in him—it was there to stay.


	36. No Rest For the Wicked

A/N: This is a tag to the season three ender. So if you haven't seen it and don't want to be spoiled...don't read. LOL

* * *

Bobby had kept Hannah away from the house, and Sam was glad for it. She hadn't needed to see her older brother destroyed by hell hounds. Sam hadn't wanted to see it either. Hadn't needed the last time he saw Dean alive to be writhing on the floor in pain screaming wordlessly, unable to keep his typical calm cool façade in place in the midst of this horrifying shredding of his body. Sam hadn't needed to see the blood squirting out of severed arteries, hadn't needed to see the vacant stare coming from his brother's green gaze. Hadn't needed to be the one to close them, and try to wipe the fear and pain off of that face. But he was glad that Hannah hadn't seen it. Glad that Dean's last moments in life wouldn't haunt her for the rest of her life.

Sam stayed inside for a while. He sat there and let the tears flow, gripped his big brother against his chest and sobbed, allowed all of the grief to spill out over the dead flesh. The blood leaking through his shirt didn't faze him; it was just another way for him to be close to his brother. He sat there rocking and crying for quite some time before he decided that it was time to take his brother for one last trip in the Impala.

Sam picked his brother up, one hand under his legs the other underneath his back, and carried him out of the house, blood dripping from all of his limbs. He stepped outside of the house; the demons that had been held at bay by the holy water sprinklers were gone. The only people who were standing outside were Bobby and Hannah. Sam's eyes immediately found Hannah's.

"Is he?" she asked still holding onto the hope that her big brother was still alive, despite the trail of blood he was leaving behind, despite the fact that he was allowing Sam to carry him, despite the fact that there was no movement to her usually jittery big brother. Sam nodded, bit his lip to keep from crying and this time he succeeded. Hannah's whole body seemed to collapse from underneath her. Sam couldn't blame her. It had taken several attempts to stand up with his brother's weight. His body didn't seem to want to work either. Bobby, thankfully, had been right beside her and caught her before she fell onto the ground. He held her close as she began to wail. Sam wondered briefly if this had been her reaction when he had died.

"He should have let me make a deal." She mumbled as Sam put Dean's body into the back seat. Sam's head spun to his sister. He hadn't any idea that the option of her selling her soul had been put out there. But he definitely wasn't surprised that Dean had said no. Definitely not surprised she had offered. He would have done it if it wouldn't have undermined everything Dean had done for him.

He gently finished putting Dean into the back seat, looked at the blood stained body and tears began to flow once more. Hannah broke from Bobby's arms and flung into Sam's. The siblings stood there and sobbed together. Dean was gone. In hell. And there didn't appear as if there was anything they could do.


	37. Radio

Hannah bopped along to whatever classic rock song that Dean had going. She was waiting for him to get out of the gas station with the candy bar she had requested. Another one of Dean's birthdays past without Sam calling from Stanford. She had yelled at him last year, but this year, well, this year, if he didn't want to call, that was his business. She sighed, wondered when she was going to go deaf, realized that Dean wasn't in the car to smack her hand away from the dial, so she turned down the deafening song to a dull roar. Somewhere in her musings, she realized that Dean's music was never soft, even when the volume was down, it was either pulsing or loud. She preferred loud. Pulsing made her teeth chatter long after the song was over and that was never fun. She saw Dean come out of the station and he was in the car before she remembered to turn the music back up.

"Here." He said and handed her the candy. "You don't normally like candy." He said and turned the radio back up.

"Just craving sugar I guess." She yelled over the radio.

"You messed with my radio." He said playfully.

"No I didn't." she yelled back with a smile and a roll of her eyes. They went back onto the road they were taking to get to this no name little town in Wyoming when the radio fuzzed.

Dean rolled his eyes to hers. "Hannah. Don't mess with the radio."

"I didn't." she answered.

"Yeah, just like yesterday I didn't hear Justin Timberlake coming out of these speakers." He said and adjusted the dial and the same hard rock blared out of the speakers. He rubbed the Impala's dash. "It's okay baby, I know it was a traumatic thing. She won't ever do it again." Hannah couldn't keep the grin off of her face. She turned back to the window, and the dial went again.

"Hannah." He said warningly.

"I didn't." He sighed again, this time more annoyed and he turned the station back. The station turned to static and when it did she saw something.

"Ghost." She said.

"Come on Hannah. Can't blame everything on a ghost or whatever. Quit changing the station."

"Ghost!" she repeated.

"Hannah." He warned.

"Ghost!" she said again and grabbed his arm and pointed in the rearview mirror. And sure enough there was a ghost.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed and stopped the car, looked at his sister and sighed.


	38. Winchester Way

Cleaning the body, building the coffin, laying the body inside the coffin, burying the body, going back to Bobby's, crying, more crying, and even more crying. Hannah truly couldn't tell which day from which. All she knew was that Dean was dead and that Sam was slowly and steadily dying as well.

Sam was always the touchy feely brother. He was always the one to put an arm around her, or kissed the top of her head, for no reason in particular other than just because he loved his big sister. But now, when she went to him, he didn't open his arms as easily, his face didn't soften any more. And when she laid her head on his shoulder it wasn't soft and inviting, it was nothing but rock hard muscle, and he didn't make a single move to comfort her in her immense distress. Every attempt she made to comfort him was shoved off as well. He simply didn't want to be touched.

After sitting in the living room with Bobby starring at the television without actually watching the images flickering across the screen she touched Sam's shoulder, and he slowly turned to face her and his eyes were so hard now. So different from the soft empathetic eyes they had been a week ago. His eyes almost made her want to move her hand away.

"I'm going to bed." She said softly. He nodded. "Good night Bobby."

"Night sweetie." Hannah went to the room she was occupying, sat down on her bed, wiped her eyes, and reached underneath the bed and pulled Dean's duffel out from underneath the bed and pulled out a tee shirt that he wore often and still smelled like him. She clutched it in her arms and pulled her legs up to her chest and cried some more.

She woke the following morning, just as light was coming over the horizon, to a familiar noise. The Impala. She barely registered the time and her feet hit the hard wood floor and she hurried out the door, she could feel that something was wrong, knew that there was something wrong, felt in her bones. She barely made it down the steps without tumbling down them. She stumbled on her way to the door, and threw it open and ran out just as she saw Sam driving towards the exit of the Salvage Yard.

'Sam!!" she yelled. He didn't turn around. He didn't even look into the rearview mirror. "SAM!!" she yelled louder. He didn't respond. "Sammy!!" She yelled so loud that it echoed. Still her little brother didn't look back, the car didn't even hesitate in its forward motion. "Sammy!" she yelled again so loudly she doubled over. The screen door slammed and she didn't hear it. Bobby wrapped his arms around her and she struggled. Her bare feet kicking up from the dusty ground, her little hands slapping against Bobby's, shaking her head and long blonde curls flinging all around, her face a mask of pain and sadness.

"Sammy! You can't leave me." Bobby did his best to contain the struggling girl. Like a demon leaving its human host she quit struggling and collapsed against his arms. For a moment he worried that she died in his arms, then he felt the shaking, felt the tears hit his skin. She turned in his arms. "He left me." she sobbed, grabbed a hold of Bobby's night shirt. "They all left me. They are all gone. My family is gone. He took the car. He took the last thing of Dean." Her knees collapsed underneath her and he held her close.

"Shhh sweetie. Shhh." Bobby had no idea what to do for this broken girl. He had known her most of her life, but he barely knew her. She had hardly spoken to him growing up and now here she was sobbing into his chest and she was expecting him to help her, to make something in this right. He wished he knew how to help her. "He's hurting too sweetie."

"I know." she managed, enough like her big brother to know when someone else was hurting even when she was hurting as much or more.

"He'll be back."

"What if he doesn't come back Bobby?" she asked looking up at him with watery blue eyes. "What if he realized that I am more of a hindrance than a help."

"Oh, Hannah, sweetie. He knows that you aren't. He just needs to figure stuff out on his own." She neither nodded nor shook her head. The tears didn't stop, but the noise that usually accompanied sobs did and for some reason that bothered Bobby more than her tears. "Come on. Let's get you inside. Dean would never have approved of you being outside in your pajamas." She gave a rough laugh.

"No, he would be yelling at me." She wiped her eyes and they entered the house together. She was just about to head up the stairs when she turned, looked back at Bobby and asked, "I know that God probably doesn't want anything to do with the damned, but do you think that if I pray hard enough that he will at least make sure that Dean doesn't suffer every second he is in Hell?" she asked sadly. Bobby wished that he knew the answer, wished that he trusted that God was as benevolent as he wished. He had faith, believed that if you were good you went to an afterlife without pain, and he decided that this was the best time in the world to have that faith.

"Yeah sweetie I do." She nodded and went upstairs. It was some time later when she descended the stairs, wearing jeans and a tee shirt, hair tied tightly into a knot at the base of her neck, hiking boots on her feet.

"Good to see you dressed." He said.

"I want you to train me Bobby."

"What?" he asked.

"I want you to train me to be a hunter. I want to help Sam kill the evil son of a bitch who took my family away from me." Bobby's face fell. The Winchester way. Here he thought that Hannah, because she was a girl was immune, she was not. She wanted to get tangled up in this and he knew that any amount of talking would not talk her out of it. So much like her father, so much like her brothers. His heart broke as he nodded, seeing no way out of it.


	39. The Hug

Hannah arrived back at Bobby's house. She had completed the training tasks that Bobby had asked of her and it was time to go back to the house and fix Bobby something edible. The gruff man liked to eat, but he wasn't especially skilled at cooking. At first, it had been annoying, and now it was funny. Essentially she paid him for training her by cooking for him it seemed like a lopsided trade, but she was doing her best. Bobby had all but stopped eating when Dean died, he substituted liquor, the hard stuff, for food, and they spent far less time training than she did taking care of Bobby and looking for her pig headed younger brother. Dean never would have wanted Hannah and Sam to be apart, never wanted for Sam to ignore her like this.

As she approached the house, she saw a car that she was unfamiliar with. It looked old, and like it barely ran. She assumed that it a car a customer wanted restored, so she didn't hesitate in opening the front door. But as she approached the house she heard sounds that weren't welcoming coming from the Singer estate. She pulled the bowie knife out of the back of her jeans and went inside the house from the back, and entered through the kitchen entrance. All she saw was a green shirt and Bobby struggling against the man who was in the shirt. She had the knife at the taller man's throat before he could blink.

"Let him go NOW!" Hannah bellowed. The green shirted man stopped, let Bobby go and put his hands up in the air.

"Okay." Green shirt said softly, and the sound made Hannah's heart race. She knew that voice. "Hannah. It's me." Her mind wouldn't allow her to make the connection. Wouldn't allow her to hear that it was Dean, wouldn't allow it to be Dean. They buried Dean. Dean had been ripped to shreds by hell hounds, it was nothing but a shapeshifter, a skinwalker, something that was making itself sound like her brother.

"Dean is dead." Her voice trembled. Some hunter she was turning out to be. She couldn't even keep her voice still.

"Ripped to shreds by hell hounds." The voice said patiently.

"Anyone can know that."

"Not everyone knows that when you were little you used to sleep in my bed when you were scared."

"Lucky guess."

"You look just like mom."

"Don't you bring my mother into this."

"Your blood type is AB negative, it is the combination of both Dad and Mom's."

"Shut up."

"Hannah, it's me."

"Shut up!" she yelled and she sliced just a little into the shifter's neck. She smelled the blood. It was human blood, the shifter didn't scream. Maybe it wasn't a shifter. She looked at Bobby whose eyes were large and unbelieving. She slowly let the knife fall from her grip and clatter to the floor, and backed away. This had to be dream. This wasn't true, couldn't be true. Did Sam make a deal? Was Sam dead now? Oh God. Or worse? What had Sam done to bring their brother back? She stopped backing up when she hit the counter. The figure clad in a green shirt, now she remembered the shirt she and Sam had buried Dean in, turn around and her breath hitched. Dean's face. Dean's blood running from the nick on his neck.

"It's really me little sister." Hannah's hands went to her mouth.

"No. No. It can't be you. You're dead and buried."

"It's me Hannah. It's me." He didn't hesitate as he walked forward and enveloped her into a hug. It took only seconds for her to hold him back and begin crying. She held him so tightly against her that it felt crushing.

"Dean." She sobbed and he picked her up, like he had when she was little and held her close. She felt safe and loved for the first time since Dean died. And at the same time, she was sick, sick with worry about her younger brother. Sick that he might be dead and rotting on the ground at some crossroads in the middle of nowhere. But now, with Dean back, they could fix that. They could find Sammy, fix it and everything would be just like it had been.

"I'm here little sister, I'm here."


	40. Loss of control

AN: I was under the impression that people didn't relly care for this story, so that is the reason for the lack of updates, actually, I was tempted to just mark it as complete. However, janurarysunshine13 reminded me that there are some that do like it. So for those who are interested, here you go.

* * *

Throwing up was never on Dean's 'to do' list. It was too much loss of control for him, but ever since his return from Hell, his body seemed to like to do a lot of it. Throwing up seemed to be the only way his body could purge after the horrific dreams he had. What was worse was that he hardly ate anymore, so all that was left was bile, and whatever alcohol he had consumed. And that always tasted oh so pretty.

Hanna quit knocking when she heard her brother throwing up. She simply walked in, wet a wash cloth and put it on the back of his neck. He tried to shoo her off, and she wouldn't allow it, she insisted he receive some form of comfort.

"Hannah it's okay. I'm fine." He said. She sighed and pushed his hands away and pressed the cloth against the back of his neck.

They sat there like that for a little bit, and Hannah noted that he eventually relaxed a little. "Where's Sam?" he asked. Hannah bit her lip. She knew where Sam was. Well, she knew who Sam was with, and she wasn't sure if that was something that Dean should know, because, well, she'd promised not to tell Sam that Dean was remembering Hell in violent living color. So, she didn't know what to do.

"I know."

"Tell me."

"You make me keep secrets from him. So I'm going to keep his secrets."

"But his secrets might get him killed." Dean said and tried to stand, got woozy, and sat back down.

"And so might yours."

"It's not the same and you know it Hannah! He's doing things out there that can change him, and take our Sammy away from us."

"He's not our Sammy anymore anyway Dean. Your death changed him."

Dean sighed and he knew that she was right, and he was too weak to argue with her, too tired to admit out loud that she was right, and too at a loss to know what to do to fix his little brother. She sat down next to him on the disgusting floor, rested her head on his shoulder, she knew that this was the only way she would be able to cuddle with her brother, if she was the one who appeared to need the close contact. Hell had changed a lot of things about her brother, but the need to never admit weakness hadn't been altered in the least. She sat like that until Dean fell asleep. Then she disentangled herself from her brother, and went into the other room, pulled the blankets off of his bed, and his pillow and made a nest for Dean to sleep in. It took every ounce of strength she had, but she managed to maneuver him onto the nest of blankets and just as she was about to hunker down with him, to wait out the night and wake him when his dreams were too bad, she heard the lock, and the door, and she stood up and starred at Sam, who was just coming back from his escapades with Ruby.

"Don't look at me that way Hannah. I have to do this. I have to help Dean….this is the only way I can." She didn't say anything, she simply crossed her arms and starred at him.

"What? What do you want from me Hannah?" He caught a glimpse of the bed behind her, noted that Dean wasn't in it and his eyes went wild. "Where's Dean?" He demanded. Hannah said nothing. Simply starred at him. He came closer to her and demanded the same information, and she again stayed silent.

"Hannah! Tell me where Dean is!"

She licked her lips and sighed. "He's in the bathroom. He threw up everything he ate, again, and he's sleeping on the blankets in there."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Why bother? You never answer." She said and went into the bathroom and again tried to get settled next to her big brother.

"Let me pick him up and put him into bed."

"You going to clean up his vomit?"

"Hannah…what's wrong with him?"

"I keep your secrets, and I'll keep his." She said and hunkered down next to her older brother. "I love you Sam." She said never letting her anger get in the way of telling those she loved most how she felt.

"I love you too Hannah." Sam said defeated. He shrugged off his coat, sat down on his bed and ran his hands through his hair. He really and truly was trying to do what was best, what only he could do. He had to protect what was left of his family, even if that cost his soul.

He looked towards the bathroom one more time and sighed. They had no idea, they judged him, but he was doing it for them, doing it to protect the world. If it meant that they hated him, but that was okay, as long as they were alive to hate him. That was all that mattered, that they weren't dead, that they weren't suffering.

He lay down on the bed and tried to sleep, but instead, simply listened for his brother's screams, and Hannah's gentle reassurances that everything was okay, that he was safe, that Sammy was in the room, he was fine, and he was okay.

Everything wasn't okay.


End file.
